


Burnt and Broken

by Kicon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, California, Complete, Dysfunctional Family, Family Secrets, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Harvelle's Roadhouse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-15
Updated: 2013-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 13:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 54,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kicon/pseuds/Kicon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean, Sam, and Bobby move to California for a fresh start away from Sioux Falls and the secrets they want to stay buried. Dean is looking forward to his new life, except for the fact that he promised Bobby he'd do one year of college when he'd much rather be working as much as possible to raise money for Sam's college fund. But a promise is a promise and Dean thinks he can handle it. That is, until he meets Castiel Novak, who ruins his life in the most perfect ways possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fresh Start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My [tumblr](http://kiconwrites.tumblr.com)

The thing Dean Winchester liked most about California was the wind.

They were the Santa Ana winds, apparently, and some people called them the "devil winds." Most people found the wind annoying. Dean loved it. He loved feeling the air rushing around him, blowing in his face, reminding him that he's so very much alive.

And that's why Dean had the windows down in the car as they passed the sign that said "Welcome to Clara Vista."  He pointed the sign out to his brother Sam, who sat in the passenger seat. Sam looked disinterested and put his nose back in his book. Dean rolled his eyes, turned up the Metallica to his brother's annoyance, and let out a whoop of excitement.

"Sammy, quit reading and look at the town!" Dean commanded.

"It's _Sam_ ," the younger Winchester grumbled half-heartedly to himself as he placed his bookmark where he needed it and looked out the window.

Clara Vista was a fairly big city-suburb in Southern California, and was only a few hours away from the coast ( _"T_ _hink of it, Sammy...beach babes,"_ Dean had told Sam). It had the typical look-a-like condominiums and gated communities. The taller buildings in the distance indicated the downtown area. It didn't look like anything special to Sam.

"Everything's going to be better, Sammy," Dean said wistfully. "A fresh start, just you wait and see."

Sam turned his head to stare at his brother. He wanted to bite out some bitter statement about how Dean could only bury the memories for so long, or that a different zip code wouldn't change the past, but he didn't. He saw the pain behind his brother's carefully built walls and he saw how badly Dean wanted things to work out in this new town. So, even though he would miss Sioux Falls, Sam decided to give Clara Vista a chance.

"We're here!" Dean announced.

Sam looked up from his book and saw Bobby's truck ahead of them pull over to the curb in front of a nice house. The house was two stories and had a light green paint job and a front porch with a bench swing. The front yard was sizeable, and Sam wondered briefly if he might be able to convince Dean to let him get a dog. He laughed at himself; the thought of Dean being okay with a dog in the house was absurd.

Dean parked his precious Impala behind Bobby's truck as the driver backed the moving truck up into the driveway.

"Boys, help move the stuff in the house," Bobby commanded as the moving guys opened up the truck and began pulling stuff out.

Due to Sam, Dean, and Bobby not having much furniture and the combined efforts of five men, they got all of their things out of the truck and into the house in just a few hours. Once the moving truck was out of the driveway, Bobby and Dean moved their cars into the garage.

Now Dean stood alone in the living room, as Bobby was out tipping the moving truck men and Sam was checking out the backyard. He looked around at all of the boxes of unpacked things and inhaled the stale scent of the house. He wasn't one for being cheesy, but he really could feel that they were going to do well in Clara Vista.

"We'll start unpacking tomorrow, unless you wanna start on yer room tonight," Bobby said as he came in. "I have to call Ellen and let her know we got in safe."

"She has a daughter, right?" Dean asked, a smirk forming on his lips.

"Name's Jo," Bobby said. "But don't even think about it," he added quickly, cutting off Dean, who was just about to ask if she was hot.

Dean rolled his eyes playfully. "Think about what?"

"I'd give you the speech myself, but I'll leave that to Ellen," Bobby replied as he dialed his old friend's number.

Dean grinned. Ellen Harvelle was Bobby's old friend from high school, and although Dean hadn't met her he was sure excited to. From Bobby's description and stories about her, she sounded like a tough, no nonsense kind of woman, and he'd bet money she'd raised her daughter to be that way too. The reason they'd moved to Clara Vista instead of another city was because of Bobby's connection to Ellen. Ellen owned a popular bar in town called the Roadhouse and was well known around the town. She'd scored Bobby and Dean jobs at the best auto shop in town.

"Hey Ellen, 's Bobby ... Yeah we got in safe ... The boys are fine ... Only the furniture, we'll unpack tomorrow ... No that's - ... Really, you don't - ... Well alright then ... See you soon."

Bobby hung up the phone and gave Dean a curious stare. While Bobby was on the phone, Dean had been squirming uncomfortably. He had a dark look in his eyes and Bobby could tell he was reliving the Incident.

"Son, you've got to get over this phone thing," Bobby said.

"I don't want to talk about it," Dean answered coldly.

"Dean - "

"So why'd you say 'see you soon'?" he asked, cutting across the old man.

Bobby sighed but let the issue drop. "Ellen insists on coming over and welcoming us to the town."

"Is she bringing Jo?" Dean asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Bobby pointed a stern finger at Dean. "No funny business."

"That shouldn't be hard to manage," Sam said as he walked in from the backyard through the sliding screen door in the kitchen.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, giving an offended look to his little brother.

"It means you're not funny, Dean," he replied with a dead pan.

Bobby snorted and Sam cracked a grin.

Dean rolled his eyes and reached out to ruffle the sixteen year old's hair.

"Bitch," he said playfully.

Sam dodged Dean and ran up the stairs to his new room.

"Jerk!" he called over his shoulder.

Dean watched Sam until he disappeared from sight and then turned to Bobby, sensing the man's serious air.

"Dean, did you register for classes at UCV?" Bobby asked.

"I told you already that I did," Dean replied tersely. "Quit hounding me."

"You know that one year of college was part of our deal for moving out here," Bobby reminded him.

"Yes, I know, Bobby," Dean growled. "I know that you're making me waste my time with classes at the University of Clara fucking Vista when I could be working more to raise money for Sammy's college fund."

"Dean, you're twenty years old and you still live with me and your brother!" Bobby exclaimed. "You think a GED and your pissy attitude are gonna to be enough to get you by in life?!"

"Well you seem to be doing fine," Dean snarled.

Bobby pursed his lips and balled his hands into fists as his face turned cherry red. He opened his mouth to say something when the doorbell rang.

"Sammy has a future, Bobby. That kid's going places," Dean said, his tone gentle and softer now. He relaxed his stance and looked at Bobby with a sad expression. "As long as he has a future, I don't care about mine."

Bobby flinched as if Dean's words had actually reached out and slapped him. He looked like he was going to reply when the doorbell rang again, this time accompanied by, "Bobby Singer you open this door now or I'll break it down!"

"Typical Ellen," Bobby muttered as he trudged over to the door, Dean following behind.

When Bobby opened the door Dean was greeted by the sight of two women. One was an older woman with chestnut colored hair and a stern yet amused expression on her face. The other was a younger girl around Sam's age with wavy blonde hair and a playful look in her eyes.

"Bobby, it's been too long," the older woman greeted, stepping forward to hug him, to which Bobby responded awkwardly to.

"You must be Jo's sister," Dean said with a wink, turning on his classic charm. He was about to say something else when he spied the food in the bag she held. "Is...is that pie?" he asked with a starry-eyed expression.

"You must be Dean," Ellen said with a laugh. "Bobby told me about your food preferences so I made this to bring over when you came into town. Cheeseburgers and pie, I approve."

"Y-you _made_..." Dean's eyes widened and he stared straight into Ellen's eyes and said, "Marry me."

"Sorry, kid, the age gap is too much for me," Ellen replied with a smile.

Dean shrugged. "I'll just marry Jo, then."

"Like hell you will," the blonde said, speaking up for the first time. "I'm _way_ out of your league."

"Not to mention only fifteen years old and can't cook a pie if her life depended on it," Ellen pointed out. "Bobby, this is my daughter Joanna Beth."

Jo's dark eyes flashed when she saw the expression on Dean's face. "You call me that and you'll get a boot in your face."

"Feisty!" Dean remarked. "I like that in a woman."

Bobby hit Dean across the head and the Harvelle women laughed. He stepped aside for them to come into the house and Dean called for Sam to come downstairs.

"Love what you've done with the place, Bobby," Ellen commented dryly, looking around the box-filled house.

"Barely five minutes after seeing each other again after decades and you're already harping me." Bobby gave Ellen an exasperated look. "Will you ever give me a break, woman?"

"Not even in your dreams," Ellen retorted over her shoulder as she went into the kitchen to put out the food she'd brought.

"I like her," Dean said to Bobby, who laughed.

Jo walked into the living room and plopped down onto the couch, coughing when a cloud of dust came up from the upholstery. She propped her feet up on the coffee table, pulled out her cell, and began texting someone.

"Who's here?" Sam asked as he came down the stairs.

"Ellen and Jo," Dean answered, sitting down next to Jo and putting an arm around her, pulling her into his side. Jo raised an eyebrow at him, turned her head to the side, and bit his arm. Dean retracted his arm with a yelp and scooted away from her. Jo grinned triumphantly.

"I like her," Sam said, going over to shake Jo's hand.

Dean grumbled nonsense under his breath as Ellen walked to Sam to greet him.

"Bobby, I thought you said this kid was short," she remarked, looking up at Sam.

"He sprouted probably anout three feet over the summer," Bobby replied. "Hasn't stopped yet, either."

"What are you now, Sammy?" Dean asked.

"5'11," Sam relied. "I've almost caught you up."

Dean rolled his eyes. "We'll see."

Dinner was a comfortable affair. Ellen and Jo fit effortlessly in to the Singer-Winchester clan, and Dean could tell it was going to be the Singer-Winchester-Harvelle clan by how well everyone was getting along. Jo was telling Sam about the high school and Ellen and Bobby were trading stories of what's happened to them since high school.

 _A fresh start is definitely what we needed,_ he thought to himself with a smile.

After dinner, Dean stepped outside for a breath of fresh air and to feel the winds blow around him. The sun was setting, casting a red glow around everything. He breathed in the California air and sighed. He heard the door open and then Jo was sitting next to him on the porch steps.

"Nice, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah," he answered.

"So Bobby said you're taking classes at UCV."

He stiffened.

"Let me guess, you're not happy about it?" she asked.

"I'll be wasting time and money with these college classes," he answered. "I just want to work and raise money for Sam to go to college."

"My mom got you and Bobby jobs at the auto shop, right?"

"Yeah, Bobby full-time and me part," he replied.

"It's not enough for you, is it?"

"Far from it."

They sat in comfortable silence for a little while. The winds blew again and Jo made a noise of discontent as the wind played with her hair and tangled it up.

"Listen, I'll get my mom to give you a job at the Roadhouse," she said. "We can always use more help around there."

"You work at a bar? Aren't you fifteen?" he asked with a quirked eyebrow.

She shrugged. "My mom owns the bar, remember, so she can bend the rules. I just can't handle any of the alcohol. You're 21, right?"

"I have an ID that says so," he replied smoothly.

Jo rolled her eyes. "Whatever. She won't care."

"Thanks Jo."

"But there's a catch."

He frowned. "What is it?"

"Give college a chance," she said. When his jaw hardened she added, "Just give it a chance. You have to go anyway, so why not let it be some fun at least? Sam and Bobby are giving California a chance for you, so you should return the favor by giving college a chance. Okay?"

He hated to admit it, but for a fifteen year old girl Jo sure made a lot of sense.

Dean conceded with a long exhale. "Fine. I'll give it a chance. For you, not for the job."

Jo smiled and punched him lightly. At his confused expression she blushed.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "That's how I show affection."

Dean laughed, remembering his earlier thoughts of what Jo might be like. He was delighted to know she was better than his expectations.

She looked embarrassed and obviously thought he was laughing _at_ her. When she shifted to move away, he lightly punched her on the arm. She stared at him, shocked, for a moment before she grinned.

"You hit like a girl," she said.

He glared at her and she laughed before getting up and going inside.

Dean stayed out on the porch for a few moments more, thinking about Clara Vista and UCV. Maybe college would turn out to be a fresh start for him, despite his reservations about it. He'd never wanted to go, never entertained the thought. Sammy was the one on the college track, not him. But Bobby had forced him into agreeing to a year of classes and he'd qualified for a lot of scholarships, so maybe it would end up working out.

He was about to go inside when he heard a car coming down the street. The car wasn't anything special, not like his baby, so Dean was about to turn away when he made eye contact with the driver.

The driver was a man around Dean's age. He had dark messy hair and stubble on his strong jawline, but what grabbed Dean's attention the most were his eyes. They were a striking blue, the kind that made you feel like you'd been punched in the gut when you looked at them. Dean thought the man had to be wearing color contacts; eyes that blue just didn't happen in nature.

Dean raised his hand in a wave, but the blue-eyed man just looked away and ignored him. Dean's hand hung awkwardly in the air as he watched the car disappear from sight. He shrugged off the man's rudeness. People in California were known for being rude, and Dean figured the stereotype had to have come from somewhere.

He refused to let his thoughts dwell on the blue-eyed man, no matter how much the man's eyes wanted to stick in his brain. He didn't need to think about rude blue-eyed men; he was having a fresh start, and he would find people who would wave back to him.

Besides, it wasn't like he'd ever see the blue-eyed man again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Clara Vista, California, and the University of Clara Vista are my creations, just to let you know
> 
> Please comment! =)
> 
> ~Ki


	2. First Impressions

"Where are you going?"

Dean stopped halfway to the garage door, car keys in his hand, when he heard his little brother.

"Got my first shift at the Roadhouse tonight," Dean said.

"But it's dinnertime," Sam protested.

"I'll eat there."

"But you, me, and Bobby haven't had dinner together by ourselves yet," Sam pointed out.

Dean shrugged. "Sorry, Sammy, gotta go earn the bacon so you can go to Stanford."

"Does Bobby know where you're going?"

"No, but you can tell him."

Sam frowned. "You sure about that? I might just suffer a case of amnesia when he comes home."

"Sammy..."

"Call him and tell him yourself. Now," Sam said.

"I'll just text him."

" _Dean_ \- "

"See ya Sammy, finish unpacking your room!" Dean called, slamming the garage door behind him.

He hated brushing Sam off like that, and he did feel bad for skipping out on the "family dinner" they were going to have tonight, but he had a job to do. Besides, things were still tense between him and Bobby after their fight yesterday.

So he texted Bobby, started up his baby, and drove out to the Roadhouse.

The bar wasn't hard to find since Jo had given him good directions. The place appeared to be as popular as he'd heard, judging from the nearly full parking lot. He parked the Impala and then entered the bar to find Ellen.

"Dean, good to see you," Ellen said when he approached her. She shoved a black shirt with the Roadhouse's logo on it, a belt with pouches, and a nametag into his arms. "Put these on and then meet me out here again."

Dean obliged and went into the bathrooms to change. He found the employee cubby holes and put his shirt and jacket in an empty one and then went back out front.

"Well it's a miracle," Ellen remarked when he came back out.

He raised an eyebrow.

"You look almost respectable," she clarified with a smile.

"Thanks, Ellen," he said, smiling back at her. "Jo workin' tonight?"

"Yeah, she's seating people over there," Ellen replied, pointing out here daughter.

He turned and saw Jo setting menus in front of a group of four guys. One of them knocked over his silverware and when she bent to pick it up the men shamelessly checked out her ass. She leaned over to put a new set of silverware in front of them and the guy took the chance to put a hand on her tiny waist.

Dean made a move to walk over there and teach the man a lesson when Ellen grabbed his arm firmly.

"Jo can take care of herself," she said, nodding for him to watch.

Quick as lighting, Jo grabbed the man's wrist and twisted his arm around backwards.

"Thank you for choosing Harvelle's Roadhouse, Ash will be your server tonight," she growled. "If you need anything at all, _don't_ ask me."

She let go after a few seconds more and sashayed back to the podium where other customers were waiting to be seated. Some customers applauded as she walked away and the four men at the table looked shocked; the one whose arm she twisted looked like he'd witnessed the wrath of God. When she got back to the podium she picked up a piece of chalk and added another tally mark to the chart on the side of the podium. It had "Jo" on one side and "customers" on the other; from what Dean could estimate, it was customers: zero and Jo: fifty.

Dean chuckled. "You've done a good job with her."

"I know," Ellen said with a smile. "Now, you know Jo already, but the guy with the mullet over there is Ash Parker."

He didn't think she was serious about the mullet, but it was true. Taking the orders of a young mother and her son was a man with light brown hair styled in a mullet. The guy looked like an idiot, but Dean hoped he was nice.

"Ellen," a low voice said to Dean's right. He turned and immediately felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

It was the blue-eyed man.

"It's you!" Dean exclaimed before he could bite back the words.

Ellen and the blue-eyed man gave Dean strange looks. Dean laughed, realizing how weird the statement was.

"Sorry, I mean you drove by my house yesterday and I waved at you. You didn't wave back," he explained.

"My apologies if I injured your feelings," the man said, his voice surprisingly low. "It's proper to drive with both hands on the steering wheel, that's why I didn't acknowledge your wave."

Dean raised an eyebrow at the stilted way the man talked. "No harm done, man, it's fine."

"Well, Dean, meet Castiel Novak. Castiel, meet Dean Winchester. Officially, that is," Ellen introduced. "Castiel and Ash are both students at UCV. Ash is a junior and Castiel is a sophomore."

 _Castiel_ , Dean thought to himself. It was a strange name, but it was nice. And at least he had a name to put to the face.

He outstretched a hand to Castiel to shake. "Nice to meet you."

Castiel nodded, ignoring Dean's hand, and said, "Pleasure."

Dean awkwardly lowered his hand back to his side and looked to Ellen for help.

She cleared her throat. "Right, well, you'll meet the rest of the staff later. Castiel would you mind showing Dean the ropes?"

"Of course, Ellen," Castiel said, then looked at Dean.

Dean briefly wondered if he'd ever stop feeling like he'd been punched in the gut when Castiel looked at him.

"Please follow me," Castiel said.

Dean shadowed Castiel for about an hour and Castiel explained to him the basics of the job and such. Dean felt like a puppy following him around and didn't try to strike up any conversation. He'd tried inquiring about the strangeness of his name, but Castiel had tiredly replied with, "It's biblical," and Dean got the impression that he was asked about his name a lot and decided to drop it.

"Take that table over there," Castiel said, nodding to a teenage couple Jo had just seated. "Wait a couple minutes and then ask what they would like to drink."

"Right," Dean said.

As he talked to the couple, he watched Castiel out of the corner of his eye. There was something weird about this guy that Dean couldn't explain. He was so stiffly formal that it could be mistake for blunt rudeness. Then there were the incredibly blue eyes and the dark brown sex hair.

"Okay, and do you want some waters too?" he asked.

He half listened as the guy declined and the girl said yes. He watched as Castiel wrote down a table's order, the blue eyes cast down on the notepad, his jaw set as he wrote. Dean found himself staring, and the couple at his table were watching him curiously.

"Right, sorry," he said, clearing his throat. "I'll be back with those."

Dean went back to the counter and walked over to the soda machine. He heard Castiel's low, rough voice in his mind as he remembered how much ice to put in the cups and how much to fill them. He picked up one of the plastic cups off the counter and pressed it against the ice dispenser just as Ash came over to talk to him.

"Sorry you had to be stuck with Novak," he said. "That guy's a drag."

"You mean Cas?" Dean asked.

Ash raised an eyebrow at the nickname and Dean guessed that nobody had ever called him that before.

"I think he's interesting," he continued.

Ash shook his head. "The dude's a nut. Got some sort of whacked out family, too."

"Yeah, well I can relate to that," Dean muttered darkly.

"Oh, I'm sorry man, I didn't - "

"No it's fine," he interrupted with a smile. "You didn't know."

Ash nodded. "I mean it, though. That guy is a serious head case."

"No offense, but I like to give people a chance before I decide whether they're crazy or not," Dean said, finishing with the drinks for his table.

"Your funeral," Ash mumbled under his breath.

Dean pretended not to hear. So what if Castiel had a few screws loose; who didn't these days? And as far as a messed up family, that wasn't his fault. Castiel had been nothing but polite to Dean, so Dean figured he deserved the benefit of the doubt.

After he gave the couple their drinks, he went back to the counter and fiddled with his thumbs. He wasn't sure how long he was supposed to wait until he asked what they wanted to eat, and he was getting impatient with waiting since he didn't have any other tables assigned to him. He spied Castiel carrying some plates over to a table, so he decided to go ask him how long he should wait.

"Hey, Cas," he said as he walked over.

Castiel didn't react, just kept walking.

Dean sped up his gait and called a little louder, "Cas!"

No response again. Dean was fairly close to him now, so he reached out and tapped Castiel on the arm to get his attention.

Nothing prepared him for what was going to come next.

As soon as his fingers came into contact with Castiel, the man flinched away from him. The plates went flying and crashed loudly on the floor. Food hit Dean and some nearby customers. Castiel let out a blood curdling shriek, falling to the ground because of how violently he'd recoiled away from Dean's touch.

The restaurant went silent except for the radio and all eyes were on them. Dean saw Ash watching him with an _I told you so_ look on his face.

"Cas, I'm sorry, here - "

He reached out to offer to help Castiel up, but he scrambled away from Dean's hand as if it were a gun.

" _DON'T TOUCH ME!_ " he screamed.

"But, Cas - "

" _Stay away_ from me, you lumbering _ape!_ " Castiel shrieked.

Ellen came rushing over from the back and tried to help Castiel up, but he shrank away and shouted at her too.

"Ellen, I'm sor - " Dean started.

"It's not your fault, Dean, but I think you should go home for tonight," Ellen said quietly, then looked somewhere next to his right shoulder. "Jo, get him out of here. I'll take care of Castiel."

Dean felt small hands pulling on his arm and looked to his right to see that Jo had materialized at his side. Despite how much stronger he was than her, he let her pull him out the back door.

"What the hell was that?" Dean asked, his voice testy.

"Castiel has this issue with being touched," Jo explained. "I'm sorry, I should've told you earlier. It slipped my mind."

"He doesn't like to be touched?" Dean repeated. "Is he a germophobe or something?! Cause if so he shouldn't be working in a fucking _bar!_ "

"No, he's not a germophobe," she said. "He's just scared of being touched or something. He usually handles it pretty well so it's never been an issue, but you didn't know, so - "

"So he flipped a bitch because I tapped him on the arm," he finished. "That's so fucking ridiculous I can't even begin to explain it."

"Dean, please, just give him a second chance," Jo begged, pulling on his arm again when he turned away.

He shook his head. "Jo, the guy freaked out and called me an ape because I touched him to get his attention. I don't need people like that in my life, and I certainly don't need to be giving them second chances."

Jo could tell he wasn't going to change his mind, so she went inside and got his shirt and jacket and Dean got in his Impala and left. He looked into the rearview mirror and saw Castiel in the window watching him go. He felt the familiar gut punch when he saw Castiel's eyes, but this time it was tinged with anger. He just hoped the bastard didn't ruin his chances of Ellen letting him work spare shifts there.

After all, first impressions last a lifetime.


	3. Menagerie of Mistakes

Nearly a month had passed since the Singer-Winchester clan had moved from Sioux Falls, South Dakota, to Clara Vista, California, and they were settling in quite nicely.

Bobby was a hit at the auto shop. Everybody loved him and they found his gruff, blunt attitude hilarious. People liked Dean too, of course, but Bobby was the popular one. Sam started his junior year of high school and was acing all his classes. He'd made some friends but hadn't brought any home yet. Ellen and Jo were over for dinner every other night.

Dean worked at the Roadhouse whenever he wasn't at the auto shop. He wanted to get as much work in as he could before he started classes at the college. He and Castiel had come to some sort of silent agreement to avoid each other at all costs. Ellen made sure to assign them to opposite parts of the bar and tried to give Dean the shifts that Castiel wasn't working. Castiel wouldn't even look at Dean, which Dean was fine with; at least he didn't have to deal with the gut-punch feeling anymore.

Still, he had no idea how the end of September and the beginning of college had snuck up on him.

Remembering his promise to Jo, he decided to give UCV a chance and went into his classes with an open mind. He took all freshman-level classes except for one, and he felt a little weird that he was a year older than all his classmates. So, as he did whenever he felt uncomfortable, he judged the people around him. He thought they were idiots, spending their money on the fabled "higher education" so they could supposedly have a better chance of earning a respectable living.

His one sophomore-level class was Math 251, which was Calculus I. Sammy was undoubtedly the smarter brother, but Dean did have some sort of a brain. For some reason math just clicked with Dean. He liked how everything had rules that you had to follow and there weren't any exceptions. He liked the black and white process, no gray areas like in English.  You were either right or you were wrong.

So just when Dean thought maybe college wouldn't suck so bad, he walked into his Math 251 class only to feel like he'd been gut-punched.

Castiel Novak's blue eyes burned into him the moment he walked into the room; fury was evident in his expression. Dean gritted his teeth and looked away quickly, searching for a seat as far away from Castiel as possible. He saw two open seats on the other side of the room from Castiel and they were both next to pretty redheads. One girl seemed like a bit of a weirdo and the other one was unbelievably sexy, so he sat next to the sexy one.

"I'm Dean Winchester, and you are?" he greeted smoothly as he took his seat next to the sexy redhead.

"Anna Milton," she answered, blatantly sweeping her eyes over his body. When she returned to his eyes she winked and smiled. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

After class she gave him her number and then the next day invited him to a party at her house Friday night.

And that was how he'd ended up going to the worst party of his life.

Dean showed up half an hour later than when Anna had told him the party would start. When he showed up to the house the party appeared to be in full swing, so he parked his baby around the block and then walked into the house. The first person he saw at the party was his little brother.

"Sammy?!" Dean exclaimed, walking over to him. "What are you doing here?"

"This girl, Ruby Cassidy, she invited me," he said, raising his voice to be heard over the music.

"And where does Bobby think you are?"

"At my friend Garth's house," he answered.

"Good man."

"Who invited you?"

"I have math with the girl who's hosting the party," Dean explained. "Anna Milton."

"She hot?"

"Sammy!" Dean said in a horrified tone. "Don't objectify women like that!"

Sam pulled a bitchface and Dean laughed.

"Yeah, she's a total babe," he admitted. "So I'm gonna go look for her instead of talk to my dork brother."

"Jerk!" Sam called as Dean walked away.

"Bitch!" he retorted.

A girl in Sam's direction gasped and slapped Dean, having thought that he was directing the insult towards her. He rubbed his cheek and took a step backwards, only to run into someone else. He turned around, apologizing, when he got the gut-punch feeling again, which he was getting really sick of.

When he realized that it was Castiel of all people he'd bumped into at a party, a million questions began flying through his mind.

_I never took him for the partying type ... Why would a guy who's afraid of being touched come to a party? ... Is he going to call me an ape again? ... Why isn't he freaking out that I bumped into him? ..._

"My sister made me come," Castiel explained, seeing Dean's dumbstruck expression. "Now, if you'll excuse me."

Castiel sidled past Dean and disappeared into the crowd.

Dean shook his head, feeling flabbergasted, and decided that he really needed to get a drink so he headed to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. He felt much better with the alcohol filled plastic cup in his hand, which he sipped idly as he walked around looking for Anna. He recognized a lot of people from the Roadhouse and some from the auto shop, but he didn't really know any of them so he didn't strike up conversations. He was about to approach a blonde girl with a nice rack when he felt someone grab his arm.

"Dean!" the person exclaimed.

He turned and saw Anna at his side.

"I'm glad you made it!" she said.

He gave her a crooked smile. "Anything for a pretty girl."

She laughed loudly and lightly hit his arm; she was obviously buzzed.

"Have you seen my little brother anywhere?" she asked, shouting a bit too loudly.

"I don't know who your brother is," he replied.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes you do, he's in our calc class."

Dean's expression went blank as he tried to remember the guys in their calc class.

She exasperatedly added, "You work with him at the Roadhouse!"

He paused, processing what she'd said and making sure he'd heard her correctly.

"Are you saying that _Castiel_ is your little brother?" he asked, eyebrows shooting so high up his forehead he thought they would fall off.

She nodded. "Yup!"

"Whoa, didn't see that one coming..." he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

"My littler brother knows your little brother," Anna told him. "And one of my older brothers used to work at the Roadhouse but he moved last year."

"That's a lot of brothers," Dean said. "Got any sisters?"

"Two!" she replied, holding up two fingers for emphasis. "And even more brothers."

"Geez, how big is your family?" he asked, amazed.

"Quite extensive due to my father's experimentations, the divorce, and my step-parents' children," said a low voice to Dean's left.

Dean turned and saw Castiel, and his gut spasmed like always.

"Anna is my step-sister and is only five months older than me," he explained, moving over to stand next to Anna.

"Cassy, you came!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

Dean expected Castiel to toss her across the room, but all he did was stiffen and tolerate her until she let go.

"This is a den of iniquity," Castiel told Anna. "I should not be here."

"Dude, you're a college student, iniquity's one of the perks," Dean said before he could stop himself.

Castiel turned his blue eyes to meet Dean's and Dean swallowed painfully.

"Yes, well, I go to college to learn, not to party," he said stiffly.

Dean clenched his jaw.

Anna rolled her eyes and said, "Cassy, don't be mean. I like Dean." She giggled then and added, "That rhymed."

"You're drunk," Castiel said.

"It's a party, Castiel," she snapped, then grabbed Dean. "Let's dance."

She dragged him away to the living room, and Dean felt Castiel's eyes on them until they were out of sight. Dean was glad for the distraction; there was something about that Castiel guy that he couldn't put a finger on.

Anna pulled Dean with her into the center of the mob of teens and young adults and pulled his hips against her ass. Dean looped his fingers through her belt loops and grinded against her to the beat of the song. It was easy to forget about Castiel when Anna put her arms in the air and Dean could press his thumbs to the soft skin at her hips.

They danced for a good half and hour until Anna said she had to go make sure the snack bowls were filled. Dean took the opportunity to down another cup of beer and find a bathroom.

He found one upstairs and let himself into it, not expecting to see Castiel sitting on the floor by the toilet, his hands covering his face.

"Whoa, man, sorry - "

Castiel lifted his face out of his hands and his eyes widened at the sight of Dean.

"I'll find another bathroom, sorry," he said, backing up to the door.

"No, it's fine," Castiel said, standing up.

Dean paused, seeing the guarded look return to Castiel's eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I was just hiding," he answered. "Anna made me promise to stay for at least an hour, so I hid here to pass the time."

"I'm sorry man, that's rough. She shouldn't force you to do something you don't want to."

Castiel shrugged. "She means well."

Dean nodded and a silence fell on them. This was more than they'd ever said to each other since the incident at the Roadhouse a month ago. He liked talking to Castiel, he discovered. There was something mysterious about the guy and he wanted to figure out what it was.

His thoughts were interrupted by a pressure in his lower abdomen.

"Right, well, I have to take a piss, so unless you want to watch..." Dean said.

Castiel twitched, which made Dean laugh slightly, but he didn't expect Castiel to move as quickly toward the door as he did. He sort of half-bolted and didn't pay attention to where he was going. Because of how fast he moved, Dean wasn't able to move to the side, and Castiel tripped on Dean's foot. As he fell, he grabbed on to Dean's jacket with surprising strength and pulled Dean down on top of him. They hit the floor and grunted with the impact, then realized the position they were in.

Dean's green eyes stared down into Castiel's blue ones, both wide and scared. Dean thought for sure Castiel was going to shove him off and yell at him again, but Castiel didn't do anything except stare back at him. Dean felt Castiel's chest expanding and collapsing as he breathed beneath him and he could count the different shades of blue in his eyes. Castiel's lips parted, probably to say something, and Dean felt his breath blow against his mouth.

And suddenly they were kissing.

It was rough and needy: teeth nipping at lips, tongues battling for dominance, and stubble grazing against each other's chins. Dean was holding himself up with one forearm resting on the ground, his other hand was cupping the side of Castiel's face. Castiel's were clutching Dean's back and one hand had found itself in Dean's hair. The kiss felt natural and right, and Dean didn't even mind that he was kissing a guy for the first time ever. The rest of the world slipped away from him. There wasn't a party, there wasn't any music pumping through the air, and there wasn't a bruise forming on his right knee from falling on tile floor. There was only Castiel.

Then Castiel stiffened.

He went completely rigid, his eyes flying open in shock. He removed his hands from Dean's hair and shoved hard against Dean's chest, shouting at him to get off.

"I - I'm sorry, Cas, I didn't - " Dean stammered, rolling to the side to let Castiel up.

Castiel didn't say anything. He didn't call him an ape, he didn't shout at him to stay away. He just stopped at the doorway and gave Dean a smoldering look of absolute contempt, then disappeared.

Dean let out an angry shout and punched the floor. He slammed the bathroom door shut and peed because he still had to, and then stormed out of the bathroom and down the stairs. Castiel wasn't anywhere to be seen, which Dean was fine with. He didn't know what had come over him. Sure he'd found a couple guys attractive before, and he was perfectly fine with admitting that, but he'd never kissed one, let alone _wanted_ to.

He was about to leave the house and head for his Impala when he saw Anna sitting in the corner looking crushed.

"Anna?" he asked.

The redhead looked up at him, her dark eyes filled with tears. She was clutching what looked like a picture frame to her chest.

"My dad's going to kill me," she whispered. The only reason he'd understood what

He extended a hand to her. "Come on, let's talk."

Anna gladly took his hand, the other still holding the picture frame, and he led her out of the house. They walked in silence until they reached the Impala, which she leaned against. He stood next to her and waited until she wanted to talk.

She held out the picture frame and he saw that it was broken. The glass was cracked and missing in some places. Something had been splashed on the picture, staining it, and there was a thin scratch across it. The picture was of a smiling woman with red hair like Anna, except she had pale blue eyes.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"My mother," she answered. "She died when I was a little girl. My dad was cheating on her and when she found out she killed herself."

Dean sucked in a breath. "Anna, I'm - "

"This is the only picture of her that we have left, and he doesn't think I know about it," she continued. "He keeps it in the back of his closet. I don't even know how someone got to it, and now - "

She stifled a sob and Dean wrapped an arm around her.

"My dad's going to kill me," she repeated.

Dean just hugged her harder. "It's not your fault."

She shrugged. "I threw the party, I'm the one to blame."

"Anna, don't - "

She pulled away from him and looked him straight in the eyes, then leaned up and kissed him briefly.

He stared at her, amazed, and couldn't help but compare her kiss to Castiel's. She was soft and gentle, and Castiel had been rough and wild. The worst part was, he didn't know which one he preferred...

"What was that for?" he asked to get his mind off Castiel.

"You know...my last night on earth, and all that," she replied coyly.

Dean paused and smiled a little bit. "You're stealing my best line," he joked.

She laughed and he bent down and kissed her hard, trying to wash the taste of Castiel out of his mouth. She moaned against him and he responded by crushing her against the car, giving her no space to move. When she tugged at his belt, he pulled her away from the car to open the door to the backseat. She crawled in, pulling her shirt off as she did, and Dean tugged off his belt before crawling in after her.

And by the end of the night, the kiss with Castiel was just a distant memory.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never written a sex scene before and I'm not comfortable doing so yet, sorry
> 
> And in this story Ruby is Ruby 1.0
> 
> ~Ki


	4. Boys Will Be Boys

The week following the party was awkward to say the least.

As opposed to pretending Dean didn't exist like he did before, now Castiel ducked his head and skittered away from Dean like a scared puppy whenever they got near each other. Jo noticed the change and tried asking Dean if something had happened between them, but he shut her down.

When he went to Math 251 on Monday Castiel hid behind his textbook when Dean entered the classroom and Anna had traded seats with someone so she could sit next to Castiel. Instead of sitting next to the guy Anna had traded with, Dean went up to sit next to the other redhead he'd passed on initially. Her name was Charlie Bradbury and she was actually pretty cool, and Dean felt bad for judging her to be a weirdo before he'd even talked to her.

After Dean and Anna had pretty amazing sex in the backseat of the Impala, Anna had left rather abruptly. She told him not to tell anybody about the sex and especially not about the picture of her mom. Then she got dressed and he dropped her off at her house and he went home. He'd tried texting her several times that weekend, but she never responded.

On Wednesday he'd had enough of her ignoring him and decided to confront her.

"Hey Anna!" he called after class let out.

She stopped and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked.

She bit her lip and deliberated, and then nodded.

Together they left the building and Dean waited until they were away from other people to start talking to her.

"Okay, what's with the cold shoulder?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she countered innocently.

"You haven't talked to me since the party," he said. "Is something wrong? Is it your dad?"

Anna sighed and put her hands on his arm. "Dean, you're a great guy, but Friday was just sex," she said in a tone that sounded like she was breaking up with him.

He blinked. "Yeah, I know."

Her mouth formed a tiny 'o' and she stared back at him. "You...oh. I thought - "

"Did you think I wanted a relationship?" he asked, chuckling slightly.

"Well, you kept texting me - "

"Yeah, cause I want to be your friend," he said with a small smile. "If that's alright with you?"

Anna laughed and ran a hand through her hair. "Oh, gosh, this is embarrassing. I'm sorry, it's just that guys usually end up wanting something more with me, and I...well I just want the sex."

"That's different," he said with a laugh.

"Tell me about it." She grinned.

"So, friends?" he asked.

She nodded. "Friends."

Dean and Anna quickly fell into a rhythm with their friendship, but Dean still sat next to Charlie in calc because he genuinely liked her. Now that he'd solved the problem with Anna, all he had to do was get Cas to stop shying away from him every time he came near because, frankly, it was starting to piss him off.

The opportunity came on Saturday.

"Someone get the door!" Sam shouted from the upstairs bathroom after the doorbell rang. "My friend Inias is coming over!"

"You heard him, Bobby," Dean said as he lounged on the couch.

Bobby looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Dean sighed and got up, walking over to the front door. Whatever he might have been expecting to see when he opened the door was definitely not this.

Castiel stood on the doorstep, his eyes wide when he saw Dean. In front of him were two teenagers maybe a year younger than Sam. The boy had longish brown hair, but it was nowhere near as long as Sam's, and a shy expression on his face. Beside him was a rather fierce-looking girl with curly blonde hair.

Dean and Castiel simply stared at each other, unable to look away. The boy and girl looked between them with confusion, and Bobby looked up from his book, surprised by the silence, which was broken when Sam ran down the stairs.

"Hey Inias!" he greeted, standing beside Dean in the driveway.

The boy smiled. "Hey Sam."

"Hi Sam!" the blonde girl piped up.

Inias made a face. "Sorry about Hester, she insisted on coming."

"Mom said you should include me!" she snapped.

Sam shrugged. "The more the merrier. Come on in."

He stepped to the side to let them in since it was clear by the still unbroken eye contact between Dean and Castiel that his brother wasn't going to move out of the way. Bobby stood up from his chair to see Dean and Castiel still staring at each other.

"Right, well," Castiel stammered finally. "I'll be back to, uh, pick up the twins at...er, when they call, I suppose."

"You're Castiel, right?" Bobby asked, walking over to the door. "You work at the Roadhouse?"

Castiel finally broke the eye contact with Dean to look at Bobby. "Yes."

"Well why don't you stay?" Bobby said. "Hang out with Dean and stay for dinner. That way you don't have to make another trip."

Castiel looked lost. He didn't know whether to accept or decline, and he looked to Dean for help.

Dean thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, stay. If you want to, I mean."

Castiel nodded slowly. "I would like that."

"Well I'll be down here if you need anything," Bobby said, going back to sit in his chair and read his book.

"Come on, we'll go to my room," Dean told Castiel, gesturing for him to follow.

Dean's room was surprisingly neat for being a boy's room. He took pride in his room. His vinyls were stacked on the bookshelves next to his collection of video games. Posters of half-nude women and rock bands covered his wall. His double bed was in the corner and his desk was at the foot of his bed. Across from his bed was his television and gaming system.

"Your room is very nice," Castiel said.

He shrugged. "It's nothing special, but I like it."

"It's very...you."

Castiel's attention was on the room, so Dean took the opportunity to study him. He wore a dirty beige trench coat, which Dean recognized from seeing it hanging in the back room at the Roadhouse. His hair was messy and his stubble was coming back in. Dean remembered the feeling of that stubble grazing across his chin...

Dean realized Castiel had caught him staring so he cleared his throat.

"Right, well, uh...you can sit down if you want to," he said.

Castiel nodded and sat at the chair in front of Dean's desk while Dean sat on the bed. The silence was heavy as Dean tried to think of something to say.

"Hey, about the party - "

"I think we both can conclude that we were under the influence of intoxicants and that led to an interaction that was outside of our comfort zones," Castiel said. "I believe the phrase is 'let bygones be bygones,' correct?"

"If by that you mean, 'it's no big, let's move on,' then yeah." Dean grinned.

Castiel smiled shyly back. "I'm sorry, my siblings often make fun of me for the way I speak."

"I think it's interesting," Dean said. "It's very you."

Castiel smiled brightly at that and Dean decided that he liked it when Castiel smiled, because it was an expression he so rarely saw on the man's face.

"So, Cas - "

"You've called me that a couple times before," he interrupted. "Why?"

Dean paused, surprised. "Well, no offence, but 'Castiel' is a bit of a mouthful. Haven't you ever had a nickname?"

"Anna and her brothers like to call me 'Cassy,' but I don't like it when they do," Castiel answered.

"Do you mind if I call you Cas?" Dean asked.

Cas smiled. "I'd like that."

Dean nodded and looked away, smiling to himself. Cas' smile turned him into a completely different person. Instead of brooding, moody, and unapproachable he became bright, happy, and adorable.

 _Did I just call a dude adorable?_ he thought to himself in shock.

"Okay, Cas, do you want to play a video game?" Dean asked, trying to come up with something they could do.

Cas tilted his head to the side and Dean swallowed, uncomfortable with the face that the word 'adorable' had just popped back into his mind.

"I've heard of those before, but I've never played one," he said.

Dean's eyebrows raised. "Wow. Well it's about time you started."

He got off the bed and went over to his video game collection and pulled out a game that said Need For Speed on it and put it in his PS3. Then he grabbed two controllers and sat on the floor with his back against the bed, gesturing for Cas to sit next to him. Cas sat down after removing his trench coat, but left about two feet of space between them. Dean didn't ask, but he made note to later.

"We'll start you off with a racing game," he said, and explained which buttons did what and then helped Cas through picking a car and a track.

When they started the race, Cas got really into it. He moved his body and controller around a lot, as if it would help him. Dean smiled and went a little easy on him, and after three laps Cas won. He pumped the controller into the air, then turned to Dean and grinned. Dean laughed at the joyous expression on his face and took it as fact that all boys loved video games and that playing them together could erase any problems.

"That was fun," Cas said, blue eyes bright. "Can we do it again?"

"Can I ask you a question?" he asked.

Cas' smile faded a little bit. "I suppose that's fair."

"Why don't you like being touched?" he asked. "I mean, you freaked out on me at the Roadhouse, but then at the party you seemed okay..."

Cas looked away and stared at his lap. He was silent for several moments and Dean was about to take it back when Cas spoke.

"Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another living soul?" he asked.

Dean nodded.

"In my experience, hands are used for hurting. Being touched makes you vulnerable," he said and took a breath. "I...I was...bullied badly as a child. I got beaten almost every day, in places the teachers wouldn't look. Ever since then, being touched just..." He sighed.

"It takes you back," Dean finished, thinking about what had happened at the beginning of summer, about the Incident...

Cas looked at him curiously and nodded. "Yes. Over the years I've gotten a handle on it. I'm fine with my siblings touching me, as you saw at the party with Anna, as long as they don't sneak up on me. And if I know I'm going somewhere crowded, like the party, then beforehand I mentally prepare myself for being bumped into."

Dean nodded as he processed the information.

"I'm terribly sorry about what happened at the Roadhouse," Cas confessed. "It's just, I'd only known you for an hour at that point, and at the Roadhouse I'm used to not being touched. I hadn't expected you to tap me on the arm, and when you did, I..." He sighed again. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Cas. I understand," he said. "I just wish you had said something afterwards instead of ignoring me for a month. I thought you hated me."

Cas' eyes widened. "Oh no, I never hated you. I was embarrassed and didn't know how to explain it to you. Ellen and Jo don't even know why. And then, after the party, I felt ashamed because I knew you were confused and probably upset."

Dean nodded. "I get it."

"I don't hate you, Dean," Cas repeated, for emphasis. "I'd like to be your friend, actually."

"Well I'd like that too," Dean said, and Cas smiled. "But I'm going to help you get over your touch thing, because that's what friends do."

Cas' expression changed to a mixture of worry and fright. Dean shifted so he could face Cas better. He raised his hand up and Cas stared at it, fixated.

"I'm going to put my hand on your arm," he said, and after a moment Cas nodded.

As Dean slowly lowered his hand, he spoke, "Hands can be used for hurting, I'll give you that. But in my experience, touch represents physical intimacy. When you feel comfortable touching someone, it means you're close. Friends and family, for instance."

He laid his hand on Cas' forearm, spreading his fingers over Cas' skin.

"Touch brings you closer," he said softly.

The air between them was charged, and Dean felt his heart beating as hard as it was in the bathroom at Anna's house. The only sound in the room was the game's menu music playing on the television. Cas looked up at him and smiled, then lifted his free hand and slowly put it over Dean's.

"There now," Dean said softly after a beat. "That's not so bad, is it?"

Cas swallowed and shook his head. "No, it's not. It's not bad at all."

Dean gently squeezed Cas' arm and then removed his hand from Cas' arm. He picked up his controller and gestured to the television.

"Want to play again?"

Cas nodded. "Prepare to be beaten again."

Dean laughed. "I won't go easy on you this time."

"Neither will I."

He laughed again as they set up their new game, this time with Cas pressed gently against his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is going to move rather quickly. I'm not going to skip on character development or anything, just know that there are going to be a lot of time skips
> 
> ~Ki


	5. Letting You In

A month ago, Cas didn't feel comfortable being touched. Now it seemed like he didn't feel comfortable unless he was being touched by Dean.

After they'd bonded over video games and overcoming psychological trauma, Dean and Cas fit seamlessly into each other's lives. They'd memorized each others' schedules after a few days and met up with each other after every class. They formed their own group of friends, consisting of Anna, Charlie, Ash, Bela Talbot, and Meg Masters. Sometimes a guy who called himself Crowley would hang out with them too. Dean wasn't a fan of Bela and Meg, but Cas was fond of Meg, and Bela was Meg's best friend, so the two were a package deal.

They hung out together at Dean's house all the time and texted when they couldn't be around each other. Cas and Sam got along well, to Dean's pleasure, and they would hang around the auto shop and discuss books they'd read while Dean worked. Cas and Jo even formed a nice camaraderie once they started talking outside of work. The point was, it became very rare to see one without the other.

So when Friday, November 2nd, came around and Dean completely ignored everyone, even Cas, it was a call for worry.

Dean didn't show up to calculus that day, and Cas talked to Dean's other teachers and they said he didn't show up to their classes either. He didn't answer any of Cas' texts or calls, and he wasn't at the Roadhouse or the auto shop. Cas went to their house but nobody was home, so he called Sam.

"Hey Cas, what's up?" Sam answered.

"Sam, where is Dean?!" he demanded frantically. "He didn't go to any classes and he wasn't at the Roadhouse or the shop and none of our friends have seen him and he won't answer my calls - "

"Cas, first calm down," Sam interrupted. "And he definitely won't answer if you call."

"Why not?"

"You haven't noticed? He doesn't talk on the phone. Ever."

Cas thought about it for a moment and realized that it was true. Dean always texted him, never called, but he hadn't given it much thought before.

"Why doesn't he talk on the phone?"

"Ask _him_."

Sam's tone was dark and Cas decided to let it go, but made a mental note to ask Dean about it later.

"Where are you?" he asked. "I'm at your house, but nobody - "

"Bobby and I are in Kansas."

He paused, surprised. "Sam, why are you in the Midwest?" he asked, confusion coloring his voice.

"We're visiting my mother's grave."

Cas' heart dropped into his stomach and he almost dropped the phone too.

"Is today - "

"Yeah," Sam muttered. "It's the anniversary of her death."

He suddenly felt dizzy with the realization and had to lean against the porch to keep from falling over. Dean and Cas had talked about everything except their families. All Cas knew was that both of the brothers' parents had died, they had no other family, and Bobby had been their legal guardian for years. He didn't know that today...

"Cas, Dean refused to come with Bobby and me to Kansas," Sam said, interrupting Cas' thoughts. "I wanted to stay with him so he wouldn't be alone, but he promised he'd hang out with you."

"He lied," Cas said in an innocently informative tone.

"I gathered that much," Sam responded dryly. "Listen, Cas, he always takes today really hard and I think he needs you right now. He's probably locked himself in his room. There's a key behind the dog sign."

"Thank you Sam," Cas said, going over to the sign by the door that said 'Beware of Dog' with a picture of a Yorkshire Terrier on it, which Dean said was the closest Sam would ever get to having a dog. Sure enough, there was a key taped to the back.

"And Cas?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Punch him for me, will ya?"

"I...I will try," Cas promised somberly.

Sam laughed and then hung up. Cas put his cell back in his pocket and then let himself into the house, pocketing the key. He walked upstairs and down the hall to Dean's room, where he gently pushed open the door.

"Dean?" he said softly.

Dean was a lump on his bed, headphones pressed tightly over his ears, but the music was so loud that Cas could hear it word for word. Dean's room was a mess: the bookshelves were knocked over and the vinyls and video games covered the floor, a couple vinyls even appeared broken. Dean had torn a couple posters off the wall and turned them into confetti.

Cas approached Dean slowly, trying to step around the records and games, and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean, who hadn't heard Cas come in because of the music, flinched and ripped his head phones off his ears. Cas drew back, looking scared.

Dean's expression was one of fierce anger until he realized that it was Cas. His anger melted and he slumped his shoulders, becoming utterly broken. Cas sat next to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean laid his head on Cas' shoulder and grabbed a fistful of Cas' trench coat. Cas rested his cheek on the top of Dean's head and hummed softly.

"What's that?" Dean asked quietly after several moments.

"It's a song my mother used to sing to me," Cas answered. "I think it's called Carry On Wayward Son."

"Yeah, I know it. Good song," he said, gently pulling out of Cas' embrace, but still staying next to him, his eyes trained on the floor.

Cas watched him for a moment. "Dean, I'm sorry."

"Sam called you."

"No, I called him." Cas pulled on Dean's jacket sleeve to make Dean look at him. "I didn't know where you were, I thought something happened to you!"

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean mumbled, looking away.

Suddenly Dean felt a light tap of a fist on his arm. He turned to see Cas with his hands balled into fists, a stubbornly angry expression on his face.

"What was that?" Dean asked with a crooked grin.

"Sam asked me to punch you, so I obliged," Cas said, and then punched him again. "That one was for making me worry."

Dean started laughing and Cas breathed a sigh of relief at the sound.

"Dude, we need to work on your punches," Dean told him. "I'll get Jo on that."

Cas smiled a little and Dean shook his head, fiddling with the hole in his jeans. He looked up when Cas got off the bed.

"Come with me," Cas said, extending his hand.

Dean raised an eyebrow and took Cas' hand, and was subsequently dragged out the front door and to Cas' car.

"Where are we going?" he asked. "Cas?" he pressed when his friend didn't answer.

"You'll see," Cas replied as he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. "I want you to meet someone."

Dean raised an eyebrow but didn't question it; he trusted Cas. Instead, he busied himself by messing with the radio until he found the classic rock station. He sang loudly along to AC/DC, which made Cas smile. The drive was maybe about ten minutes, and Dean stopped singing when he realized that Cas was pulling into the driveway of a graveyard.

"Cas, what are we doing here?" Dean asked urgently, instantly uncomfortable. "Cas I don't want to be here."

Cas kept driving.

"Turn around, Cas. _Now_ ," he said fiercely.

Cas reached over and put a hand on Dean's thigh. Dean jumped slightly, surprised that Cas was touching such an intimate place on his body, but relaxed because it was _Cas_.

"Please trust me," Cas said, glancing over at him.

Dean nodded silently and Cas removed his hand. After a couple of minutes driving around in the graveyard, Cas pulled his car over and got out. Dean got out too and followed as Cas started walking between the headstones until he stopped in front of one.

"Hey, Mom," Cas said.

Dean's eyes widened and he read the inscription on the headstone:

 

_Ann Marie Novak-Milton_  
July 23, 1967 - April 16, 2000  
Beloved mother and wife

"Sorry I haven't been around," Cas continued. "I brought a friend with me today. His name is Dean."

Dean cleared his throat. "Hi there, so I'm Dean. Um, you should be proud of Cas. He's a great guy."

"Dean exaggerates. I yelled at him the first day I met him," Cas told the headstone with a laugh.

"It was a misunderstanding," Dean added.

Cas smiled at Dean, a silent _Thank you_ for going along with talking to his mother's headstone.

"Well, we miss you, Mom. I'll visit you soon."

And with that, Cas walked away from the headstone. Dean followed him.

"Cas, I - "

"My mom and dad had three kids," Cas interrupted. "My brother Michael, my sister Rachel, and me. Michael is four years older than me and is getting his law degree at Stanford."

"Don't let Sammy know that," Dean told him with a grin. "He'll probably track down your brother and interview him."

Cas smiled back and continued, "Rachel is one year older than me. She's in the nursing program at UCLA. She's very nice, you'd like her."

"I bet I will," Dean said.

Cas blushed slightly at the implication of the statement: that Dean wanted to meet Cas' family. They reached Cas' car and Cas leaned against it as he spoke, Dean standing next to him with their arms brushing.

"My parents split up when my mom discovered that my dad had cheated on her and had an illegitimate son, my older brother Lucian. I was three," Cas said. "Luce is only a year younger than Michael, and they _hate_ each other. Michael calls him Lucifer and Luce calls him Michelle, which granted isn't as bad as being called Satan but it still bothers Michael. It's _awful_ when they're both in town, but it's rare because Luce goes to UNLV."

"I'm sorry," Dean murmured.

"My dad remarried when I was five to my step-mother Naomi. She already had two sons, my older step-brothers Raphael and Uriel, but they stayed with their dad in Northern California. Raphael is three years older than me - same age as Luce - and is majoring in business management. Uriel is one year older than me and he's a criminal justice major. They're...different."

"How so?"

He shrugged. "They're really dark. Raphael is really serious all the time, and Uriel is very pessimistic. I don't know them very well because they grew up with their father and didn't visit very much."

"Oh, I see."

"That year Naomi had the twins, and you know them," Cas said. "I think it's nice that Sam's their friend. They don't get along with many people, mainly because Hester always tags along with Inias and she has a bit of a temper."

"I think Sam knows how to handle them," Dean replied with a smile.

Cas nodded. "When I was six my mom got remarried to my step-father Zachariah. You know Anna, but she also has two older brothers named Gabriel and Balthazar. Gabriel is two years older than me, and I don't even know what he's up to. Balthazar grew up in England with his mother, but he visits sometimes. He's one year older than me and filthy rich."

"How'd he manage that?" Dean asked in amazement.

"He's a whiz at the stock market," Cas answered with a smile. "Anyway, it's good that Gabe and Bal aren't around each other that much because they love to pull pranks on people. Anna can't stand it."

Dean chuckled as he pictured Anna getting pranked.

"I was seven when my mom had my little half-brother Samandriel."

Dean flinched at the awful name. "That's a rough name."

Cas grinned. "Yeah, he goes by Alfie, though, because his middle name is Alfred."

"Samandriel Alfred Milton?" Dean said. "Wow."

He nodded. "Yeah. My mom died when Alfie was just a baby. Aneurysm. I was eight."

"Cas - "

"To be honest, my step-father probably wouldn't have stayed in town after my mom died if it wasn't for Alfie. He wanted Alfie to know Michael, Rachel, and me. I'm glad he did, though. Alfie's a great kid."

"That's good," Dean said with a smile.

"So, yeah, that's my crazy, messed up family," Cas said with a laugh. "My dad is never around because of his work and my step-parents hate each other, but us kids all stick together. Except for Michael and Luce, of course. But Anna and Hester consider each other sisters even though they're not really related at all."

"Must be crazy to have that many siblings," Dean commented. "And I'm sorry about your dad. I know how that is."

Cas shrugged and nodded. "I'm pretty used to it, both the siblings and my dad always being gone." Cas played with his trench coat a little bit. "He gave me this trench coat a few years ago."

"Is that why you wear it all the time?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I feel closer to him when I wear it."

"I know what you mean. I got the Impala from my dad." Dean smiled to himself at the thought of his baby, and then turned to look at Cas. "No offence, but why the sudden family history lesson?"

Cas shrugged, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "I wanted to get your mind off of your mom."

Dean stared at Cas with wonder. He went through the long, complex history of his family and talked about the death of his mother and the absence of his father all just to distract Dean from thinking about his own mother.

"You know, Cas, you're kinda becoming my best friend," Dean said, half in amazement.

Cas looked at him and smiled, his eyes becoming three shades brighter. "You're kinda becoming mine too."

He smiled to himself, took a breath, and said, "My mom died in a fire when I was four."

Cas' eyes widened and he shook his head quickly. "No, Dean, you don't have - "

"I want to," Dean interrupted, then started again, "Sammy was six months old. She was checking on Sam when she dropped her candle - she was a sucker for candles - and the nursery caught fire and spread like crazy. A ceiling beam had fallen on top of her and pinned her. My dad ran in and tried to save her, but she forced him to get Sam and me out first. He tried going back in but the firefighters wouldn't let him. By the time they got upstairs, it was too late."

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder for support.

"After that my dad went kinda crazy," he continued, playing with the hole in his jeans again. "We left Kansas because everything reminded him of our mom. We'd go from place to place, staying only until our dad saw something that reminded him of our mom. Then we'd pick up and leave again.

"Bobby tried talking to him, tried explaining to him that we needed a home, a steady lifestyle, an education. But he didn't listen, so Bobby called CPS and, because we didn't have any other relatives, Bobby became our legal guardian. Sam was two and I was six. Our dad kept travelling. Probably visited every city in the States before...before he died."

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas murmured.

"He died in June."

"Of _this year?!_ " Cas said in exclamation.

He nodded.

"Oh, Dean, I didn't know - I didn't think it was still so soon." Cas frowned, upset with himself. He felt like he should've known, should've figured it out sometime.

"It's fine, Cas. How could you know?" Dean asked, his tone blank.

"Sam...Sam told me to ask you why you don't talk on the phone," Cas said hesitantly. "Does it have anything..."

"Yeah," Dean answered darkly, stepping away from the car, his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have - "

"My dad died because he was on the phone with me."

Cas' heart broke a little but didn't approach Dean. He knew Dean needed his space.

"He was late. He was supposed to come to Sam's band concert but he didn't fucking show." Dean kicked the ground in frustration. "Sam was pissed and shit, going on and on about how Dad always broke his promises and was never there for us, so I called him. I called him and yelled at him and he was apologizing and apologizing and saying he forgot what day it was and other bullshit like that. I kept saying that it didn't matter, that if he really cared about his sons then he would've remembered and been on time."

Dean inhaled a ragged breath and dragged his hands through his hair.

"He was distracted because of me, he wasn't paying attention - " He swallowed and closed his eyes, reliving the fateful phone call. "I heard it. The crash. The entire thing. I heard the metal crunching, and the honking, and the air bag deploying, and I heard him scream - "

He fell to his knees in agony and suddenly Cas was there, holding Dean' head in his hands. Dean was crying, and Cas knew instinctively that he was the first person Dean had told this to, the first person he'd ever revealed this pain to.

"I didn't hang up - I couldn't not even after everything was silent," Dean said weakly. "I thought he was dead, he had to be. But he wasn't. Not then, at least. He...he said 'I'm sorry, Dean.' And that was it."

Dean let out a ferocious yell and started pounding the ground with his fists. Cas grabbed his arms and restrained him, pulling him in close. Dean yelled and yelled and yelled until his throat was raw. Cas held him so tightly he was sure that he was bruising Dean, but it was better than having him cut up his hands on gravel. Dean took a few breaths and then spoke again.

"Those were the last words my dad ever said, and I had to hear them," he whispered brokenly. "I had to hear them because he got in a car crash because I fucking called him. After that I couldn't stand being in Sioux Falls anymore. I was sick of people whispering, so I convinced Bobby to let us come out to California, but I had to promise to take one year of classes at UCV. So that's why I don't talk on the phone, Cas. Not anymore. Sammy quit band and I quit phone calls and all three of us quit South Dakota."

"Thank you for telling me, Dean," Cas said, gently relaxing his hold on Dean. "But I'm going to help you get over it because that's what friends do, you said so."

Dean laughed without humor and pulled away from Cas so he could look at him. "That's right, Cas, I did say that."

Cas nodded, his blue eyes sad, but he still smiled at his friend. Dean didn't feel like he was being punched anymore whenever he looked at Cas. Now he felt a warm pulling sensation in his gut, something that said, _Yes, this is right, this is where you need to be_.

Not that he'd ever admit that out loud.

"Let's go," Cas said, rising to his feet and pulling Dean up with him.

The ride back to Dean's house was silent (Dean didn't turn the radio on) but comfortable. On occasion Cas would glance over at Dean and Dean would glance over at Cas and sometimes they would glance at the same time and look away quickly, making Dean feel like a preteen girl but he couldn't help it. They were both resting their arms on the console so they were touching, and the contact relaxed them both.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" Cas asked when they arrived at Dean's house. "Until Sam and Bobby get back tonight?"

Dean shook his head. "No, you've done enough for me. Besides, it's late, you should go home."

The sun was setting, Cas realized with a jolt. He hadn't realized how late it had gotten and he hadn't let his step-mother know where he was.

"Okay, if you're sure," he said warily. Dean started to get out of the car when Cas fumbled in his pocket and said, "Wait! Here, your spare key. I used it to get in earlier."

Dean stared at the key for a moment and then shook his head. "Keep it."

Cas smiled and pocketed the key again. "Thank you for letting me in, Dean."

"Thanks for being there," he answered. "And thanks for letting _me_ in."

Then he pulled Cas into a quick hug. Because they were in the car and Cas still had his seatbelt on, the angle should've been a little awkward and uncomfortable, but it felt just perfect to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer is Lucian in this story because people in real life just don't name their kids Lucifer. And I pronounce 'Lucian' as Loo-see-an, not Loo-shun, so that's why his nickname is Luce
> 
> I envision Meg to be Meg 2.0 in this story
> 
> ~Ki


	6. Oh Brother

"Your popcorn's done!" Sam called from downstairs.

"You heard him," Dean informed his best friend while trying to balance a pencil on his nose.

Cas glared from where he lounged on Dean's bed studying. "I got it last time, it's your turn."

Dean picked up a game controller. "Settle this with a race?"

"By the time we're done it'll either be cold or Sam will have eaten it," Cas pointed out.

"Guess you'd better get it then."

Cas slammed his textbook grumpily to make a point, but not before having saved his place with his papers. He climbed off the bed and glared at Dean again, who just grinned cheekily.

In the two weeks following the anniversary of Mary Winchester's death, Cas and Dean had grown even closer - a feat that nobody previously would've thought possible. Cas practically lived at the house now with the exception of staying the night; his step-mother had been strictly reinforcing the rules since he'd come home late after comforting Dean that night. There was always a place setting on the dinner table for Cas now, right next to Dean's. Cas felt more welcome in the Singer-Winchester home than he did in his own. It was lazy Saturdays like these that he looked forward too.

"Here's your popcorn," Cas said when he returned to Dean's room, tossing the bag at him.

Dean caught it with ease. "Thanks buddy."

Cas rolled his eyes and returned to his studying. Dean turned on the television and began playing Call of Duty, but he had the volume down low out of respect for Cas. After about ten minutes, Dean paused his game and turned to look at Cas.

"How are you doing?" he asked.

"Hm?" Cas didn't look up from his book.

"I mean with Thanksgiving coming up in a week. Your family's coming into town, right?" he asked.

Cas put his pencil down and sat up, nodding slightly. His always-messy-sex-hair flopped up and down on his head and his eyes seemed dark.

"So how are you feeling about it?"

"Luce is coming in on Tuesday, Rachel should arrive sometime before him, and Michael shouldn't be here till Thanksgiving morning," he answered. "I believe Gabriel is coming into town, but I don't know about Balthazar, Raphael, or Uriel."

"And your dad?"

Cas shrugged. Dean set his controller down and turned around completely so that he was sitting on the floor directly in front of Cas. He patted Cas' knee.

"You can always have Thanksgiving with us," he offered. "Ellen and Jo will be here, and Ellen's gonna bake a ton of pies. I think Adam's mom might even let him Skype us."

"Who's Adam?"

"Oh..." Dean rubbed the back of his head. "Guess I forgot to mention him. To be fair, I've only known him for a few months. Haven't even met him in person."

Cas raised an eyebrow.

"Adam Milligan is mine and Sam's half-brother," he said. "Kid's just about ten. Lives with his mom in Minnesota. Him and his mom didn't know about us and we didn't know about them. Guess my dad had to keep himself entertained somehow while he was on the road."

"Dean - "

"But anyway, when he died it all came out," Dean continued. "Me and Sam were pretty pissed about it for a while, but he called us and we talked to him and he's actually a cool kid. Doesn't deserve to get shit for what our dad did, right?"

Cas nodded.

"Well, I guess his mom is scared we might corrupt him or something, so that's why we haven't met yet, but Adam's working on her."

"I'd like to meet him too," Cas said, and Dean smiled a little bit.

"So...how about it? Wanna have Thanksgiving with us?" he asked.

Cas shifted a little. "About that...Thanksgiving is weird for my family."

"How so?" Dean asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Well, we have two of them," he started. "My mom didn't want Michael, Rachel, and I to have to choose which family we wanted to have Thanksgiving with, but because my step-parents hate each other we don't all do it together. Instead, the Novak and Milton households alternate having it on the actual day and on the Wednesday before." Cas shifted a little, embarrassed by his family yet again. "I know it's weird."

"Weird?" Dean repeated. "That's awesome! You get twice the pie!"

Cas beamed. It never ceased to amaze him how Dean took everything in stride, including his messed up family. It was one of the traits that Cas loved about him.

He blinked. One of the things he _loved_ about him? Where did that come from?

The doorbell rang suddenly, cutting of Cas' thoughts.

"Sammy get the door!" he shouted because Bobby was working.

Dean turned back to his video game and it was clear to Cas that the moment was over. He turned back for his studying but didn't get much farther than that because just then Sam called up to them,

"Uh, Cas? It's for you!"

Dean and Cas gave each other equally confused looks before scrambling downstairs. Dean let out a low whistle when he saw who was standing in the doorway and Cas elbowed him in the gut. It was a very pretty woman, older than Dean and Cas, with dark eyes and straight blonde hair with side swept bangs. Her face lit up when she saw Cas coming down the stairs.

"Castiel!" she exclaimed, stepping around Sam and into the house to hug him.

"Um...who is this?" Dean asked, furrowing his brows.

Cas smiled at Dean. "Dean, this is my sister Rachel. Rachel, this is my best friend Dean Winchester and his brother Sam."

"So this is the infamous Dean!" she said, stepping forward to hug him too, then hugged Sam. The Winchester brothers both looked pleased by the intimate contact.

"Infamous?" Dean asked, raising his eyebrows playfully.

She smiled flirtatiously. "Anna's told me a lot about you."

His eyebrows shot up his forehead, but he glanced worriedly at Cas. As far as he knew, Cas didn't know anything about his and Anna's hook up and he'd like to keep it that way. Rachel winked confidentially at him and Dean heaved a sigh of relief as she turned to Sam.

"The twins have told me about you, too," she said. "Thanks for being such a good friend to them."

Sam shrugged. "I like them."

Rachel turned back to Cas. "Sorry I didn't tell you I was getting in today, I wanted to surprise you. Although I was surprised to see you weren't home. Naomi said you spend pretty much all your time here."

Cas smiled sheepishly.

"But I'm glad you've found such a good friend," she finished, smiling warmly at Dean. "I hate to intrude, but do you think you could find some time to spend with your big sister?"

"Of course!" Cas replied, then glanced at his best friend. "Can Dean come?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way," she answered.

Dean was blushing like a schoolgirl on the inside, but on the outside he was calm and self-assured.

"Alright, but if we're going to show you the town, we're taking my baby," he said, pulling his car keys out of his pocket.

Cas mouthed, "His car," to Rachel and a look of understanding passed across her face.

Dean told Sam to be good, they exchanged their typical Bitch-Jerk banter, and then Dean lead the Novak siblings to the garage. Cas tried getting Rachel to sit in the passenger seat but she refused, so Cas took his regular place next to Dean in the Impala. As usual, they put their arms on the center console so they were touching, and Dean saw Rachel's eyebrows raise and he realized that he'd forgotten about Cas' touch phobia. Cas had grown so comfortable touching Dean and taken great strides in being touched by others that he'd totally forgotten about it.

They drove around the campus and told Rachel about the classes they were each taking and she told them what UCLA was like. Dean took her to the auto shop and introduced her to Bobby, and Bobby was actually very cordial instead of gruff like usual. Then Rachel requested that they go to the cemetery, and Dean of course obliged. He followed Cas' directions until they got to where their mother's grave was, and Dean and Cas waited in the Impala while Rachel talked to her mother's headstone.

"You were right, you know," Dean said.

Cas looked curiously at him. "About what?"

"I do like her."

Dean smiled at Cas and little crinkles formed around his eyes. Cas smiled back, grateful, because he loved his sister dearly and he wanted them to get along.

After the cemetery they went to the Roadhouse for a bite to eat, and to introduce Rachel to Ellen and Jo.

"Hey Jo, have you met Cas' sister?" Dean asked when they walked into the bar.

"No, I don't believe I have," she replied, punching him on the arm when he came close enough before greeting Rachel.

"Have the customers caught up to you yet?" Cas asked.

She tapped the side of the podium where the chart was drawn. Her number of tally marks had increased, but there were still none on the customer side.

"Still a big fat goose egg," she answered.

Dean explained the chart to Rachel and she started laughing and gave Jo a high-five. Jo then led them to their table and informed them that Ellen would be their server. When Ellen walked over they introduced her to Rachel and then Dean started to order.

"So, I guess we'll add a third to our usual order," Dean told her.

Ellen started to write when Cas interjected, "Actually, Rachel is a vegetarian."

Dean's jaw dropped and Ellen smacked him across the back of his head.

"Our veggie burgers are top notch, don't you worry," Ellen said, and Rachel smiled gratefully. "And I suppose you two knuckleheads will have the same as usual? Two cheeseburgers, a plate of fries, two cokes, and a slice of the pie of the day?"

"Yes ma'am," they chimed.

Ellen winked at Rachel. "I've got 'em trained."

Rachel laughed as Ellen walked away. While they waited for their food, Dean and Rachel started telling each other funny stories about things Cas had done. Rachel had a whole arsenal of tales, and Cas spent most of the time blushing and protesting. He was incredibly grateful when their food arrived because less talking could be done if their mouths were full of food.

They were all done with their meals except for Dean, who was eating his slice of cherry pie and pretending not to notice Cas stealing bites, when the day took a turn for the worse.

"Thought I'd find you here."

Cas dropped his fork, Dean narrowed his eyes, and Rachel turned in her seat to see who they were looking at.

It was a tall man in his mid-twenties. He had a soft smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes, which were dark and emotionless. He had dark hair like Cas' except for the fact that it was well kept and slicked back. Dean didn't like the air about him, and he only understood why when Rachel said his name.

"Michael!" she exclaimed, getting out of her seat to hug him.

Michael returned the gesture half-heartedly and went around the table to Cas.

"I...thought you weren't getting in till Thanksgiving," Cas said as he rose to shake his brother's hand.

"I moved some things around," Michael replied, then looked at Dean.

Dean's gaze was hard. He didn't get out of his chair to greet Michael, and Michael's eyes narrowed. The hostility in the air was almost tangible and Rachel was looking worriedly between them.

Cas cleared his throat. "Michael, this is my best friend Dean. Dean, well, I guess you know this is Michael."

"Nice to meet you," Dean said, idly taking a bite of his pie without breaking eye contact with Michael.

"Likewise," Michael replied frigidly, then went back around the table to sit next to Rachel and across from Dean.

Dean and Michael resumed their staring contest, silently battling out who was more dominant. Cas and Rachel exchanged frightened looks. They each had their own way of dealing with conflicts: Cas would duck his head and hide until the fighting was done whereas Rachel would do everything she could to fill silences and act like nothing was wrong.

"Michael, do you want a burger?" she asked, her voice two octaves higher than normal. "Because we could - "

"I'm fine, thank you Rachel," he said, finally pulling his gaze off of Dean. "I actually just came to fetch you and see if I could tear Castiel away from his precious _Dean_ \- " More glaring. " - to spend some time with the family now that all of us are together."

"That sounds lovely, doesn't it?" Rachel asked her younger brother.

He looked torn. "Well I - "

"Cas is fine here with me," Dean said. "Besides, both their cars are at my house."

Michael raised an eyebrow at the nickname but said nothing about it. His eyes narrowed slightly in thought and then he spoke.

"What are you doing Wednesday evening, Dean?"

Cas looked at him with wide eyes that were pleading _No_.

Dean ignored him. "Nothing I can think of."

"Would you like to come over to our house for Thanksgiving dinner? It's the Novak family's turn to have it early this year," Michael said.

"I don't think - " Cas started.

"I'd love to," Dean interrupted.

"Wonderful," Michael said, then stood up. "I'll be waiting at home, Rachel, Castiel." He nodded at Dean. "So nice to meet you."

Dean smiled but there was no mirth. "Likewise."

After Michael left, Dean angrily shoved the rest of his pie away from him. He left some cash on the table and left the bar. The Novak siblings followed mutely and slid into the Impala. Dean and Cas didn't put their arms up on the console at first, but a few minutes into the drive it was clear they felt uncomfortable without the contact, so they simultaneously put their arms up.

"Thanks for a fun evening," Rachel said when she got out of the car. "Castiel, I'll see you at home, right?"

He clearly didn't want to go home but caved at the look in his sister's eyes. "Yes, I'll be there."

She smiled gratefully and then got in her car and left.

Dean and Cas still sat in the Impala. The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable. After several long moments, Dean spoke.

"Your brother's a douchebag."

Cas snorted with laughter and Dean glanced sideways at him.

"Sorry, but it's true," he said with a grin.

The darker haired boy nodded. "Yes, Michael has a tendency to be a bit..." He swallowed. "... _douchey_."

Dean's eyes widened. That was the first remotely bad word he'd ever heard Cas say, and judging from the green expression on Cas' face it was probably the first bad word he'd ever said in his life.

"Dude I'm a bad influence on you," he laughed. "No wonder your family doesn't like me."

Cas frowned, serious again. "My family likes you, it's just my brother and my step-mother who don't. Besides, their approval doesn't matter to me. You are my best friend no matter what."

Dean smiled softly at that, touched by Cas' sincerity.

"Dean, about Wednesday..." Cas started.

"If you don't want me there I won't go," he said. "I'm sorry for kind of getting into it with your brother. There's just something I don't like about him. I can't put my finger on it."

"No, I'd actually feel better if you were there," Cas told him. "But my family...they're - "

"Best friends no matter what, right?" Dean asked.

Cas nodded.

"Crazy family dinners clearly goes under the category of 'no matter what'." He grinned.

Cas smiled gratefully back. "Thank you, Dean."

"Anytime. And if your family becomes a little too much, you know you can come here, right?"

He nodded again. Dean patted him on the back and then they both got out of the car, Cas retreating down the driveway to where his car was parked. Dean gave a wave, closed the garage door, and went inside.

By Monday evening Cas' family became too much.

Dean looked up from his desk when Cas walked into his room and collapsed on his bed. Dean wasn't concerned with Cas just walking into the house - he'd done it all he time since Dean made him keep the key - but Cas had never collapsed before.

"What happened?" he asked.

Cas said something but it was too muffled by the blankets to be understood. Dean got up from behind his desk and sat next to Cas, rolling him over onto his back.

"What was that?"

Cas looked pitifully up at him and something stirred in Dean's gut, something he hadn't felt before. It wasn't a gut-punch and it wasn't the warmth like usual, it was something completely foreign. Because looking down at Cas' sad blue eyes, Dean just wanted to lean down and -

And _what?_

"Luce arrived today," Cas said, putting his hands over his face. "They hadn't even been around each other for two minutes when the arguing started."

Dean didn't have to ask who 'they' were; it was clearly Michael and Lucian. He patted Cas' shin comfortingly.

"Wanna play a video game?" he asked.

Cas removed his hands from his face and smiled at his friend. "I'd like to, but I have a stupid computer science test tomorrow that I really have to study for."

"It's fine, I have to study too," Dean said, getting up off the bed and going over to his desk.

Cas pulled his textbook and notebook out of his backpack and spread them out over Dean's bed. He grumbled to himself as he did so, and Dean watched him carefully.

"You don't like computer science," he said observantly.

"Not even in the slightest," Cas replied as he flipped the pages.

"But you're a computer science _major_."

"This is correct."

"Why?"

Cas stopped flipping the pages. "It's what my step-mother wants me to major in."

Dean frowned. Cas' tone was carefully controlled, which meant he was hiding something.

"Why do you do what she says?" he asked.

"De - "

"No, I'm serious!" he exclaimed, walking over to get in Cas' face. "You're twenty years old, Cas, and you still ask your step-mother for permission to do everything and you don't ever get to make your own choices. And now she's forcing you into some stupid major! Did she choose Michael and Rachel's majors?"

"No she didn't," Cas answered stiffly, standing up. "But - "

"But what?" he asked.

"You don't understand," Cas whispered.

"What's there to understand? It's _your_ life, major in what _you_ want to!"

"I can't!" Cas exclaimed.

"Why not?" Dean challenged.

Cas fumed. "I just - you don't... _I just can't!_ "

Dean took a step back, surprised at the amount of rage Cas was showing. His body was trembling and his pupils were heavily dilated, his breathing was hitched and he looked both terrified and furious. Dean hadn't seen him like this since the day he met him, when he touched him for the first time.

"Just..." Cas' anger melted and he sat on the bed with his head in his hands. "Just drop it. Please Dean."

He sounded so broken that Dean knew he shouldn't press the issue.

"Alright," he said. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

Cas nodded and returned to his studying. Dean went back to his desk. They studied in silence until Bobby called them down for dinner, and even then they didn't talk. Dean felt strange; he and Cas had never had a fight before (excluding the time before they were friends) and he wasn't sure how to handle it. Even though he didn't feel like talking to Cas, he still wanted to be physically close to him. Cas grounded him, and when they weren't touching he felt lost. Cas evidently felt the same when they sat down at the dinner table and because put his knee against Dean's like usual, like nothing happened.

Bobby, Ellen, Jo, and Sam could tell something had happened between the two of them but wisely chose not to ask. Instead, they talked enough to fill both Dean and Cas' silences.

They didn't talk again until they went back up to Dean's room. Cas usually went back home after dinner, but he sat on Dean's bed and didn't move. He looked conflicted over something and Dean waited until he spoke.

"Dean, I don't want to go home," he said quietly, then looked at him with his big blue puppy dog eyes.

"Then don't," he replied simply. "Stay here."

Cas' face broke out into a beautifully thankful expression and Dean felt that strange sensation in his gut again.

"U-Um, we don't have an airbed but I'll just sleep on the couch," Dean said to distract himself.

Cas shook his head. "No way, I'm not kicking you out of your room. I can sleep on the couch."

"You're not gonna - "

"The floor then - "

"No _I'll_ \- "

They stopped and looked at each other with grins. Their fight was over, obviously.

"Wanna just share?" Dean suggested. "My bed's big enough."

Cas nodded and Dean went downstairs to let Bobby know while Cas called Rachel. Then Dean lent Cas a shirt and some boxers and they played video games until midnight. Dean took the side of the bed by the wall and Cas crawled in after him once he turned out the lights.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean whispered.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry...about earlier."

"I'm sorry too."

There was a pause.

"Night Cas."

"Goodnight Dean."

Despite the fact that they fell asleep with their backs to each other, they woke up the next morning tangled together and cuddling. And even though they both played it off as nothing, they both knew it was the best night of sleep they'd ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael looks like the young John Winchester and Lucian looks Lucifer's Nick vessel but younger =)
> 
> ~Ki


	7. The Trouble With Novaks

Cas stayed over Tuesday night, too, still not wanting to go home. He called Rachel to tell her where he was and she was understanding but sad, and he was in a dark mood after calling her, a mood that Dean had to coax him out of with cheeseburgers and video games. Sam and Bobby didn't question Cas staying with them, which Cas was grateful for, and he was even more grateful for the fact that they didn't ask about the temporary living circumstances Cas and Dean had arranged for themselves.

They shared Dean's bed, figuring it was simpler that way, and pretended that it was no big deal they woke up snuggling again Wednesday morning when really Dean was having self-identity issues and wondering why seeing Cas wearing his boxers seemed to turn him on and Cas was trying to decide why he had a sudden affinity for anything that smelled like leather and gasoline. Cas borrowed Dean's clothing, which he was perfectly fine with since he liked the way Dean tried to his obvious reactions whenever he saw Cas wearing his band tees and loose jeans slung low on his hips.

"You don't have to come," Cas said.

"I'm not going to let you walk into that house without some back up," Dean replied as he fixed Cas' bowtie that he'd borrowed from Sam. "Besides, I promised Mikey I'd come."

It was the night of the Novak pre-Thanksgiving dinner and Cas was absolutely terrified. And although he was trying to hide it, Cas could tell that Dean was nervous too. Things were bound to be tense, with Cas not having been home for a couple days, and neither of them entertained any illusions of hope for the night to go well.

Cas blanched at the nickname. " _Please_ , for the love of God, don't call him that to his face."

Dean grinned. "No promises."

Cas stepped back to survey himself in the mirror and Dean took the opportunity to sweep his eyes over his friend. Cas wore a dark blue pinstripe dress shirt (which brought out his eyes, not that Dean cared) tucked into black slacks. He also had on a matching black bowtie and vest. Dean's throat suddenly grew dry as he stared at Cas and realized how good Cas looked, especially his -

 _Dean Winchester don't you dare look at his ass_ , he told himself, forcing his eyes somewhere else.

Dean himself was dressed in a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a dark gold tie, and black slacks. Of course, he was also going to bring his leather jacket. Cas eyed him appreciatively using his peripheral vision and tried not to smile at the fact that Dean had just been checking him out. It was no big deal, friends checked each other out all the time, right?

"Come on," Cas said after failing to control his messy hair.

Dean nodded and walked ahead of Cas as they went downstairs so Dean wouldn't be tempted to check out Cas' ass. When they got to the living room, Sam let out a low whistle, a teasing glint in the teenager's eyes. Dean glared at him.

"Well aren't you two just the prettiest princesses in the kingdom," Bobby grumbled from his armchair.

Dean laughed while Cas blushed and fiddled with his vest.

"We'll be back...well, I don't know," Dean said as he and Cas headed for the garage. "Later if it goes well, earlier if it sucks."

Sam leaned over to Bobby and whispered, "20 bucks he loses his temper and comes home in less than an hour."

"I bet less than half an hour."

"Deal."

Cas shook his head in amusement at the bet being made and closed the garage door behind him. He put his left arm up on the center console and began absentmindedly drumming his fingers on it. He didn't even realize he was doing it until Dean curled his fingers around Cas'. Cas looked sheepishly over at him.

"Sorry," he said.

"Don't be," Dean replied. "Tell me what you're most nervous about."

Cas let out a breath. "Naomi."

"What about Naomi?"

"Everything."

Dean's eyes flicked over to Cas. Cas' tone was dark and bitter and fearful, and it concerned Dean greatly.

"Alright, so I'll protect you from Naomi," he said as he began subconsciously rubbing his thumb comfortingly over Cas' fingers. "What else?"

"Michael and Lucian fighting," Cas answered.

"So what are you going to do if they do fight?"

"When."

"What?"

"It's not _if_ they fight, it's _when_ they fight," Cas clarified. "And normally I don't do anything."

"You don't do anything?" Dean asked. "You just sit there and let them duke it out?"

He nodded. "Generally, yes. Naomi steps in if it gets too vicious, but I think she likes it when they fight."

"She sounds like a bitch."

Dean glanced at Cas and saw that Cas had smiled a little bit.

"Don't worry, Cas, it'll be fine," Dean said. "I won't let them get to you."

Cas' eyebrows pushed together and his eyes got big and grateful. "Thank you, Dean, really."

They didn't talk for the rest of the drive, just relished in this time they had alone together before they had to face Cas' family. Dean didn't let go of Cas' hand until he had to use both his hands to park. Neither of them moved to get out of the car and they both turned to look at each other.

"You sure about this?" Dean asked. "We could go home and tell Rachel you got the flu. You don't have to go through with this."

"It's not flu season, and they're my family," Cas replied quietly. "I'll have to face them sooner or later."

Dean nodded and got out of the car, hurrying quickly around to open the passenger door for Cas like the goddamn gentleman he was. He pulled the squeaky door open and bowed with a ridiculous flourish which made Cas giggle as he stepped out, bowing thankfully back to Dean. They grinned at each other, feeling a little giddy and a little less stressed about what they were about to face.

As they walked up to the front door, Dean had the urge to take Cas' hand again, but he figured that giving Cas' family the impression that he and Cas were gay - which they _weren't_ \- wouldn't be the best way to start the evening. So instead, he stood as close as was respectable to Cas and waited on the doorstep as Cas rang the doorbell.

Thankfully it was Rachel who answered.

"Castiel!" she exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. She didn't release him for several minutes. "Why didn't you just come in? You still live here."

Cas shrugged. "Figured it was respectful, since I haven't been here."

She nodded understandingly and greeted Dean with a hug. Then she invited them inside and closed the door. She took Dean's leather jacket and hung it on the hooks in the entry hall and led them to the living room.

"Castiel!" Hester and Inias chorused when they saw him. They both hugged their brother and politely said hello to Dean.

Michael came over and shook both their hands, squeezing Dean's much harder than necessary.

"Perfect timing, we were just about to start," he said. "Dean, have you met our step-mother?"

"I haven't yet had the pleasure," he replied.

"She's in the kitchen. Follow me."

Dean looked at Cas with a questioning expression that asked, _Where's Lucian?_ Cas shrugged and looked pointedly at the ceiling, replying, _Probably upstairs._

They turned a corner to see a woman with auburn hair pulled into a bun was arranging plates of food on the counter that separated the kitchen and the dining room. She wore a white blouse and gray slacks. She looked up when the boys entered the room and Dean saw that her eyes were silvery blue.

"Naomi, this is Dean Winchester. Dean, meet our step-mother Naomi."

"Pleasure to finally meet you," she greeted warmly as she shook his hand. "Castiel has been talking about you nonstop since you two became friends!"

"Has he now?" Dean said amiably, turning on his charm. He turned to look at Cas, who was blushing and refusing to look at him.

Naomi faced Cas, and as soon as their eyes met he appeared as lost and scared as a ten year old boy. Dean frowned, wondering why the woman elicited such a strong reaction from Castiel. She stepped forward to hug him and he stiffly returned it, clearly going through the motions and putting no effort into it.

"It's so good to see you, Castiel," she told him, but Dean felt there was something weird about the way she spoke to him. "If it weren't for your calls to Rachel I would've thought Dean kidnapped you."

She released him and he strained a smile. Dean saw how uncomfortable and scared Cas was and his protective older brother instincts snapped into action. He stepped halfway between Naomi and Cas and put a hand on the small of Cas' back. Cas relaxed into the touch and looked thankfully up at his best friend. Naomi noticed the intent of the action and her eyes narrowed dangerously at Dean.

The tension was only barely diffused when another person entered into the equation.

"I gather this is Castiel's new boyfriend?"

Dean turned to see that another man had entered the kitchen. He had spiked blonde hair the color of Rachel's, and so from the shared paternity Dean assumed that Mr. Novak was most likely blonde. The man had a pointed chin and a condescending look in his pale blue eyes. Dean instantly understood why the Michael and Lucian didn't like each other: they were exactly alike.

"He's not - " Cas tried feebly.

"Really, Lucian, must we resort to third grade level teasing?" Michael asked darkly.

"I don't know, Michael, you're the expert on immature behavior, being a lawyer and all," Lucian replied, his tone icy.

Dean cleared his throat and the half-brothers looked at him. He stepped over to Lucian with his hand extended.

"Dean Winchester," he said.

Lucian shook his hand heartily. "Lucian Novak."

"Right, well, let's get this dinner started, shall we?" Naomi asked. "Grab your plates off the table then come in here and serve yourselves."

The family was silent as they shuffled along, piling food on their plates. Naomi had put out place cards, denoting who sat where, and Dean had ended up between Cas and Lucian. He tried to inconspicuously scoot his chair as far away from Lucian and as close to Cas as possible. Across from them were Rachel, Inias, and Hester. Naomi and Michael sat at the ends of the table: Naomi by Rachel and Cas, and Michael by Hester and Lucian. Dean thought Cas must be right about Naomi liking it when Lucian and Michael fight since she put them basically right next to each other.

Once they were all seated, the small talk began. Rachel and Michael traded stories from their colleges and the twins talked about high school. Lucian gave short answers to questions he was asked, but otherwise didn't say anything. After a little while, Naomi switched her focus to Dean.

"So, Dean, Castiel tells me you also are a student at UCV. What are you studying?" she asked conversationally.

"I'm undeclared," he replied. "'M only taking classes because my uncle is making me."

"Well I'm sure he's just looking out for you," she said. "And you're also maintaining two jobs I hear?"

"I work part time at the auto shop and Ellen gives me spare shifts at the Roadhouse," he answered.

She nodded. "That must keep you busy. I'm surprised you find time to study _and_ keep Castiel away from us."

There was something acidic in her tone. Dean took a bite of turkey to keep from answering for a bit while he analyzed Naomi's bitterness towards him. Was she really _that_ protective of Cas? Did she not like him spending time with Dean, or did she simply not like it whenever Cas was out of her sights?

He swallowed. "I'm working to raise money for my little brother's college fund. Cas helps me study. He makes the whole college thing bearable, really."

Cas blushed and played with his green beans. Lucian snorted and Michael glared at him.

"Oh, yes, your little brother," Naomi murmured. "Sam, isn't it?" She turned to the twins. "He's the one you two are friends with, correct?"

Hester nodded while Inias said impatiently, "Mom, you met him and Bobby at the open house, remember?"

"Oh, yes, I remember now," she said.

Dean furrowed his eyebrows together. Neither Bobby nor Sam had mentioned meeting Naomi. He made a note to ask them about it later.

"The tall boy with the mop of hair and the gruff hillbilly, right?" She looked at Dean and gave him a fake smile of apology. "I'm sorry, no offence meant."

He almost opened his mouth to snap back an insult, but under the table Cas put his hand on Dean's thigh and squeezed warningly. Instead he smiled back stiffly. "None taken."

"You moved to town at the end of August, right?"

He nodded and swallowed his mouthful of potatoes. "That's right. From South Dakota."

"That's a long ways away," she commented. "What spurred the move?"

"Our dad died."

Cas squeaked, not expecting Dean to be so blunt, and dropped his spoon, sending his stuffing flying. Everyone stared at him with shock.

" _Castiel!_ " Naomi said sharply.

"I - I'm sorry," Cas said, voice quivering, and there it was again: he was acting like a scared ten year old boy rather than a grown twenty year old man. He scooted back his chair and went to clean up his mess.

Dean turned to look at Naomi, who was watching Castiel furiously. Then she morphed her expression into one of casual concern as she met Dean's stare.

"I'm so sorry to hear about that, I didn't realize - "

"'S fine," he said, shrugging. "Speaking of dads, where's your husband? And your other sons?"

"Raphael chose to have Thanksgiving with his girlfriend's family and Uriel stayed with his father," she replied. "As for my husband, he got swamped with work and wasn't able to come, but he will try to make it for Christmas."

"No he won't," Lucian muttered, speaking without being spoken to for the first time since they'd sat down to eat.

Michael's eyes turned hard. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that he's never around," Lucian replied. "We haven't seen the guy in years, Michael, do you _really_ still think he actually cares about us?"

"Maybe he would come around more if he didn't have the devil for a bastard son, _Lucifer_ ," Michael snarled.

"Or maybe he found out you're considering a sex change, _Michelle._ "

"Transgender jokes, now? _Very_ mature, Luci, I commend you."

Rachel looked as scared as a deer caught in the headlights. Castiel slumped in his seat, trying to make himself as small as possible. The twins kept eating as if nothing was wrong. Naomi watched the pair with a sick delight in her eyes.

"Father cares more about this family than _you_ do," Michael snapped.

"Oh, gee, that makes sense since I'm here and he's not." Lucian rolled his eyes.

Rachel tried to step in. "My friend told me this funny story - "

"Haven't you realized, Michael, that if dear old dad was really the family man you believe him to be then _I wouldn't exist?_ " Lucian asked, venom in his voice.

"He made a mistake and he knows it," Michael replied calmly. "That's why he kept you and your _whore mother_ a secret for so long."

Lucian let out a feral growl and rose from his chair. Michael stood too, his stance a fighting challenge. Rachel looked like she was about to cry and the twins were blank faced.

"Guys, can't we just - " Cas started.

"Castiel, _be quiet!_ " Naomi shouted lividly, eyes flashing dangerously.

He shrank back, petrified, and that was the last straw for Dean.

" _Don't yell at him_ _!_ " Dean screamed at Naomi as he exploded out of his chair, shocking even Michael and Lucian into silence. He glared at everybody except Rachel, and the older half-brothers slowly lowered themselves back into their chairs.

"Cas warned me that you guys were fucked up," he said, "and I thought 'Hey, no big deal.' But shit, you guys are the _definition_ of a dysfunctional family. You wanna know what the trouble is with you people? _Do you?!_ "

They were silent, staring down at their plates.

"First off, you two got a list of daddy issues longer than the list of girls I've slept with, and trust me it's long," Dean started, glaring at Michael and Lucian. "You think you're the only one with a bastard half-brother?" he asked Michael. "Think again! I've got one too. Get the fuck over it and quit tearing your family apart. You two've got poor Rachel over here tearing her hair out trying to come up with something she could say to get you guys to stop arguing!"

He looked at Naomi. "And _you_. Well you're the definition of a psychotic bitch. You've clearly brainwashed the twins into thinking this is the way families normally behave, judging by the way they acted like nothing was wrong when Michael and Lucian started ripping each other new ones. And you've got Cas so fucking terrified of you he reverts to acting like a child when you're near!"

Dean shook his head in frustration. "Fucks you people, we're leaving."

He yanked Cas up, causing Cas' chair to fall over, and paused, glaring at them all (except Rachel) again.

"And by the way - _worst_ pre-Thanksgiving dinner _ever!_ " he shouted, dragging Cas with him as he grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out of the house.

He was so focused on angrily pulling on his jacket as they walked to the Impala that it took him a few moments to notice that Cas was crying. He was sniffling and hiccupping, trying to resist crying, but the half-broken sobs escaped him unwillingly as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

Dean took him into his arms and held him tightly against his chest. Cas pressed his face against Dean's neck and curled his fingers into the leather jacket. Dean placed one hand firmly on the back of Cas' head and wrapped his other arm around Cas' waist.

"Cas, I'm sorry," he whispered after a few minutes. "I shouldn't have - "

"No, I - I'm the one who should be sorry," Cas hiccupped. "They're - "

"You don't have to apologize for your family," Dean said. "I'm just sorry you got stuck with them."

That got Cas sobbing again and Dean looked up to see Naomi watching them from the living room window. He glared and used the hand that was on Cas' head to flip her off. She shook her head and closed the curtains. Dean gently pulled away from Cas but still kept his arms around him.

"Cas, I'm sorry, but we should probably go now," he said.

Cas nodded and let Dean guide him to the car and buckle his seatbelt for him.

Dean held Cas' hand the entire drive back to his house - in a completely platonic and friendly way, of course, since their fingers weren't interlaced. Cas eventually stopped crying and as he did so his death grip on Dean's hand loosened. When they got to the house Cas sped up to Dean's room and Dean lingered downstairs.

"What happened?" Sam asked worriedly, sitting up on the couch.

"Shit hit the fan, Sammy," Dean said tiredly, undoing his tie. "I'll tell you about it later."

As he went upstairs he heard Sam and Bobby start to argue.

"Pay up, Bobby. 20 bucks."

"You're shittin' me, boy, it's been over an hour. We both lost."

"No, that's what I bet. Over an hour."

"I may be old, but I still got my wits about me, ya idjit. You bet he'd come home in _less_ than - "

Dean closed the door to his room and saw Cas sitting on the edge of his bed, a blank expression on his face. Dean quickly changed into his sleeping clothes and then went over to Cas. He kneeled in front of him and slowly took off Cas' bowtie, vest, and shirt. Then he made Cas stand and took off his pants for him. A tiny voice in the back of his mind said that undressing his best friend was weird, but Dean ignored the voice and focused on Castiel. Once Cas was standing in his underwear, Dean put him in boxers and his favorite Metallica shirt.

He gently laid Cas down underneath the covers and then got in next to him. For the first time, they didn't fall asleep with their backs to each other. Dean curled himself around Cas' body, wrapping his arms around his best friend's waist and holding him close, tangling their legs together. He put his forehead against the back of Cas' neck and - he'd blame this on being delirious if he was ever asked - tenderly pressed his lips to Cas' shoulder for a brief moment.

And he told himself that he was only doing this for Cas, and not because of some subconscious desire to hold Cas for the rest of time. This was what friends did for each other, he told himself, even though he knew he was lying. He told himself he was only being this intimate to comfort Cas because of how broken he became tonight, because of the mystery behind Cas' relationship with his step-mother.

Then he realized that Cas' whole family was shrouded in mystery, and he thought maybe _that_ was the trouble with Novaks: they were enigmatic black holes, sucking you in until you couldn't turn back even if you wanted to.

That, and most of them were dicks.


	8. Pies and Perfection

"Rise and shi - whoops! Sorry! Didn't mean to interrupt!"

Dean opened his eyes at the sound of Jo's voice and looked up to see her standing in the doorway of his bedroom...watching him and Cas spooning.

" _Jo!_ " he yelped, springing away from Cas and subsequently falling out of the bed, hitting the floor with a loud _thump!_

"You know, I never took you for a cuddler," she said with a mischievous look.

Cas had woken up and was looking at Jo with a terrified expression whereas Dean's was murderous.

"Joanna Beth..." he growled warningly.

"Jo, what's going on up there?" he heard Sam call from downstairs.

She grinned evilly and skipped away from the door. "Oh, nothing, Dean and Cas were just - "

"Jo, _shut the fuck up!_ " Dean shouted murderously.

He heard her cackle with laughter, but didn't hear her say anything else. He looked at Cas, who was still wide eyed, and then they both burst into laughter. Cas got out of the bed and helped Dean to his feet, then hugged him quickly before going into the bathroom to change out of his pajamas. When he came out he still wore Dean' favorite Metallica shirt that he'd worn to bed, which Dean raised his eyebrows at.

"Is...Is this okay?" Cas asked hesitantly, fingers pulling idly at the hem of the shirt.

Dean nodded, throat dry again. He coughed a bit and changed in the bathroom and then they went downstairs together.

"Do I smell pancakes?" Dean asked as they walked into the kitchen. He walked over to the stack on the island and reached out to take one off the pile when Ellen smacked his hand with a spatula.

"Because you two took your sweet time gettin' down here, you two are last," she scolded, then turned back to the griddle.

Dean pouted and dragged Cas with him over to the living room where Sam was reading _Fahrenheit 451_ for his AP English class.

"Dude, is that your Metallica shirt?" Sam asked, eyes growing big in shock as he stared at Cas.

"Yeah, so?" Dean replied as he sat down on the couch.

Sam shook his head. "Nothing, just you hardly let anyone touch it is all."

"Well Cas doesn't have his clothes here and he had to wear something," Dean replied as Cas sat in the space between the brothers, although much closer to Dean than necessary with the ample room available on the couch.

That's when Jo piped up. "I don't know, I don't think any of us would mind it if Cas were shirtless."

Sam blanched. "Speak for yourself, Jo."

"I think I speak for myself _and_ Dean," she replied.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Dean asked angrily, shifting around so he could glare over the back of the couch at her.

Her eyes glinted. "Oh, nothing."

Dean rolled his eyes and Cas took the opportunity to change the subject by asking Sam how he was enjoying Ray Bradbury. Sam admitted he was actually rereading it and that spurred a fantastically nerdy discussion about dystopian literature that Dean was happy to tune out. He was snapped out of his reverie when Ellen announced that breakfast was ready.

After they'd eaten all the pancakes, bacon, and eggs they could manage, Ellen assigned them all various duties to perform throughout the day. Sam was to help Ellen with the cooking, Jo had to keep an eye on the schedule to make sure everything was being made on time, Bobby was in charge of going out to get missing ingredients, and Cas and Dean were on dish duty.

Bobby was hovering over Ellen and kept asking her if she was sure she knew what she was doing and kept repeating that his mother cooked the same dishes differently. It only took two minutes of his nagging for Ellen to get sick of it.

"Bobby Singer, I know you're not trying to tell me how to cook in my own kitchen," she said teasingly, putting her hands on her hips.

"Dammit, woman, it's _my_ kitchen you're in - " he started.

"So long as I'm using it it's my kitchen."

Sam rolled his eyes as he peeled the yams over the sink. "Geez, you two act like an old married couple."

Ellen laughed as Bobby sputtered out half-baked attempts at protests, his face beet red.

"Does that mean we can call you _Aunt_ Ellen now?" Dean asked, his grin crooked.

"Well hell, I don't care what you call me," she said with a shrug, then pointed her spoon warningly at him. "So long as it's respectful."

"Guess that makes you our cousin now," Sam told Jo.

Jo shrugged and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Well _I_ sure don't mind."

They all burst into laughter again while Bobby tried to remember how to for coherent sentences.

The Singer-Winchester-Harvelle-and-lone-Novak Thanksgiving that evening was a much more relaxed affair than the Novak pre-Thanksgiving dinner the night before. Dean wore his nicest pair of dark wash jeans (which only had one, tiny hole in the pocket) and a green plaid dress shirt. Cas wore a pair of light tan slacks and a black button up shirt.

The food was delicious and was declared so multiple times throughout the evening. The conversation was enjoyable and they all laughed a lot as jokes and embarrassing stories were told. Cas felt at ease and thought to himself that if anybody asked him the definition of family, he'd show them the Singer-Winchester-Harvelle clan.

"I've got an idea," Ellen declared when they were all basically done eating. "Let's go around the table and say what we're thankful for."

"Your idea, you go first," Dean said.

"Fine," she replied with a smile. "I'm thankful that Bobby and you boys moved to town, and I'm thankful for my little girl, and I'm thankful that Dean brought Cas out of his shell, because otherwise I wouldn't have known what a nice boy he is."

Dean clapped mockingly and everyone else joined. Cas blushed and smiled at Ellen. After a moment, Jo spoke.

"I'm also thankful that you guys moved here, because I've had more fun with you morons in the past few months than I've had in years," she said with a cheeky grin. "And of course I'm thankful for my mom."

They all clapped again and then looked expectantly at Bobby.

He rolled his eyes stubbornly and grumbled, "Well I suppose I'm thankful that we have a house and I have a job and that my boys are okay, and I'm thankful that Dean finally made a friend and that Sam's got more of a brain than his brother, and I'm thankful to have Jo and Ellen and Cas here with us today."

There was another round of clapping and Bobby shoved a forkful of ham into his face while he pretended not to blush.

"Even though I wasn't happy about it at first, I am really thankful we moved out here," Sam started. "Not only because of Ellen and Jo, but also because of Cas. I'm thankful that Cas stuck with my brother despite the fact that he's a _jerk_ , because Dean really needed a friend like Cas and he's happier now than I've ever seen him, and also because now I have someone to discuss literature with."

Dean and Cas looked at each other and then looked away, blushing. Dean glared lightly at his little brother.

"Bitch," he said lovingly.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Oh, and I'm also thankful we moved to California of all places so I can pay in-state tuition when I go to Stanford in two years."

They clapped appreciatively and Cas took a sip of his apple cider before he spoke.

"I'm thankful for a lot of things this year," Cas began softly, "like the fact that Ellen gave me a job despite my touch phobia, and that Jo's been teaching me how to punch, and that you guys have so graciously taken me in and sheltered me from my psychotic family."

Everybody laughed at that. Earlier that morning Sam pulled Dean aside and forced him to spill about the events of the pre-Thanksgiving dinner, so of course once Sam knew, everybody knew.

"But mostly I'm thankful that Bobby agreed to move to California, because if he didn't, then I wouldn't have Dean Winchester for a best friend."

Dean turned his head to the side and met Cas' eyes and it was like everything disappeared except for them.

"Dean..." Cas let out a little laugh and wrung his hands. "I'm going to screw this up."

Dean shook his head insistently and then nodded for Cas to continue.

"I'm deeply sorrowful for the circumstances which caused you to move, but - forgive me for being selfish - I wouldn't change anything," he said, Dean's steady green gaze giving Cas some confidence. "Thank you for putting up with all my oddities, for standing up to my family, for letting me in, for being there for me when nobody else was, and for remaining my best friend despite everything."

Silence fell and Dean and Cas continued to stare at each other, Cas adoringly and Dean in amazement. Jo tried to inconspicuously blink the tears out of her eyes as Bobby and Ellen exchanged significant looks. When Sam couldn't handle the silence and intense eye contact anymore, he started clapping. Bobby, Ellen, and Jo joined in as Dean and Cas looked away from each other.

Dean let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Well shit, Cas, how am I supposed to follow that up?" he joked.

That earned him several smiles and Cas returned to being bashful. Dean played with his fork and stared at the tabletop as he spoke.

"Ah, well, I'm thankful for Bobby letting us come out here to California, and I'm thankful for Ellen getting us jobs at the shop and letting me work at the Roadhouse, and I'm thankful my little brother has a future ahead of him, and I'm thankful Jo knows how to defend herself so I don't have to do it for her, and I'm thankful for Cas, because for some reason he looked past my rough edges and found something worth befriending, or something like that."

He glanced sideways at Cas as they clapped for him and he saw Cas smiling warmly at him. He looked away and smiled to himself.

"And with that, if you guys help me with the dishes I think it'll be time for pie!" Ellen announced, picking up her plate as she stood.

"Now you're speaking my language, Aunt Ellen!" Dean said enthusiastically.

Bobby started sputtering again, which caused everybody to laugh as they got up from the table. Dean and Cas were excused from washing the dishes since they had dish duty earlier. They retreated to the living room and sat on the couch together.

"Hey, um, thanks," Dean said. "That was really nice of you."

"What you said of me was also very kind," Cas replied. "Thank you as well."

They exchanged small smiles and then Cas wrapped his hand around Dean's wrist.

"There's something I need to do," he said with a sort of urgency to his voice.

Dean eyed him warily. "Well alright then, what is it?"

Cas pulled out his cell phone. "Remember what I promised you?"

He swallowed nervously and nodded. How could he forget Cas promising to help him get over his phobia of talking on the phone?

"I'm going to go upstairs and you're going to call me, okay?" he asked.

He nodded dumbly. Cas squeezed his wrist and then got off the couch, disappearing up the stairs. Dean took a deep breath and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. He opened up his contacts and went to Cas' name. His thumb hovered over the call button as his mind flashed back to the last phone call he'd ever had. His eyes fell closed as he heard it all again: the tires screeching, his dad screaming, the metal crunching -

Dean jumped as his phone buzzed and rang. He looked at the screen:

_Incoming call:  
Cas_

He pressed answer before he could think about it and shakily raised the phone to his ear.

"Sorry," Cas' low voice floated out of the phone. "I thought you were going to chicken out."

"Y-You weren't wrong," Dean said through gritted teeth.

"I'm proud of you for answering."

"Cas, I...I don't - "

Suddenly all Dean could hear was his father's last words playing on repeat in his mind.

_I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean_

"Focus, Dean," Cas told him. "Focus on my voice. Hear me."

Dean put a trembling hand to his forehead. "Cas no more please."

"Nothing bad is going to happen. I'm right upstairs."

_I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean_

"I...nngh..." Dean felt like he was going to pass out. "Cas, I hear..."

_I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean_

"I can't - " he choked out.

"Dean, I'm here. Listen to _me_ , not him."

_I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean...I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry...I'm sorry, Dean...I'm..._

"Is it over?" Cas asked after a few moments.

Dean nodded, but then realized Cas couldn't hear him nod, so he made a tiny noise of affirmation.

"I'm coming back down."

Cas ended the call and Dean let his hand drop from the side of his head, the phone falling to the floor. Cas appeared at the top of the stairs and Dean almost sobbed with relief. He went to Dean and hugged him tightly.

"I'm proud of you," Cas said. "We'll take it step by step."

"Thank you," Dean whispered, steeling himself to calm down.

"Pie's ready!"

That got Dean feeling more like himself. He winked at Cas and pulled his best friend off the couch with him.

When they reached the kitchen Sam tugged on Cas' sleeve and Cas turned to look up at the younger Winchester. Sam mouthed, "Thank you," and squeezed Cas' arm for emphasis. Cas nodded understandingly, and then Dean was there and shoving a plate into his hands.

"Dudes," he said seriously, "pie!"

Ellen made about fifteen different kinds of pie and Cas forced Dean to split the slices with him so he wouldn't overeat. Sam and Jo continually exchanged disgusted looks in order to cope with the sickeningly sweet sight of Cas and Dean feeding bites of pie to each other. Bobby and Ellen were off arguing cutely, so the teenagers were left with no other company than the pair of best friends that were fighting each other with whipped cream.

Cas' phone went off and he glanced down at it, then frowned.

"What is it?" Dean asked.

"It's Anna," he answered. "She wants me to swing by their Thanksgiving."

Cas handed the phone to Dean and Dean glanced over the text messages.

 _Anna Milton  
>>> u coming 4 dinner?  
>>> __i heard about last night, im srry  
>>> rachels here  
>>> michael luce and the twins rnt coming  
<<< I'm sorry Anna, I'm having Thanksgiving with Dean's family.  
>>> bal cdnt make it but gab is here and he says he misses u  
>>> *gabe  
<<< All the more reason to stay away.  
<<< I realize my last text may have come across as terse so here is a winky face: __;)_  
>>> right thx 4 clearing that up lol  
>>> plz come, u can bring dean

Dean gave the phone back to Cas.

"I don't mind swinging by your step-dad's," Dean said. "They're your family, too, and you could see Rachel."

"Are you sure?" Cas asked. "My step-father isn't like Naomi, but he can be...strange. And my step-brother Gabriel can be infuriating."

Dean shrugged. "I'm thinking it can't be worse than yesterday."

"Well...okay. If you want," Cas said eventually.

He squeezed Cas' shoulder and went to tell the others where they were going. The family wished them luck and then Dean and Cas were in the Impala, driving to the Milton house. Dean had been there once before, for Anna's party, so he knew where he was going. It would be interesting to see the place not crawling with drunken teenagers and college students.

"You came!" Anna exclaimed, pulling open the front door when she heard them pull up.

Dean waved and Cas led him up the walk to the front door. Anna hugged them both and then looked Cas up and down.

"Damn, little brother, Dean's clothes look good on you," she said with a wink.

Cas' cheeks lit up bright red and Anna pulled them inside.

"You're just in time for pie," she told them.

"We already - "

"Cas," Dean said warningly, " _never_ turn down pie."

He rolled his eyes. "My mistake."

"Cassy!" an exuberant male voice exclaimed from the living room.

Dean turned and saw a short man with longish brown hair and a mischievous smirk come into the entry hall. He carried with him a large plate that held a mountain of whipped cream and cherries, and Dean could only hope there was some pie underneath all the cream.

"Baby bro, it's been too long!" the man said, giving Castiel a tight hug.

"I-Indeed," Castiel grunted while having all of the air squeezed out of him.

The man laughed and released him, then turned to eye Dean appreciatively.

"Dean, this is my step-brother Gabriel. Gabriel, this is my best friend Dean," Castiel introduced.

"Ah, so _this_ is the brutish friend who bitched out Luce and Michael, put Naomi in her place, and defended Castiel's honor while simultaneously ostracizing him from his family!" Gabriel mused. "I'm a big fan of your work, my friend."

"Bite me, Gabriel," Dean snapped.

Gabriel's eyes twinkled. "Maybe later, big boy."

"Okay, okay, enough," Anna stepped in. "Come meet Alfie and my dad."

Zachariah Milton was a tall bald man who constantly smiled creepily at Dean, who immediately understood what Cas had meant by saying his step-dad could be strange. When he met Alfie, though, Dean could tell why everybody was fond of the kid. The thirteen year old had an infectious sort of innocence about him that made him immediately likeable. Rachel was also in attendance and Dean was glad to see her, especially after last night.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about - " he started when he pulled her aside.

Rachel shook her head. "No, you were right about us, about everything."

"What happened afterwards?"

"Everybody was kind of in shock," she admitted. "Then Naomi sent the twins to their room and Luce and Michael stubbornly ignored each other for a while, then started blaming each other for making you mad. Typical Novak family drama."

He grinned. "Still, I'm sorry."

"I'm not," she said, and her dark eyes studied him for a while. "Castiel needs someone like you in his life to stand up for him like you did last night, so thank you for that."

"Hey, I need someone like Castiel in my life, so it's an even trade," he replied, causing her to chuckle.

Dean and Cas didn't stay long, only long enough to share one slice of pumpkin pie and to endure Gabriel's teasing remarks about how "gay" it was. When they got back home Sam and Jo were watching television in the living room and Bobby and Ellen were drinking wine in the dining room. They retreated upstairs and Cas hovered in the doorway of Dean's room.

"I...I think I should go home," he said slowly.

Dean paused, trying ignore the fact that he felt like he'd just been stabbed in the heart. He also tried to push away the thought that he'd been looking forward to cuddling with Cas again tonight.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Cas nodded.

"Then I'll take you."

He smiled gratefully at his friend and then changed into his own clothes, the outfit he'd worn on Monday. He grabbed his backpack and schoolwork and then followed Dean out of the house. The drive was silent, each of them too busy with their own thoughts to say anything out loud. When Dean pulled over to the curb in front of Cas' house, Cas made no move to get out.

"You don't have to do this," Dean said. "I don't mind having you stay."

"I want to stay," Cas admitted. "But I have to go."

Dean nodded. "I understand."

"No, you don't," Cas said fiercely, shifting in the passenger seat to face Dean.

Dean was surprised by just how serious Cas was. His jaw was set and his expression was somber. The street lamps cast light on Cas' face, making his eyes glow.

"You have no idea how _easy_ it would be for me to tell you to turn around and go back," he continued. "And you have no idea how much that scares me, because I've always been taught to put family ahead of everything, but then you came along and all I want to do is put _you_ ahead of everything, even them - _especially_ them."

"Cas..." Dean said, surprise coloring his voice.

"And I have no idea why it's so hard for me to leave you," he said brokenly. "I feel like if I even put my hand on the door handle it's going to tear me apart inside and I _don't know why_."

Dean felt Cas' heavy breaths wash against his face and he hadn't even realized till then that they'd been slowly getting closer to each other. As Dean switched his gaze between Cas' eyes and lips he felt that peculiar feeling again, the one that made him want to close the gap between them. He realized that he wanted to kiss Cas again, he wanted to feel Cas' lips against his and feel his stubble graze against his chin. And what the hell, they'd done it before, this time surely...

"Dean," Cas whispered with a smoldering gaze.

"Ca...sss," he breathed back, eyes fluttering closed.

They got closer -

Dean's heart started pumping.

_closer -_

Cas felt Dean's hand close over his on the console.

_even closer -_

Their scents mingled as their lips hovered near each other.

_ever so much closer -_

Dean adjusted himself slightly so he could get a better angle and -

_HOOOOOOOOONK!_

They both jumped with fright and sprang away from each other. Dean had accidentally pressed the horn and it completely wrecked the mood. They looked shiftily at each other and laughed nervously.

"I should go," Cas said.

"No, you shouldn't," Dean protested. At Cas' dismayed look he added, "But you have to."

Cas nodded and got out of the car, hesitating before closing the door. Dean rolled the window down.

"Text me!" he called like a needy boyfriend - which he _wasn't_. "Or...you know...call me," he said in a strangled voice.

"Only if you'll answer," Cas replied.

Dean nodded firmly. "I'll try."

"I guess that's all I can ask for," Cas said with a laugh. "I'll be sure to call."

He smiled and waited until Cas got inside until he drove off. It was only because Rachel answered the door that he didn't march up and drag Cas back with him. He knew Cas needed to work out his issues with his family, and he couldn't do that with Dean hovering over him.

The car - his precious baby - felt empty without Cas next to him, and his arm felt cold without Cas' touching his. He glumly told his family that Cas had gone home before trudging upstairs to his room.

 _Think of the good stuff_ , he told himself. _No having to look after Cas, no more having to share clothes, you get your bed to yourself..._

But despite the lies he still wished Cas was laying beside him, looking up at him with those sleepy blue eyes. Most of all he wished that he hadn't hit the horn like the moron he was and that he'd been able to kiss Cas. It would've been the perfect ending to an already perfect day.


	9. Conversations With Your Voicemail

Cas never called.

He didn't even text.

Dean tried not to freak out. He tried _really_ hard. He knew that he should give Cas some space to work out his issues with his family and not be disrespectful to them by texting Dean all the time. Still, it was hard to deal with, and Sam and Bobby quickly learned to stay clear of him and not to ask what was wrong.

He allowed himself to freak out when Cas didn't show up to Math 251 on Monday.

"Have you heard from Cas?" he asked Anna after calc let out and he walked her to her next class like usual (except this time Cas wasn't with them).

"No," she said slowly. "I thought he was staying with you?"

Dean shook his head impatiently. "After Thanksgiving he decided that he should go home, face the family and whatever."

"And you haven't heard from him since?"

"I got zilch," he replied. "Not even a text, and he _promised_ me that he'd call!"

Anna raised her eyebrows in surprise, having picked up on the phone phobia.

"Later, later," he said impatiently.

"Have _you_ texted him?" she asked.

"Well I was giving him space over the weekend - "

"It's not the weekend anymore."

"I know that!" he exclaimed in frustration. "I texted him this morning and he hasn't replied!"

"That's strange," she murmured. "He usually replies immediately."

"I _know_ ," Dean groaned.

She glared at him. "Don't you groan at me, _I'm_ the one trying to help you here!"

He ducked his head and mumbled, "Sorry."

"Alright well I know Michael left on Thursday, and Rachel and Luce left Friday morning," she said. "So if any issues were worked out it would've been a few days ago."

"How do you know that?" he asked.

She gave him a deadpan stare. "Rachel and I are sisters; we tell each other everything."

"Tell me about the girl gossip later," he said dismissively. "Did she say anything about Cas?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, didn't even mention that he came home."

"Have the twins said anything?"

"We don't really talk."

Dean let out a frustrated yell and punched the brick wall of the building they were passing, bloodying his knuckles.

"Dean!" Anna exclaimed sharply, covering his bleeding knuckles with her hand. "I know you're worried about Cas but you need to _calm down_ , okay?"

She waited expectantly and after a few moments he nodded and she released his hand.

"I have to get to class, but please get a handle on yourself, okay?" she asked. "Everything will be fine."

"Alright," he answered. "Go learn or something."

She grinned and kissed his cheek, then entered the building that her class was in. Dean headed to the university café to get a cup of coffee to clear his mind before he had to go to Western Literature. He sent another text to Cas just in case he didn't get the first one.

_ Cas_   
_ <<< hey you never called_   
_ <<< did you work things out? _

He didn't get a response and he tried to believe that everything would be fine, like Anna promised, but the likelihood of that seemed less and less with every passing day.

"Hester and Inias are coming over!" Sam announced on Wednesday.

Dean's heart gave a jolt, remembering the first time the twins came over and it was Cas who had dropped them off.

"Okay!" he called, trying to control the nervous tremor in his voice. He pulled out his phone to see if Cas had texted him back.

_ Cas _   
_ <<< hey you never called_   
_ <<< did you work things out?_   
_ <<< are you ok? _   
_ <<< sammy wants to talk about grapes of wrath_   
_ <<< i think it's a book_   
_ <<< anna's worried_

Still nothing.

He tried not to have a heart attack when the doorbell rang. He leapt off the couch and ran to the door, wrenching it open only to be greeted by the twins and no Cas. He looked over the heads of the twins and saw Naomi sitting in her car in the street, watching him with a disdainful expression. He glared at her and stepped aside for the twins to come in, then slammed the door.

He respectfully waited until Sam and the twins came downstairs for something to eat before he asked.

"So, what's been up with Cas?" he asked casually as he strolled into the kitchen.

Something guilty flashed across Inias' face, but Hester acted as though she hadn't heard anything. Sam glared warningly at Dean.

"Did all the family issues get worked out?" he pressed.

"Dean," Sam said in a low voice.

He ignored him. "I haven't heard from Cas in almost a week, is he okay?"

"Let's go upstairs," Sam announced, retreating from the kitchen. The twins followed nervously.

"You _have_ to tell me something!" Dean shouted, angrily following them. "I've been tearing my hair out here, you can't just fucking ignore me!"

Hester stopped halfway up the stairs and whirled around to glare at him.

"Castiel is recovering from you," she snarled. "So leave him alone."

Dean shook his head. "R-Re _cover_ ing from me?!" he repeated. "What the fuck does that mean?!"

Her eyes narrowed. "My mom says that the very touch of you corrupts. She says that when you first laid a hand on Castiel in the Roadhouse, he was _lost!_ "

"Oh, that's what your mom says, huh?" he sneered. "Well I'm going to have to take that up with her."

"Take a hint and leave our family alone, Dean," she growled, then trotted upstairs to rejoin Sam and her brother.

Dean let out a ferocious growl and punched the wall. This was seriously beginning to bother him. First Cas was gone, then his sister says that he's recovering? From _Dean?!_

He thought about going up to his room, but that would involve walking past Sam's room where they were hanging out and he didn't want Hester to freak out on him again. Everything in his room also just reminded him of Cas, so instead he went into the garage and stretched out in the backseat of the Impala. He closed his eyes, trying to decide how to handle this.

A few minutes later Sam was pounding on the car window. Dean sat up and opened the door.

"What the _fuck_ , Dean?!" Sam exploded.

"Language, Sammy," he scolded with a frown.

Sam shook his head, long hair flopping. "No, seriously, what the fuck is your problem?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Why did you have to harass the twins about Cas?!" he asked furiously. "They just left and I don't think they're ever going to come over again."

"Well good riddance I say," Dean replied. "You'll find better friends, Sammy."

"God, Dean, you ruin everything," Sam snarled.

He frowned. "Hang on - "

"You're so selfish," he continued. "You made us leave South Dakota because you didn't like people blaming you for dad's death, and now your friend is gone so you have to ruin my friendships too."

"Sammy - "

"You know, since you seem to hate Naomi so much, why don't you just _call_ her?" Sam growled. "Maybe she'll get in a car crash too."

Dean's whole body went cold and his heart spasmed. His eyes widened and he shook his head frantically.

"Don't say that," he whispered painfully.

Sam scoffed and shook his head disdainfully. Then he turned and stormed out of the garage. Dean collapsed backwards on the Impala's backseat and put his hands over his eyes, trying to shut out the sound of his father's last words echoing in his mind again - except this time it was Cas' voice.

_I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean, I'm sorry, Dean_

Two more weeks passed and Dean was a frazzled mess.

He messed up all the time at work, both at the auto shop and the Roadhouse. Ellen tried to get him to take a break, but Dean kept saying that he needed to raise money for Sam and wouldn't take no for an answer. He barely paid attention in class and he began to shut everyone out, even Anna, who Cas wouldn't reply to either. Sam still wouldn't talk to him, and it seemed that Hester and Inias really were done being friends with Sam. They hadn't come over since Dean confronted them, and usually they came over once or twice a week.

Dean checked his phone every five minutes to see if Cas finally responded to all of his texts. Every now and then he would send another message, still hoping Cas would eventually text back, but he had no such luck.

_ Cas _   
_ <<< hey you never called_   
_ <<< did you work things out?_   
_ <<< are you ok?_   
_ <<< sammy wants to talk about grapes of wrath_   
_ <<< i think it's a book_   
_ <<< anna's worried_   
_ <<< hester said you're recovering from me? _   
_ <<< what does that mean?_   
_ <<< sam won't talk to me_   
_ <<< he's super pissed at me_   
_ <<< please text me_   
_ <<< you could even call me_   
_ <<< i'll answer i swear_   
_ <<< please cas_   
_ <<< what's going on?_   
_ <<< are you in trouble?_   
_ <<< is it naomi?_   
_ <<< come on man_   
_ <<< enough of this_   
_ <<< are you mad at me?_   
_ <<< i thought we were best friends_   
_ <<< best friends don't ignore each other_   
_ <<< tell me how to make this better_   
_ <<< i don't know what to do_   
_ <<< what did i do wrong?_   
_ <<< i'm sorry for whatever i did_   
_ <<< how do i fix this?_   
_ <<< sammy's still won't talk to me_   
_ <<< i'm pushing everyone away and i can't stop_   
_ <<< everything's bad when you're not around_   
_ <<< i can't do this without you_   
_ <<< cas?_

He shoved his phone into his pocket and got into his car. He didn't let Sam or Bobby know where he was going; they were used to him storming out of the house by now.

Dean floored the gas pedal, not caring if he got pulled over or not. It was only when the thought occurred to him that he'd have to pay for the speeding ticket with the money he was saving for Sam did he grudgingly slow back down to the speed limit. When he reached his destination he pulled over, took a breath to calm himself down, and then got out of the car.

He was staring at the Novak house.

He took another breath and stormed up the walkway to the front door and pounded on it.

Naomi answered and she didn't look remotely surprised to see Dean standing before her; on the contrary, she looked like she'd been expecting him for some time now.

"Dean," she said graciously, "what can I do for you?"

"You can tell me what you've done to Cas," he growled.

She frowned, looking confused. "Done to him? What on earth could I have done to him?"

"Don't play dumb with me!" he shouted. "I haven't heard from him in three weeks and the last time I saw him he was walking into this house now _tell me what you've done to him!_ "

Naomi simply blinked in the face of Dean's rage.

"Hester said that he's recovering from me," he said after a moment. "What the fuck does _that_ mean?"

"It means he's recovering from all that you've done to him in the months of your so-called friendship," she replied in an even tone.

"I haven't done anything to him!" he exclaimed.

"Oh yes you have!" she countered. "You made him turn his back on his family, made him think that someone who's known him for two months was better for him than the people who've known him his whole life."

Dean shook his head. "Cas has always been sickeningly loyal to his family. It's you people who turned your backs on him."

"I suppose you would see it that way," she said pityingly. "However, despite your wayward ways, I must thank you for bringing Castiel back to us. He's realized his mistakes and is currently spending some time overseas."

"Why is he overseas?!" Dean exclaimed, blood pumping in his ears.

"He's doing work for his father's company," she relied. "It's sort of like he's...repenting for his sins, so to speak."

"Are you saying he _sinned_ by being friends with me?" he asked, voice low.

She blinked again and her expression looked amused. "You said it, not me."

He shook his head agitatedly. "You're lying. I...I bet you've got him locked up in there or something like the psycho you are!"

Dean stepped forward and tried forcing his way past her, but she blocked him and said fiercely,

"I suggest you take several steps back or I'll call the police and have you arrested for forced entry."

He resignedly stepped away from the doorway. "You did something to him. Otherwise he would've texted me or - or - or _something!_ "

"He's recovering from you," she repeated. "A recovering heroin addict wouldn't get very far if he kept texting his dealer, now would he?"

Dean tried to ignore the fact that she compared him to a drug dealer and Cas to an addict.

"You lying bitch," he snarled. "Cas wouldn't...he wouldn't do this to me unless _you_ did something to him!"

She peered curiously at him as though realizing something. "You're hoping Castiel will return to you."

He looked away, not meeting her piercing gaze.

"I admire your loyalty," she said comfortingly. "I only wish he felt the same way."

Dean glared at her. "Screw you."

She laughed, which irked him even further as he started backing away from the door.

"I swear to you, I _swear_ ," he said slowly, "I'm going to rescue Cas from you people, even if it's the last thing I do."

"Oh, Dean, always so chivalrous," she said with a cruel laugh as she shut the door.

Dean stormed away from the house and got in his car and sped back to his house without looking in the rearview mirror once.

Bobby was waiting for him in the living room when he came into the house and slammed the front door.

"Dean, uh, I've been meaning to talk to you," he said. "I kept waiting for it to get better, but it hasn't, and uh...how are you?"

"Really?" he asked. "You want to do this?"

Bobby shrugged. "Humor me."

"I'm fine, Bobby, really," he said, heading to the stairs.

"Course, yeah," Bobby said sarcastically. "You just lost one of the best friends you ever had, but yeah, yeah, I get it. You're _fine_." He rolled his eyes.

Dean stopped to stare at him. "That's right."

"Course, if at any time you want to decide that's utter horse crap, well I'll be where I always am," he said as he moved to sit in his armchair. "Right here."

"So do you wanna sign up for couples' yoga, or...?" Dean asked snidely.

"Shut up, idjit."

Dean shook his head in agitation and went up to his room. Sam tried to catch him on the way. He'd been feeling awful about what he'd said to Dean in the garage two weeks ago, but he just didn't know how to go about apologizing. He'd never hurt Dean like that before.

"Dean, can I - "

"Not now, Sammy," he growled.

"No, I just want to say that - "

"I mean it!" he snapped. "I know what you're trying to say and it's _fine,_ you're _forgiven_ , but when I say not now I mean _NOT NOW!_ "

Sam's face crumpled and he slammed his bedroom door. Dean cursed at himself and ignored the tears smarting in his eyes as he threw himself on his bed and buried his face in his favorite Metallica shirt. The shirt had long since lost its scent of Cas, but it still made him feel better.

He rolled onto his back and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He went to Cas' contact information and almost hit the button to send him another text, but instead he hit the call button. He draped his free arm over his eyes and put the phone to his ear. His heart pounded like a jack hammer in his chest.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Pick up, Cas..." he whispered. "Please pick up."

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Come on, buddy."

_Ring. Ri - You've reached Castiel._

Dean's heart spasmed at the sound of Cas' voice.

_I am not currently available but leave a voicemail and I will try to get back to you._

"Hey, it's me," he greeted in a strangled voice after the beep. "Cas, you got your ears on? Listen, you know I'm not one for calling, cause in my book it's...it's the same as begging for something bad to happen, but uh..."

His voice cracked.

"I miss you."


	10. Ghosts We Used to Know

Dean woke up on the first Monday of winter term and the first thing he did was check his phone, like he's done every morning ever since Cas disappeared. No missed calls and no new texts. He rolled out of bed and got ready for the day.

"New term starts today?" Bobby asked when he went downstairs for some breakfast.

He grunted and pulled grabbed a bagel from the cupboard. He reached up and ruffled Sam's hair as he went to the garage, then got into his car and drove off.

"You actually got a grunt out of him," Sam said in amazement once he heard the garage door close.

Bobby nodded. "And he messed up your hair. Must be feelin' good 'bout something today."

"I think he's hoping Cas will be back," Sam replied sadly. "New term and everything."

"Well, let's hope so."

They were right: Dean _was_ hoping to see Cas at school. Dean knew that Cas' family wanted him to major in computer science, so that meant that he had to keep taking classes. He just hoped that Cas didn't transfer to another college.

What Sam and Bobby didn't know was just how much Cas' disappearance was affecting him. They didn't know that Dean called Cas' cell every single night and still hoped he'd answer. They didn't know that Dean tore himself apart every night before he went to sleep, spilling his heart out to Cas' voicemail.

_"...God, Cas, you know how hard this is for me. The least you could do is answer..."_

_"...Ellen said you emailed her your resignation, why'd you do that? I wish you'd email me..."_

_"...I still don't know where you are, but please come back..."_

_"...Listen, being friends with me isn't a sin, I don't care what Naomi says..."_

_"...Maybe if you told me what country you're in I could call when you're awake and you could answer..."_

_"...I passed all of my exams, I have no idea how..."_

_"...It's been over a month, Cas, come on..."_

_"...I guess we're having a Green Christmas this year, not much snow in Southern California, huh?..."_

_"...We're all really worried about you..."_

_"...Got you a Christmas present, nothing really special, but I think you'll like it..."_

_"...I don't know what to say to make you call me back..."_

_"...I'm starting to think something's really wrong..."_

_"...Merry Christmas, Cas..."_

_"...Everything feels wrong without you, you know..."_

_"...Hester told me that Naomi says the very touch of me corrupts. Maybe she's right. Sammy thinks I ruin everything too..."_

_"...You're a fucking douchebag you know that? You ruined my life..."_

_"...I feel like I should hate you but I just can't..."_

_"...Winter term starts soon..."_

_"...You know you can't just come into somebody's life and then leave..."_

_"...Happy New Year..."_

_"...I can't do this anymore, I can't keep calling and hoping you'll answer. This is the last time..."_

_"...Guess I lied. You must be getting these if not listening to them, cause your voicemail never fills up..."_

_"...Classes start tomorrow. Hope to see you there..."_

Dean walked into his first class: Math 252. He'd signed up for the MWF class hoping that Cas would sign up for it too since it was almost in the same time slot as their 251 class had been.

No such luck.

Cas was nowhere to be seen and he used to always showed up to class fifteen minutes early; class was about to start, so it was apparent he wasn't in the class. Neither was Anna, but Dean spotted Charlie in the front row so he sat next to the familiar face even though he'd been shutting her out since Cas left. She, however, didn't seem to hold a grudge, which he was thankful for. She chatted eagerly to him until the teacher walked in about the collectible set of hardcover Harry Potter books she'd gotten for Christmas.

After class Dean sullenly went to the student center to get some coffee; it was the next best thing to alcohol since he couldn't legally drink till his birthday at the end of the month and everyone on campus knew he was still only 20. The coffee people saw him coming and had his order up by the time he reached the stand. He paid and turned, taking a sip, relishing in the burning sensation down his throat, when he saw something that made him drop his coffee.

Several people cried out as the hot coffee splattered on them, but he didn't care. He blinked several times and rubbed his eyes, but he wasn't imagining things.

It was Cas.

Dean strode quickly over to him, eyes burning and throat constricted. His heart hammered in his chest.

"C-Cas?" he said when he got close enough that his friend could hear him.

And hear him Cas did. He stopped where he was and turned to look at Dean with a cold stare. Dean didn't even flinch, he was just so glad to see Cas' blue eyes again.

"Hello, Dean," Cas greeted quietly.

The breath flew out of Dean's lungs at the sound of Cas' voice - his real voice, not a recording. He let out a desperate chuckle and made a move to grab Cas' shoulder, desperate for some contact, but Cas deftly dodged him and Dean's hand fell back to his side.

"Cas, what's wrong?" he asked. "Where've you been? Naomi said you were - "

"Overseas," Cas finished. "Yes, I was working."

"Why didn't you text me? O-Or call me?"

"I was not permitted to."

Dean frowned. "Not...not per _mitted_ to?" he repeated. "Why, because you were recovering from me?"

"That's right."

He shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. It's bullshit."

"My step-mother felt I was getting too close to people outside of my family," Cas said, then glanced unsurely at Dean. "You."

" _Me?_ "

"I was sent overseas to get my priorities straightened out."

"And you couldn't call me?" he asked.

"I could not."

Dean shook his head. "I _called_ you, Cas. _Every_ night!"

"I know."

"You _know_ , and you didn't - " He broke off, grinding his teeth together in frustration. "The hell's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me, Dean," Cas replied tersely. "I've been feeling more myself lately than I have since you came to town."

"No, this isn't...this isn't you, Cas," he said, stepping forward.

Cas stepped back. "Castiel."

Dean felt like he had to scrub his ears out, he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"What, I can't call you Cas now?" he asked, swallowing hard.

"Nicknames are an affectionate sign of friendship, Dean, and we are not friends."

He felt like he'd been punched in the gut, but this time not because of Cas' eyes but because of his words. He...He had to be dreaming. This couldn't be real. The Cas he knew - the Cas he _trusted_ \- wouldn't do this.

"You don't mean that," he whispered, shaking his head.

Cas opened his mouth but didn't get to say that he did mean it, because at that moment a girl with a curvy figure and long brown hair came skipping up and wrapped her arms around Cas' waist.

"Hey baby," she greeted. "Missed you."

"Meg," Dean growled.

She glanced at him. "Dean," she said dismissively. "Have you been harassing my boyfriend?"

" _Boyfriend?_ " he repeated in disbelief, looking at Cas for confirmation.

"Meg and I are currently participating in an active romantic relationship," he replied stiffly.

She giggled obnoxiously and kissed his cheek. "Isn't he cute when he speaks all technical?"

"A _dor_ able," Dean snarled.

"Come on, baby, we have to get to class," Meg said, pulling Cas along with her and away from Dean.

Dean caught Cas' wrist, effectively stopping him. Cas paused a second and then pulled his wrist away.

"Please refrain from touching me," he said quietly, not looking at Dean.

Ignoring the stabbing sensation in his heart, Dean asked, "Did you listen to them? My...my voicemails."

One long, painful moment. Then -

"Yes."

Dean pursed his lips and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. Cas didn't still look at him. He opened his mouth as if to say "I'm sorry," but Meg pulled him away before he got the chance. Once they were out of the building, Dean grabbed his bag and violently threw it to the ground with a ferocious yell. The people nearest to him scattered and everyone else just stared as he collapsed to his knees, head hung low and fists in his hair.

He heard heels approaching him and he figured a professor or staff member was going to come over and yell at him. Small hands gripped his arms.

"Come on, Dean, let's get you out of here."

He looked up to see Anna removing his hands from his hair and then gathering his things back up. She took his hands again and pulled him up and out of the student center. They found the nearest bench and sat down together.

"Anna...Cas..." he whispered brokenly, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"I know, I saw," she murmured, wrapping one arm around him and putting her other hand on his cheek. "It's okay, Dean, it's okay."

"It's pretty fuckin' far from okay," he said.

She stroked his cheek. "It'll _be_ okay."

"It won't."

Anna pulled away from him, putting her hands on his cheeks and forcing him to look her in the eye.

"Listen," she said fiercely, "I know - "

But he didn't get to hear what she knew, because at that moment he surged forward and captured her mouth with his. He moved quickly, putting a firm hand on the back of her neck and sliding his other hand sensually up her jean clad thigh. She went rigid with shock for a few moments, then shoved him away from her.

" _Don't you fucking dare_ ," she snarled, getting up off the bench. "I am your _friend_ , and I am trying to _help_ you, but I re _fuse_ to be your fucking _rebound!_ "

Guilt formed like a rock in the pit of his stomach. "Anna, I - "

"Save it!" she shouted, turning her back on him and storming down the sidewalk.

Dean slammed his fist down on the bench before he got up and went to the parking lot. He got in his car and drove quickly to the bar nearest the campus. He flashed the bartender his fake I.D. and got started on the whiskey.

"Wanna talk?" the bartender asked, noting his furious expression.

"Fuck off," he growled.

The bartender put his hands up and went to go pour another tequila for the woman at the other end of the bar.

The hours bled by. Dean only knew it was nighttime because of the windows. He kept ordering whiskey and kept getting angrier with himself.

"Alright buddy, I'm cutting you off," the bartender said when Dean asked for another whiskey.

Dean gave him the finger and slid not-so-gracefully off his barstool. He stumbled slightly and ran into a woman.

"Dean Winchester," the woman said. "Fancy seeing you here."

He rolled his eyes at the tell-tale British accent and met the woman's gaze.

"Bela," he greeted Meg's best friend.

"I have a proposition for you," she said bluntly.

"Well I am in a state to be propositioned," he answered with a crooked smile. "Shoot."

She smirked. "I'm horny and you're angry and I've been harboring a fantasy of having angry sex with you in the backseat of your car. Interested?"

"Hell yeah," he rumbled, then grabbed her waist and kissed her hard.

They stumbled out of the bar together and got into the Impala to drive somewhere a little more private. Dean could hardly drive straight between his drunkenness and Bela rubbing his erection through his pants, but he quickly found a back road on the edge of town and parked.

An hour later Bela was plucking her lacy bra off of the rearview mirror and putting it back on. She pulled her shirt and shorts on and dropped her panties on his chest.

"A souvenir," she said with a wink, then got out of the car.

"Where - " he started. They were on the edge of town, where did she think she was going?

But he stopped when he saw headlights coming down the dirt road.

"When did you - "

She leaned in and kissed him quickly.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a lick of her lips as she closed the door and got into the car that was waiting for her.

Dean shook his head and pulled his boxers on before laying back down on the backseat. He put his hands over his face. The sex only distracted him for an hour and everything came crashing back and he felt even worse now than he did before.

His phone went off suddenly and he had to pull his jeans from the passenger seat to get to it. He saw that he actually had three texts.

_ Bobby _   
_ >>> where the hell are ya?_   
_ >>> get home asap_   
_ >>> i mean it kid_

Dean cringed. The first message had been sent three hours ago and the second one an hour and a half ago. He quickly sent a reply.

_< << what's wrong? is sammy ok?_

He pulled his jeans on and found his shirt near the gas pedals. He got out of the backseat and went around to get into the driver's seat when his phone went off with Bobby's response.

_> >> sams fine just come home_

Dean shook his head.

_< << bobby tell me what's wrong_

He got into the car and stared at his phone, waiting for the response. After five minutes, it finally came.

_> >> lisas in town. shes lookin for ya_

As if his night couldn't get any worse.


	11. The Spiral Downward

The first thing Lisa Braeden thought when she arrived in Clara Vista, California, was that the city was rather unremarkable. It looked just like any other city.

Bobby and Sam wore twin, utterly shell-shocked expressions when they saw her standing on their doorstep. She felt bad for not warning them, but honestly she hadn't even been sure she _would_ come. She'd been going back and forth on the issue for a while now.

"Dean's not here," Bobby said after she asked.

"He should be in class, though," Sam piped up.

Bobby glared up at Sam.

"I don't want to cause any trouble," Lisa said slowly, feeling like she really shouldn't have come. "I just wanted to see him. The way we left things wasn't...wasn't preferable."

"No, I get it, it's just..." Bobby sighed and Lisa could see how troubled he was. "The kid's been going through a rough time. I won't tell ya, it's his business, you can ask him yourself, just be warned."

"Thanks, Bobby," she said gratefully. "I'll swing by the college and see if I can find him, otherwise I'll just come around again tomorrow."

"I'd offer to put you up tonight, but - "

Lisa shook her head. "No, please, I already checked in to a motel. Thank you, Bobby. It's good seeing you, Sam."

She waved goodbye and went back to her car. They watched her until she drove off and the closed the front door.

"Good or bad that she's here?" Sam asked.

Bobby shook his head. "Guess we'll have to find out."

SPNSPNSPN

_The town is plain but campus is nice,_ Lisa thought to herself as she drove along the main road that ran through UCV.

She found the student center and parked by it. She went inside and asked the coffee people if they'd seen Dean Winchester around.

"Yeah, he's the one who caused _that_ ," one of them said darkly, nodding toward the janitor who was mopping up a spill.

"Why'd he drop his coffee?" she asked.

The guy shrugged and the girl answered, "He dropped it when he saw some guy. Went over and talked - looked pretty serious - then a girl came over and she and the guy left. Dean freaked out after they left; he threw his bag and started yelling. He scared everyone."

Lisa frowned. "Do you know where he went?"

"Anna Milton took him outside," the guy answered. "Don't know beyond that."

"Do you know where I can find Anna?" she asked.

They shrugged.

"No idea," the guy answered.

"Thanks," Lisa said, then turned around and left the student center. A girl with long brown hair and a curvy body followed her out of the building.

"Hi, you said you were looking for Dean?" she asked, a slight drawl in her voice.

"Yeah, and you are?"

"Meg." They shook hands. "He left campus a couple hours ago. Why're you looking for him?"

"I, uh...I need to talk to him about something," Lisa said evasively, and then tried walking away.

Meg kept with her. "About what? I'm Dean's best friend, we talk about everything."

Lisa stopped short. "So you know about his dad?"

"Of course I do!" she said, rolling her eyes.

"Wow, that's...He must trust you a lot," Lisa said, looking Meg up and down as she reevaluated her.

Meg grinned. "Thicker than two peas in a pod."

"Yeah, well, after what happened to his dad he became pretty messed up. We left things badly and I wanted to apologize to him," she said. "Do you know where I can find him?"

"Nope!" Meg said, then turned on her heel and skipped off.

Lisa was left feeling slightly as though she'd been deceived.

SPNSPNSPN

Meg went straight back to her dorm room feeling as though she'd just won the lottery. Something (she hoped it was shady) happened to Dean's dad and that was the reason they moved? _Perfect_ fodder for the rumor mill.

She opened her laptop and searched "Winchester South Dakota," but all she got were some real estate addresses on Winchester Drive in a town called Pierre and a gun shop called Winchester Repeating Arms. She tried again with "Dean Winchester South Dakota accident." She clicked on the first webpage that popped up, a web article from a newspaper in a town called Sioux Falls, and began to read.

_Tragedy struck last night with a late night accident on I-90 outside of Sioux Falls. John Winchester, father of Dean and Sam Winchester, was driving home to Sioux Falls when he hit a semi because he was in the wrong lane. The truck driver was mildly injured but the crash was fatal for Winchester._

_When police arrived at the scene of the crime it became evident that Winchester was on the phone with his eldest son Dean prior to the crash. The cell phone was lying on the floor of the car and Dean was still on the phone, shouting for his father._

_"He was late and I was trying to find out where he was," Dean told reporters._

_Already motherless from a terrible in their early years, Dean and Sam Winchester have been living with their legal guardian Robert Singer - owner of Singer Salvage in Sioux Falls - for several years now, and their father would visit when he could. Winchester was most likely distracted by the phone call from his son and police have reason to believe that Winchester was driving under the influence which an autopsy will determine._

_The truck driver_ -

Meg didn't care about the stupid driver. She scanned the article for more about Dean and his father, but there was no more. She glanced at the date of the article: June 26. That was a few months before they moved to Clara Vista. She went down to the comments.

_John had it coming_

_lol who drives drunnk AND talks on the phone?_

_The Winchesters are all just bad news_

_Like father like son hopefully? haha_

_I heard that on the phone Dean told his father to die..._

_whoever thought it was a good idea to let bobby raise the boys is a moron_

_Jon was a bad dad i herd_

Meg shook her head. They were evidently not popular around Sioux Falls. She scanned back up to the one comment that caught her eye: _I heard that on the phone Dean told his father to die..._

Now _that_ was perfect fodder for the rumor mill.

Her phone went off and she glanced at it.

 _Bela T_ _  
>>> __pick me up, colt rd_  
<<< On my way

She grabbed her keys and headed to the edge of town, where she was surprised to see Bela getting out of Dean Winchester's precious Chevy Impala.

"Did you just hook up with who I _think_ you hooked up with?" Meg asked as Bela got into the passenger seat.

"Easy as taking candy from a baby," Bela replied.

Meg laughed. "Wait till you hear what I found out."

SPNSPNSPN

Dean was in a worse mood Tuesday morning than he had been Monday night, which was saying something. They always say that you'll feel better in the morning, but Dean would be the first to tell you that "they" are wrong.

He was on edge as he walked across campus to his chemistry class. He didn't want to see Cas, but at the same time he _wanted_ to see Cas, and meanwhile he kept expecting Lisa to pop up out of nowhere and scare the shit out of him. He was so preoccupied with worrying about the two of them that at first he didn't notice everyone pointing and staring at him, whispering among themselves.

Anna came running up to him, breathless.

"Anna, I'm sorry about - " he started.

"Not now," she said, shaking her head. "Is it true?"

He stared at her. "Is _what_ true?"

"What they're saying about your dad."

His insides went cold and he felt like he was about to fall over. Anna must've sensed this, because she grabbed his arm to steady him

"What are they saying about my dad, Anna?" he asked, his voice blank and emotionless.

She swallowed. "They're saying that he crashed his car on purpose because you told him to die."

He shook his head slowly, his mind spinning. He took a couple dizzy steps away from her.

"Not again," he mumbled. "This can't be happening again."

"What again? What's happening?" she asked. "Dean, tell me if it's true or not!"

"I have to get out of here," he said, turning and stumbling back to his car. Anna didn't come after him, for which he was grateful. He got in his car, slammed the door shut, and drove straight home.

SPNSPNSPN

"Did you hear?"

Cas turned to find Meg sitting beside him on the couch he was lounging on in the student center. He wasn't surprised she'd found him so quickly. Ever since he asked her out two weeks ago she never let him out of her sights if she could help it.

"Hear what?" he asked, his tone clear that he didn't really care whatever the rumor mill was spitting out this time.

"About Dean and his dad."

Cas froze. She'd never before mentioned Dean around him, knew it wasn't a good idea. From the amusement on her face she knew the full extent of his feelings and was doing this to hurt him. And how did she know about his dad?

"What about Dean and his dad?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm and controlled.

"Dean's dad died in a car crash, but that's not all," she said conspiratorially. "Some people believe he crashed his car on _purpose_ , because Dean told him to die."

Cas shook his head. "That's not true."

"Of course it is," she said, affronted. "I do my research."

"Dean wouldn't tell his father to die," Cas replied. "He loved his dad, despite their frequent disagreements."

"Oh please." She rolled her eyes.

Cas sat up suddenly. "How many people have you told this to?"

"Why?" she asked, eyes narrowed.

He grabbed her wrists so hard she gasped. He growled, "Meg, tell me how far you've spread this rumor."

"E-Everyone," she gasped.

He pushed her away from him and quickly began stowing his things in his backpack.

"Where are you going?" she asked, a tremor of annoyance running through her voice.

"I'm going to find Dean and make sure he's okay," he answered.

"Y-You can't!" she exclaimed. "You're not allowed to see him! I'll...I'll tell Naomi!"

"Go ahead," he retorted, shouldering his backpack. "Tell my step-mother whatever you want. I don't care anymore."

He started walking.

"Castiel!"

He kept walking.

"Castiel, don't you walk away from me!" she shouted. " _I_ am your _girlfriend!_ "

He stopped and turned to stare at her with a cruel, nasty smile. "Not anymore."

Her jaw dropped. "Are you...Are you _breaking up with me?!_ " she screeched, gathering the attention of everyone in the vicinity.

But he kept walking, mind fixed on one thing: Dean.

SPNSPNSPN

Dean burst into the house, panting. "Sammy...Sammy, the rumor - it's back, the rumor..."

He stopped short as he came into the living room to see Lisa sitting on the couch with Sam, Bobby in his armchair.

"You," he breathed, mind reeling. " _You_. _You're_ the reason - _You_ spread the - "

"Dean, wait, I didn't - " Lisa started, getting up to walk over to him.

He shook his head in disbelief. "I can't...I can't..." He fled out the door and they heard the Impala peel out of the driveway.

The stunned silence didn't last long because a few minutes later Cas burst into the house.

" _Cas?!_ " Sam and Bobby chorused in shock.

"Where's Dean?" he asked, looking panicked. "There's a rumor going around - "

"That Dean told our dad to die and that's why he got into a crash?" Sam finished. "Yeah, that's what people were saying in Sioux Falls. Dean couldn't take it anymore, people calling him a murderer, so we left."

"It's not true, is it?" Cas asked.

Sam looked shocked. "Of course not! How could you - "

"Just making sure."

"I didn't start the rumor," Lisa said, looking worriedly at all three of them. "I swear I didn't."

"Then who did?" Bobby asked.

"Meg," Cas answered.

Lisa looked confused. "Dean's _best friend_ started the rumor?"

"Meg's not his best friend, _I'm_ his best friend," Cas said hotly, feeling possessive suddenly.

"Well you haven't been acting much like a best friend recently," Sam said, folding his arms across his chest.

Cas looked apologetically at him. "Sam, I'm sorry, but now is not the time. _Where. Is. Dean?_ " he asked again.

"Tore out of here just before you showed up," Bobby said. "No idea where he was headin'."

"He's running away," Cas told him as he fished in his pocket for his cell phone.

"How do you - " Lisa started.

"I _just_ _know_ , okay?" he thundered, shutting her up instantly.

Sam looked confused as Cas found Dean in his contacts. "He's not going to answer if you call."

"He'll answer if it's me," Cas said simply, then hit the call button and raised the phone to his ear.

Everybody practically held their breaths, the air filled with anxious worry.

_Ring. Ring. Ring. Ri -_

"Hey there, Cas," Dean greeted, and Cas could hear the strain in his voice. "I always knew you'd call back eventually."

"Dean, where are you?" he said urgently.

"I-805. I'm a-gonna go to Mexico," Dean replied with a manic chuckle.

"Dean, this isn't funny," Cas snapped, then pulled his phone away from his ear briefly as the phone started talking to him. "The voice says I'm almost out of minutes!"

"Why don't you get step-mommy to buy you some more?"

"Please, Dean, just come back and we can talk about this," Cas pleaded.

"No can do, Castiel," Dean said. "There's no going back from here."

Tears welled in Cas' eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry. Just come back and I'll explain everything. Just..." His voice cracked. "Just come back to me."

Dean paused. "I'm sorry, Cas."

"What - "

Suddenly there was a horrible crashing sound coming from the phone.

"Dean?" he whispered, stone cold with fear. "Call 911," he told the three pairs of fearful eyes that were watching him.

Horns barked and tires screeched. Metal screamed as it crunched and Cas heard the airbag deploy.

" _Dean?!_ " he repeated, the tears falling down his cheeks as he trembled violently.

Sirens wailed and Cas screamed, "Dean! No, please, no. Don't... _DEEEEEAN!_ "

But the line went dead.


	12. Where We Left Off

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Dean's eyes fluttered open and watered immediately. He could barely see anything because of the blinding white that was surrounding him. He was determined to get his eyes open, though, and kept blinking until they adjusted to the brightness. From what he could tell, he was in a hospital, but for the life of him he couldn't remember -

Suddenly it all came back.

Cas' sudden disappearance and cruel reappearance, fighting with Anna, hooking up with Bela, the rumor, Lisa in town, Cas' phone call, the accident...

He closed his eyes, tears forming now not because of the brightness of the room but because of the pain in his heart. As soon as he saw Lisa in his living room he had to bolt. He'd gotten in his car and headed south on the interstate. He hadn't even been thinking. Then Cas called - _Cas_ , with his heart wrenching pleas - and Dean didn't feel like driving anymore. He'd taken his foot off the gas and let go of the steering wheel. He'd been in the left lane, the fast lane, and his car swerved and hit the stone median. After that, he didn't remember anything.

Somebody stirred and sighed heavily and Dean opened his eyes to see Sam asleep in the chair in Dean's room, his head slumped on his shoulder and lanky legs stretched out across the floor.

"Hey, Sammy," Dean croaked.

Sam awoke instantly. He snapped his gaze to Dean and at first his expression was one of blessed relief, but it quickly turned to fury. He got up from the chair and towered over where Dean laid on the bed.

"How could you?" he asked quietly, anger coloring his tone. "What in the world _possessed_ you to do that? So what if the stupid rumor was back, so what if Cas was being a jerk? That doesn't mean you turn tail and run! That doesn't mean you try to...try to _kill yourself!_ "

Sam broke down crying and fell to his knees, head buried in his arms where they rested on the edge of Dean's bed. Sobs racked his body and Dean realized then what the crash looked like: a suicide attempt.

"I didn't..." Dean said hoarsely. "I didn't try to kill myself. I just...I don't know _what_ I was doing. But I didn't try to kill myself."

Sam looked up at him, face red and blotchy and twisted with rage. "You still turned your back on us."

Dean sighed with defeat despite the pain it caused his ribs. "I know."

His little brother opened his mouth to say something else when Bobby came into the room. He stopped short at the sight of Dean awake and Sam crying at his bedside and then shook his head.

"Ya idjit," he growled.

"I know, Bobby, I know," Dean said, not meeting the old man's eyes.

"No, I don't reckon you do," Bobby snapped. "But Ellen and Jo'll be here in an hour so I'll leave the scoldin' to them."

Sam hastily stood up and wiped his face, looking embarrassed, but Bobby acted like nothing was wrong. He lopped Dean's schoolwork down on a desk in the room and Dean groaned.

"Don't think some bruised ribs, dislocated kneecaps, and a head injury are gonna get you out of your deal," Bobby said matter-of-factly. "You still gotta do your work."

Dean eyed the stack of books and papers. "How long have I been out?"

"Two days," Sam answered from where he'd sat back down in the armchair.

"Shit, Sammy, I'm - "

"Save it."

Bobby eyed them grumpily. "Sam, quit actin like a twelve year old girl with a grudge."

Sam gave him a bitchface and Dean started to chuckle but stopped because of his ribs.

"No, I mean it," Bobby continued. "It happened and Dean's alright, but it's in the past and we just have to move on from it now."

Sam looked away, crossing his arms stubbornly across his chest. Bobby rolled his eyes and Dean cracked a small smile, and then his face became pained.

"Is...Is Cas...?" he asked, struggling to ask the question.

"We can't get ahold of him," Bobby answered. "Broke down after the phone call and Lisa stayed with him while Sam and I went to the hospital. Guess he went home, haven't heard from him since."

Dean nodded slightly and stared at his lap. Somebody knocked on the doorframe and they looked up to see Lisa standing there, smiling sheepishly.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi," Dean replied.

They smiled awkwardly at each other and then Bobby made a move for the door, dragging Sam out with him. Lisa chuckled and pulled the chair closer to Dean's bed.

"I see they haven't changed," she said. "Except Sam sprouted. He has to be six foot by now, hasn't he?"

Dean shrugged. "You didn't drive here from South Dakota to talk about my little brother, Lisa. What's up?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "When I came here, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I came to apologize for the things I said to you before you left. They were uncalled for - "

"You accused me of telling my father to die," he said bluntly. She flinched. "You said the rumors had to be true because otherwise I wouldn't uproot Sam and Bobby and drag them to California."

"Yeah." She nodded guiltily. "I'm so sorry, Dean. But I didn't spread that, rumor, I swear. I was looking for you on campus when I ran into this girl named Meg who said she was your best friend."

Dean snorted with scorn.

"I realize now that she was lying, but I mentioned your dad and I guess she researched it and found out."

"Meg's a bitch and my ex-best friend's girlfriend," Dean informed her.

" _Ex_ -girlfriend," Lisa corrected.

His eyes widened. "What?"

"I heard from your friend Anna - she was in here yesterday, by the way - that once he found out she was spreading the rumors he dropped her like a sack of potatoes. It was pretty public, too, I hear. He stormed out on her in the student center."

"Way to go, Cas," he chuckled to himself.

"Speaking of Cas," she said conspiratorially, leaning forward, "you two seem like you got pretty close. He showed up at the house after you did, yelling and freaking out about whether or not you were okay. But I got the impression something bad happened between you two."

Dean pursed his lips. There was no way in Lucifer's icy hell that he was going to talk about his former best friend, who he may possibly have had stronger feelings for, with his ex-girlfriend.

But, nevertheless, he found himself spilling his guts about Cas to Lisa. He told her about everything - and he meant _everything_. He told her about Cas driving by the house their first day in Clara Vista, the accidental make-out at Anna's party, their opening up to each other, Cas' messed up family, the bed-sharing...everything. And she listened patiently throughout it all, reacting perfectly to everything he told her. As they talked, Dean remembered the reason he'd liked Lisa so much: she was a fantastic listener.

"And now...here we are," he said, finishing with a shrug.

"Well, if you want my opinion, and I'm going to tell you my opinion whether you want it or not," she said firmly, "you and Cas have something really special between you. And whether that's just friendship or something _more_ \- " He glared at her. " - I think you need to at least give him a chance to explain why he did what he did."

"That's if he ever comes around again," he muttered gloomily.

"Oh, I have a feeling that he will," she replied confidently. "You two seem kinda stuck on each other, even when you're fighting."

Dean rolled his eyes and then the door to his room opened. Ellen and Jo stood in the doorway. Lisa got up and introduced herself, and Ellen walked angrily over to Dean's bedside after greeting Lisa.

"Aunt Ellen!" he said genially, despite what he knew was coming.

"Don't you _ever_ \- and I mean _EVER_ \- do that to this family again," she said, shaking a finger in his face. "You had Sam scared to death of losing his only blood relative, Bobby was about ready to sell his soul to the devil just to make sure you'd come out alright, Jo was distraught - "

"I was not!" Jo protested, but Dean could see that she looked exhausted with worry and her eyes were red.

" - and I thought I was gonna have to go through hiring another waiter!" she finished. "You are damn lucky you aren't as beaten up as you could've been. _Damn_ lucky."

"Is that all I am to you, Aunt Ellen?" he asked sadly with a teasing glint in his eyes. "Just a waiter?"

She glared. "I'd smack you upside the head if your car hadn't already done it for me," she replied, eyes flicking up to the bandages on his head. "You know how much you mean to me."

Dean smiled, but then his face filled with horror. "My car...my baby. Ellen, the Impala, how is she? How's my baby?!"

"That hasn't changed either," Lisa murmured to herself, earning a snicker from Jo.

Ellen raised a sardonic eyebrow. "You didn't seem to care too much about her when you let her slam into the median."

"Ellen, _how is my_ \- "

"She's up at the auto shop," she said, waving a hand as if to fan away his rage. "She's pretty beaten up, but Bobby's confident you can fix her up."

He opened his mouth again but she cut across him.

"And _no_ , nobody else has touched her. Bobby warned them not to."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief and sank into his pillows again. He opened one eye and fixed his stare at what Jo was holding in her hands. He instantly recognized the Roadhouse takeout box.

"Is that pie?" he asked.

"I'm not sure you deserve it," Jo said stubbornly. "You might get the idea that every time you crash your car you're gonna get pie."

"I learned my lesson, now give me my pie," he practically growled.

That caused the three women to laugh and Jo resignedly walked over and put the takeout box next to his textbooks on the desk.

"Am I...Am I interrupting?"

Cas stood in the doorway, blue eyes wide when he saw the state that Dean was in.

Dean sucked in a breath and pain shot out from his ribs. Ellen and Jo (who hadn't heard that Cas was back) stared, slack jawed, and Lisa watched them all with mild amusement that only an outsider could have. Dean and Cas stared at each other like there was nobody else in the room. Ellen, Jo, and Lisa quickly became uncomfortable with the silent eye contact and shuffled out of the room.

After several minutes, Dean managed to speak.

"I...didn't think you'd come," he admitted.

"Sam called me," Cas replied as he slowly made his way into the room. He held up the DVDs in his hand. "I brought the Lord of the Rings. Sam recommended them. We don't have to watch it, though, if you don't want to."

Dean rolled his eyes. "One does not simply bring the Lord of the Rings movies and not watch them."

He looked at Cas expectantly, but Cas just blinked.

"I don't understand that reference," he said blankly.

Dean started to chuckle, but cringed at the pain that came from his bruised ribs. Cas, looking like a concerned mother hen, moved quickly to the side of the bed and automatically put his hand on Dean's arm. They both froze up at the physical contact and stared at each other. On the one hand, Cas had told him only two days ago that they weren't friends anymore and not to touch him. On the other hand, it was so obvious that they still were friends and they both subconsciously desired the contact but were too stubborn to admit it.

"Put the movies in," Dean said, breaking the silence. "I haven't seen them in a while."

Cas nodded and fiddled with the television for a bit and then the director's cut of the Fellowship of the Ring was playing. Cas put down the blinds and closed the door so it was only open a crack. He sat down in the chair next to Dean's bed and put his arm up on the bed so their forearms touched, like they would do in the Impala. Except this time their fingers were splayed lightly over each other.

And ten minutes later when Bobby, Sam, Ellen, Jo, and Lisa peeked through the crack to check on them, it looked like they'd never even been fighting in the first place.


	13. Blood and Family

It only took a day for Dean's nurses and Cas to be on first name basis with each other. They simply adored him, always whispering to each other about how pretty his eyes were and how kind and courteous he was. They also whispered about his and Dean's relationship, whether or not they really were just friends, but Cas pretended not to hear those conversations; they made him blush. Lisa also made Cas blush with the knowing looks she gave Dean and Cas whenever she saw them together. He didn't have to put up with her much, however, since she left for Sioux Falls the day after Dean woke up, but not before striking up a rapturous friendship with Anna that had both Dean and Cas afraid.

Dean only had to stay in the hospital for a couple more days. He had to be wheeled around in a wheelchair to make sure his kneecaps wouldn't pop out of place again and he wasn't allowed to do anything extreme for a couple weeks. He also had to go to physical therapy because of his knees. Cas was with him every second of every day. Dean refused at first, saying he didn't want Cas to miss class, but Cas had already talked to the professors and explained the situation. They did their schoolwork together when they weren't watching Lord of the Rings or Star Wars.

"Dean, stop," Cas mumbled as he read about digital system designs.

They were lounging on Dean's bed, Cas studying and Dean not. Cas was stretched across the bed, propped up on his elbows with his textbook in front of him. Dean was sitting perpendicular to Cas with his back against the wall, legs draped across Cas'. He had just been lightly tickling the bottoms of Cas' feet out of boredom.

"I'm bored," Dean said, like the five year old he truly was inside.

"So do something," Cas answered unhelpfully. "Do your physical therapy."

Dean _hmph_ -ed and raised one leg up, slowly bending and straightening it. He did five bend-and-straightens with his right leg and then five with his left leg and then he was bored again. He danced his fingertips against the sole of Cas' foot again. Cas twitched.

"Please don't," he said, casting a pleading look over his shoulder.

Dean held up his hands, trying to look innocently confused as to why Cas would be asking him not to do something since he clearly wasn't doing anything. Cas rolled his eyes and returned to his textbook. Dean then leaned over and began tickling Cas' sides.

"Dean!" he exclaimed, writhing as he tried to escape. "Dean...Dean I asked you t-to stop!"

"You asked me to stop tickling your feet," Dean replied mischievously, getting gingerly on his knees and flipping Cas over so he was on his back.

Cas stared fearfully up at Dean, who could've been straddling him if Dean moved his leg over. Dean grinned and then attacked Cas' stomach. Cas let out noises of protest as he flailed and tried to get Dean away from him, but Cas didn't want to do anything too extreme and cause Dean injury, so Dean had the upper hand.

"No, no!" he squeaked, throwing his head back. His head landed on his textbook and when he jerked his head to the side he tore the page slightly.

Dean stopped when he heard the sound of ripping paper. "Ah...I'm sorry, Cas."

Cas froze and quickly sat up so his legs dangled off the edge of the bed, moving away so there was two feet of space between him and Dean.

"Hey, we can tape it, it's no big deal," Dean said, confused about Cas' reaction.

Cas spoke quietly, "How could you do that?"

Dean's eyebrows pushed together. "I just wanted to get you to laugh, I didn't mean - "

"I don't care about the stupid _book_ , Dean, I'm talking about the _phone call!_ " Cas shouted, trembling slightly.

Dean's eyes widened and Cas looked quickly away from him.

"Those could've been the last words I heard you speak," Cas whispered brokenly. "Just like those were the last words you heard your father speak. So I ask you again, _how could you do that?_ "

"I wasn't thinking," Dean mumbled. "You know that. I wasn't thinking. I just...let go."

"But you had to know what you were saying!" Cas exclaimed. "You had to know that you were repeating history, to _me_ of all people! To me, who understood what those words meant!"

"To you, who abandoned me," Dean retorted darkly.

Cas flinched. "Dean - "

"You know what, maybe I did know what I was saying. Maybe a subconscious part of me _did_ want to die, and leave you with the same frustrated pain that my father left me with. It would've been just deserts for what you put me through for the past several weeks."

"I - "

"You said that if I came back you would explain everything," Dean said. "Well I'm here, so explain."

Cas nodded slowly and swallowed hard. Dean waited in silence for several minutes before Cas started to explain.

"My step-mother is a...very intimidating woman," Cas started, his tone hesitant as he glanced repeatedly at Dean. "She felt I was turning my back on my family and stepped in to make me see, ah...see the error of my ways and sent me, uh, overseas. Once she felt I had learned my lesson, she saw fit to, um, bring me back."

"Did you really listen to my voicemails?" he asked, eyes dark.

Cas looked guilty and nodded. "Naomi made me. Dean, I wanted to call back, I swear, but I wasn't allowed to. You have to know how much it pained me, to hear how badly I was hurting you."

Dean pursed his lips. "And what about Meg?" The derision in his voice was unmistakable.

"She said that I should get a girlfriend and suggested Meg," he answered. "I was simply following orders, I didn't care about Meg at all."

"Why did your step-mother make you get a girlfriend?!" Dean exclaimed. "That's ridiculous!"

Cas swallowed again. "She, um...she said she questioned the, er, _true nature_ of our friendship.

Dean's jaw hardened and he grunted. "So she made you get a girlfriend because she thought you and I were gay for each other?"

Cas flinched at Dean's bluntness, heat rising in his cheeks, but a quick sideways glance at Dean revealed that Dean was blushing too, although stubbornly.

"Why do you listen to her?" he asked, and Cas was glad to talk about something else other than their strangely intimate friendship. "Is it just because you're scared of her?"

"I am still living under her roof, so I have to follow her rules," Cas replied. "It's the courteous thing to do."

"Move out."

Cas stared at him. "What?"

"Move out!" Dean said vehemently. "You're nearly twenty-one years old, Cas, you can move out!"

"But...But that would be - "

"Turning your back on your family?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Cas nodded and Dean sighed.

"Listen, you know how Bobby's always going on about how family doesn't end in blood?" he asked.

"Yes, and it's quite true. You, Sam, Bobby, and the Harvelles are proof of that," Cas replied.

"Well, the way I see it...family doesn't necessarily need to _start_ with blood, either."

Cas' expression turned awestruck as if he'd just seen the light of God. Dean scooted closer to him and put his hands over Cas'.

"Move in here," Dean said with insistence. "Sam, Bobby, and I are more your family than they are and you know it. You belong here, with us. You don't owe them anything, Cas, especially not Naomi. She may say you turned your back on them, but really they turned their backs on you."

The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable. It was heavy with the weight of Cas' decision. Would he leave his family and move in with Dean, or would he stay with his family and possibly alienate Dean by refusing? Meanwhile Cas could hardly think straight, not with Dean sitting so close to him and unconsciously rubbing his thumb against the back of Cas' hand.

"Spe...Speaking of being nearly twenty-one," Cas mumbled, "what are we going to do for your birthday?"

Dean blinked, surprised at the sudden shift in conversation.

"I mean, it's coming up in a little over a week," he continued.

"Yeah, um, it is," Dean said, understanding Cas' need to think his decision over. He felt guilty for expecting him to make his choice right then and there. "I dunno, Ellen will probably make some pie. I really don't like making a big deal about my birthday, but Sam and Bobby always insist on getting me something, and I guess Ellen and Jo might too."

"Is there anything you would like for your birthday?" Cas asked.

Dean shook his head insistently. "Cas, no, really. I don't want you to get me anything. Honestly the thing I like best about my birthday is having everybody be there for me. That's what I want."

Cas smiled. "I understand."

"Speaking of presents, though," Dean mimicked Cas as he got off the bed and went over to his closet, "do you want your Christmas present?"

"No, Dean, please. I don't...I don't deserve it after what I did to you," he protested, and frowned down at his lap.

"Hey, self-punishment is supposed to be _my_ thing!" Dean said sarcastically as he came back with a crumpled up Christmas bag.

Cas glared at him. "That's not funny, Dean."

"Yeah, yeah," he replied dismissively, setting the bag in Cas' hands. "Sorry about the bag. I, uh...got mad one night after I, um, called..."

"I understand," Cas mumbled.

He didn't move his hands. He didn't shove aside the tissue paper, he didn't reach inside the bag to remove the present. He held the Christmas bag as gingerly as if it were a bomb, and certainly looked as scared as if it were a bomb.

Dean sighed and nudged him. "Open it," he insisted.

Cas relented and took out the tissue paper, setting it beside him on the bed. Then he resigned to pulling out a rectangular object that was wrapped in tissue paper. He removed the tissue paper and read the book title. His eyes widened and he gasped slightly.

" _The Trumpet of the Swan_ ," he whispered, then flipped the cover over. "It's...It's a first edition! Dean, how did you - " He stopped, meeting Dean's green eyes, which were sparkling in amusement. "How did you know?" he asked, thumbing through the pages.

"I remember one time Anna mentioned it was your favorite book," he said. "I figured you must've already had a copy, since it's your favorite, so I tracked down a first edition."

"Oh, Dean..." Cas said, staring at the book in amazement.

"There's one more thing," Dean told him, nodding at the Christmas bag. "At the bottom."

Cas shook his head. "This is more than enough, Dean, I can't - "

"I didn't have to buy this one," Dean interrupted, and gestured to the bag again. "Go on!"

Cas sighed, blue eyes resigned, and set the precious book down at his side as he removed some more tissue paper. Then he pulled out a t-shirt, but it wasn't just any t-shirt. It was a worn, black t-shirt with a design of a gray snake coming up the side and the name "Metallica" on the chest.

"But, this is your favorite Metallica shirt," Cas said, his voice painted with shock.

Dean nodded. "Yep. But it looks better on you, so..."

Cas tossed the bag off his lap and scooted forward quickly, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck. Dean chuckled and hugged Cas back around his torso, pulling him closer.

"Thank you, Dean," he said into his ear.

Dean responded by tightening his hold, and then releasing him. Cas stood up and folded the shirt, gingerly setting it on the bed with the book on top of it. He then grabbed all the tissue paper, put it back in the bag, and tossed the bag in the trash. His eyes glanced on the clock and he was filled with dread.

"Ah, you should probably go, huh?" Dean said, frowning. "You have to be home by eight."

"Dean, can you take me home?" Cas asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Why? Your car would be left here."

"I got you a Christmas present as well and I want to give it to you."

"Just give it to me tomorrow."

"But I also want to get some of my things," Cas continued. "If I'm going to be staying here long-term I don't want to be stealing all of your clothes like last time."

Dean's ears felt like they were buzzing. He shook his head to clear it and then stared at Cas, slack jawed. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

"Cas, do you...do you mean it?" he asked. "You wanna move in here?"

Cas ducked his head, looking bashful. "If you'll have me."

"If we'll - God, what are you saying?!" Dean exclaimed, leaping from the bed. "Let's go, come on, what are we waiting for?"

Cas' face broke out into a grin and the two bounded down the stairs and into the garage, Dean shouting over his shoulder at Bobby. Cas had to remind Dean to drive the speed limit several times as they made their way to Cas' house. But once they pulled up almost all of Cas' confidence had turned to fear.

"Are you sure about this?" Dean asked, noting the look of worry on his face.

Cas nodded. "It's now or never." He swallowed. "You're coming with me?"

"Sure as hell not gonna let you go alone," Dean answered. "Come on."

They got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk to the front door. Cas took a deep breath and then walked inside, Dean following. They quickly headed upstairs to Cas' room. When Dean got there he realized that he'd never been in Cas' room before. It was very...not Cas.

The walls were painted some kind of awful dark red color and the curtains over the window were black. A couple pin-up posters decorated the walls along with some posters from UNLV. The bed was black as well, matching the curtains, and there was a small bookshelf above the desk in the room. Dean's suspicions about Cas already owning a copy of _The Trumpet of the Swan_ ; a very worn copy was sitting happily on the shelf between _The Red Badge of Courage_ and _1984_.

"Nice room," Dean commented.

Cas laughed. "Luce stays in here when he visits and I share with Michael. One year he decided to redecorate and I decided it wouldn't be a healthy decision for me to undo it."

"Makes sense."

Cas went over to his desk and unlocked one of the drawers, pulling out a small, thin box. He walked over to Dean and pressed it into his hands.

"Merry Christmas," Cas said with a shy smile as Dean lifted the lid off and stared. "Sam said that you lost yours in Sioux Falls after...after your father, and when I was overseas I thought if I could find one online I could get it for you and I think I found something similar..."

Dean lifted the necklace out of the box, eyes still wide and staring. Hanging on the leather string was a pendant of a weird face with horns sticking out. It looked exactly like his old amulet that he'd thrown away after his dad died, except this one was silver instead of bronze.

"Thank you, Cas," he said, slipping it over his head and throwing the box in the trash. He felt comforted by the familiar feeling of the pendant hanging around his neck. "Thank you so much."

Cas shrugged and smiled at him, turning to start packing his things, but Dean caught his wrist. Cas stared at him and Dean did nothing but stare back, his gaze intense. Words weren't needed for Cas to know that Dean was trying to express just how much the present meant to him. Cas could see it in Dean's eyes and could feel it in Dean's hand around his wrist. Cas smiled at him and nodded understandingly. Only then did Dean let go.

Then Cas went to the closet and grabbed a duffel bag out of it. He began grabbing clothing from his drawers and shoving it into the bag. Dean made a stack of all of Cas' textbooks and notebooks and put as many as he could in Cas' laptop bag. Cas finished with his clothes and took all the books off of his lone bookshelf, setting them carefully among the clothes. Cas ran to the bathroom and grabbed a few toiletry items like his toothbrush, put those in the bag, and zipped it.

Dean shouldered Cas' laptop bag and held the rest of the textbooks in his arms. He smiled at Cas.

"Ready?" he asked.

"You have no idea," Cas answered.

They left Cas' room and turned out the light when they were met by Inias watching them from where he stood in the doorway of his room.

"You're leaving?" Inias asked.

Cas smiled sadly and nodded. "It had to happen someday. It just turns out that someday is today."

Inias sighed, but smiled understandingly at his brother. Hester opened her bedroom door and stared at them, eyes wide and manic. Dean glared mutinously at her, remembering the last time he'd talked to her.

"Castiel!" she exclaimed in horror. "You...You can't!"

"Hester - " Cas started.

" _MOM!_ " she screamed.

Dean and Cas exchanged shocked looks and then charged down the hall past her. They bolted down the stairs and Dean got to the front door when Naomi appeared at the foot of the stairs, blocking Castiel.

"Going somewhere?" she asked sweetly.

Cas looked wild and fearful, but Dean was there, and he got confidence from his presence.

"Away from you," he answered.

"Oh really?" Her tone turned sour. "Well I hope you're heading overseas, then, for this act of disobedience."

Cas paled at the mention of "overseas." He shook his head.

"No, I'm moving in with Dean," he said.

Naomi laughed. "How sweet. Your dedication to him really can't be swayed, can it? You had learned your lesson so well this last time I thought it might be alright if you were to be in contact with him again, but I can see that his poison spreads no matter how many antidotes I put up against it."

"Dean isn't poison!" Cas declared hotly.

"You always were the worst of your siblings," she snarled. "Honestly, I think you came off the line with a crack in your chassis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely. You've never done anything right."

"You made me this way, Naomi," he replied with venom in his voice as he pushed past her to get to Dean. "What I am is your fault."

"Oh please!" she laughed. "Castiel, if you walk through that door, don't plan on ever coming back."

Dean stopped, his hand on the doorknob. He looked at Cas for confirmation, but Cas was watching Naomi.

"You can't have the best of both worlds, Castiel. You can't live with Dean and waltz back into the family when you feel like it," she said. "You have to choose, Castiel - _u_ _s_ or _them_."

Cas shook his head. "My siblings won't turn their backs on me, so really the choice is _you_ or my _real_ family," he said, glaring at her. "And you've been making that choice easier and easier for me my entire life. Let's go, Dean."

Without another word, Dean wrenched open the door and the pair strode out into the evening. They didn't speak until they were driving away.

"You okay?" he asked, shifting his hand on the console so it curled around Cas'.

"Yes," Cas said with a little chuckle. "Yes, actually, I...I feel better than I have in a long time. I feel like I could do anything!"

Dean looked over at him and saw that Cas was staring back. Dean kept switching his gaze between Cas and the road, but he felt something twist in his gut. It was that strange feeling, the pull that was pulling him toward Cas. Suddenly he wanted nothing more than to pull the car over and pull Cas into him, crashing their lips together. And he guessed from the look in Cas' eyes that Cas hopefully felt the same. But just as he was about to turn down a side street, his phone went off.

"Ah, shit," he grumbled, tearing his eyes away from Cas'. He shifted in his seat and pulled his phone out, handing it to Cas. "Can you tell me who it is?"

Cas looked at the phone:

_ Sammy _   
_> >> Hey what's taking so long?_

"Sam wants to know why it's taking so long," Cas replied. "Do you want me to text him back for you?"

"Nah, we'll be there soon," Dean said. _Too soon_ , he thought to himself, trying to ignore the twitch his dick gave at the thought of making out with Cas in the backseat of his car.

Cas handed Dean's phone back to him and Dean put it back in his pocket. Sure enough, just a couple minutes later they were pulling into the garage and taking Cas' stuff out of the backseat.

"So why did you guys go to Cas' house?" Sam asked from where he sat on the couch watching television.

"To get his stuff," Dean answered.

"Why - "

Sam turned around and took a few seconds to appraise the meaning of Cas holding a duffel bag and Dean holding a bunch of textbooks and a laptop bag. He pursed his lips in an obvious attempt to hold back a wide grin.

"What's going on?" Bobby asked, coming out of the kitchen. He stopped when he saw Dean and Cas.

"Um, well, I've decided that I don't want to live with my crazy step-mother anymore," Cas mumbled, looking embarrassed, "and I was hoping you would let me stay here?"

Bobby scoffed. "Well I'd be offended if you didn't."

Cas turned to beam at Dean and Sam gave up on hiding his grin. Dean took the stairs two at a time, Cas following behind him.

"Bout time, huh?" Bobby said to Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes. "You have no idea."

They decided they'd unpack the majority of Cas' things later, but Dean moved his vinyls and video games around so Cas could put his books on a shelf and they put his textbooks on the desk. Cas moved his toothbrush and things into the bathroom and changed into the Metallica shirt and his boxers to go to bed. Dean also changed into his pajamas.

Since it was only about 8:30, though, they didn't go to bed. Instead, Dean played Call of Duty with the volume turned down while Cas read _The Trumpet of the Swan_ out loud to him. Dean sat on the floor with his back against the bed and Cas was stretched out across the bed.

"As Louis relaxed and prepared for sleep," Cas read, "all his thoughts were of how lucky he had been to solve his problems with music, and how pleasant it was to look forward to another night of sleep and another day tomorrow, and the fresh morning, and the light that returns with the day."

Cas closed the book and sighed happily. Dean turned off his gaming system and television and stood up.

"I'm tired, Cas, wanna hit the hay?" he asked, even though he really wasn't that tired. In all actuality he just wanted an excuse to hold Cas close to him.

Cas nodded and got up to put the book on the shelf, then crawled into the bed as Dean turned out the light and slid in next to him. Wordlessly, they fit against each other like puzzle pieces: Cas wrapped his arms around Dean's chest and pressed his face into Dean's neck while Dean put one arm around Cas' waist and rested his other hand on Cas' arm that was across his chest.

"Do you know why I love that book so much?" Cas asked quietly, his breath washing against Dean's neck, causing goose bumps to rise.

"No, why?" Dean asked as he traced invisible patterns along Cas' arm.

"Because it's about triumph in the face of adversity. It's about finding love and happiness despite being flawed."

Dean's arm tightened around Cas' waist. "Do you love the book so much because you think you can relate?"

Cas didn't answer, only nuzzled Dean's neck slightly.

"Because you're not flawed Cas," he said, then - and he'd blame this on sleepiness if it was ever brought up - added, "You're perfect."

Cas squeezed his chest a little, and Dean could tell from the way Cas' lips had twitched that he was smiling.

"You're perfect too, Dean, no matter how much you try to bring yourself down."

And with that, they fell into a perfect, dreamless sleep.


	14. The Evil Step-Mother

"No way," Dean said, shaking his head. "We are _not_ going to have a Dr. Sexy marathon without popcorn."

Cas frowned and made a tiny whining noise that usually bent Dean's will to Cas' whims, but Dean was adamant on this one. Dean had gotten Cas hooked on his favorite guilty pleasure TV show, Dr. Sexy M.D., and Cas couldn't get enough of it. The only problem was they didn't have any popcorn, and Dean refused to watch it without popcorn.

"But Sam ate all of it!" Cas exclaimed. "And I have to find out if Annabelle decides to keep the baby or not, and also Katie's reaction to seeing Tom and Lena kissing, and - "

"And you're gonna need popcorn for all of that," Dean concluded.

Cas made a bitchface and Dean rolled his eyes.

"You've been hanging out with Sam too much," he said.

"Well you've been working too much," Cas grumbled.

"Aww, have I been neglecting you?" he asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow. "It's not like I don't see you every other minute of every day."

Cas continued pouting, fiddling with the strap on his trench coat. Dean groaned.

"Alright, come on, let's get you some popcorn," he sighed, pulling out his car keys.

Cas smiled and got off the bed. He threw a sideways glance at Dean. "You were going to come with me anyway."

"True."

They grinned at each other and then went down to the garage.

Life had been nothing but perfect since Cas moved in a week ago. All of Dean's bad moods were gone and he was - he'd punch anyone who pointed it out - actually being quite chipper. Cas fit into their lives like a missing piece. He helped Sam with various homework assignments and discussed literature with him when Dean was working. Bobby liked having him around simply because he made Sam and Dean happy, and okay maybe he was fond of the kid too. Ellen and Jo still came over for dinner every other night and they were pleased with the development as well.

"Less leftovers this way!" Ellen had declared while Cas blushed.

They were in a state of bliss, which was why they didn't anticipate anything going wrong tonight.

Dean parked in the stall closest to the grocery store's entrance and turned off his headlights before getting out of the car.

"Oh, look at the sunset!" Cas exclaimed, pointing.

Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed a fistful of Cas' trench coat, pulling him along into the store. Cas was a sucker for sunsets, and if Dean didn't drag him away he would've stood there till the sky was black.

"You get the popcorn, I'm gonna grab some booze," Dean said.

Cas made a face but didn't say anything about Dean's underage drinking since his birthday was in a couple days. Dean squeezed Cas' arm before making his way to where the alcohol was. He grabbed a six-pack of beer and then headed to the popcorn. Speaking of his birthday, nobody had really brought it up. Dean didn't care much, hopefully they wouldn't make a big deal of it like he'd asked, but a part of him feared that they were planning something secret and that was why they hadn't talked about it.

But all thoughts of secret birthday parties left his mind when the popcorn aisle was empty, with a box of popcorn on the floor.

He tried to swallow the dread in his stomach, telling himself Cas probably knocked a box off when he left the aisle. His stupid trench coat probably caught it and knocked it off and Cas just hadn't noticed. And the reason he wasn't there was because he'd gone over to meet Dean by the alcohol; they simply passed each other. Yes, that was it, that made sense.

Dean speed-walked back to the alcohol but Cas wasn't there. He stalked quickly through all of the aisles but Cas wasn't there. He went up to the front of the store.

"Hey, did a guy in a dirty trench coat just leave?" he asked the cashier closest to the door. "Dark hair, really blue eyes?"

The girl scrunched up her eyes and then nodded. "Yeah, a couple minutes ago. He looked pretty uncomfortable."

"Was there anybody with him?!" he asked, panic running like ice through his veins.

"Some lady wearing a pantsuit. She looked kinda scary," she girl said, wrinkling her nose.

Dean went numb for several seconds, then dropped the beer and ran.

"Hey - Hey you break it you buy it! Mister, wait!" the cashier called.

He didn't turn around. He was focused on finding Cas.

"Cas?!" he shouted when he reached the parking lot.

A dark car sped by him and Dean got a glance of Cas sitting in the backseat. He started running after the car, broken beer bottles he should probably pay for be damned. He tried reading the license plate but the lights that were supposed to shine on the plates weren't on or weren't working and it was too dark for him to tell what the letters and numbers were. The car peeled out of the parking lot, but Dean kept running until he couldn't see the car anymore, and even then he still ran. He ran and ran and ran until he didn't even know where he was.

Finally he stopped running, pulled out his phone, and called Anna - phone phobia be damned too.

"Dean?!" Anna exclaimed when she answered. "You never - "

"Naomi kidnapped Cas!" he shouted desperately.

There was a pause. " _What?_ "

"We were at the grocery store and I went to get beer while he got popcorn and - "

"Dean, slow down, I can't - "

" - and he was _gone_ and the cashier said he left with a lady in a pantsuit!"

"Right, yeah, that's definitely Naomi."

"Great, now that _that's_ clarified," Dean snarled nastily.

"I'm on your side here, he's _my_ little brother you know!" Anna snapped into the phone. "And you know what, I think I like texting you better after all."

"Anna!" he exclaimed in frustration.

"Okay, well, have you called the police?"

"No."

"You call the police, then, and I'll call the family."

"What - "

But she had hung up. Dean grudgingly began running again and eventually found his way back to the grocery store. He drove to the police station, preferring to do this in person rather than across the phone.

The police were less than pleased with Dean. Dean was frustrated and when he was frustrated he swore. They also didn't seem to like "because she's a crazy psychotic bitch" as Naomi's motive for kidnapping Cas, and when Dean let slip that he didn't pay for the beer that he'd dropped they got angry until he slapped a ten on the counter and told them to give it to the cashier when they went to go interview her.

"For people who are over the age of eighteen we usually wait 24 hours to give them a chance to turn up," one police officer said.

" _Fuck_ the 24 hours!" Dean exclaimed. "Something could've happened to him by then! Just go fucking talk to the cashier, she'll tell you!"

"Sir, please refrain - "

But Dean'd had enough. He turned on his heel and stormed out of the station. When he got home it was clear that Anna had called Sam or somebody because Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo in the living room waiting for him to return. If he hadn't been so upset, he would've teased Bobby about Ellen having her hands over his.

Instead, he looked despairingly at them all and said, "He's gone," before his knees gave out.

Sam darted forward - bless his long legs - and caught Dean before he could crash completely to the floor. Jo had to stifle a sob at the sight of Dean rocking back and forth on the floor, Sam's arms a protective cage around him.

"She took him, Sammy, she took him," Dean cried unabashedly. "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone..."

"We'll get him back, Dean," Sam said vehemently. "I swear."

Dean refused to go up to his room, saying that he didn't want to go without Cas. He kept shouting and throwing fits until he passed out around midnight and the others had to help Sam carry Dean up to his room. Dean woke up in his bed at nine o'clock the next morning still dressed in his clothes from yesterday. His eyes landed on the Dr. Sexy DVDs by the television and everything suddenly came rushing back. He bolted downstairs.

"We have to go now, come on, get going, we - "

He stopped, staring at Bobby and Sam. Bobby was calmly drinking coffee and reading the newspaper and Sam was watching television. They looked as if it was any normal day and Cas wasn't missing.

"Eat some breakfast and get dressed," Sam said, then wrinkled his nose. "And take a shower while you're at it, you smell."

" _I'll shower after we find Cas, in case you forgot about him!_ " Dean roared.

"Told ya he wouldn't take it well," Bobby said as he flipped a page of the newspaper.

"Take what well?" Dean asked, looking livid.

Sam sighed. "Anna told us not to do anything until she came over, so just...shower, for God's sake, okay?"

"Why - "

"I don't know," Sam interrupted, "but I don't want to cross her. If you do, then go ahead, but I'm going to wait for Anna."

Dean grumbled to himself as he went back upstairs. Sam was right. It was safer just to wait for Anna, even though he didn't want to. He took a quick shower and got dressed and went downstairs. He was angrily shoving a muffin in his mouth when the doorbell rang. Dean let out an exclamation that was probably supposed to be "Anna!" but ended up being a muffled shout that shot crumbs all over the kitchen. He swallowed what little muffin he hadn't sprayed on the counter, tossed the rest of his muffin over his shoulder, and went to open the front door.

"Anna?" he asked, because it wasn't just Anna that was on his doorstep.

Standing behind her were Rachel, Michael, Gabriel, Alfie, Lucian, Inias, two black men Dean didn't know, and a blonde guy with sunglasses who looked like he could be James Bond.

"Don't just stand there, let us in!" Anna exclaimed, pushing past him and into the house.

Sam and Bobby looked just as awestruck by the procession of people that came into their living room. Sam's expression brightened at the sight of Inias, who went over and instantly began apologizing for ignoring him.

"It's fine, it's fine," Sam said with a smile. "Where's Hester?"

"Hester's just as crazy as Mom, so we didn't bring her," Inias answered with a slight smile.

Dean stared at all of them. "What are you doing here?"

"Well Anna sounded an SOS on dear little Cassy, so naturally we dropped everything and came running," Gabriel answered.

"I didn't think..." Dean trailed off.

"Didn't think we cared?" said the blonde James Bond man - he even a British accent. "We may be a shit family but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other."

"I'm guessing you're Balthazar?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow.

Balthazar took off his sunglasses and smiles. "In the flesh. Caught the first flight to the states once I got Anna's text."

"So you two - " Dean started, turning to the black men.

"The name's Raphael Celio," said the man who looked like a really intense business man. He gestured to his brother, who looked like the scary secret service. "This is my brother Uriel."

"And you're all here to help find Cas?" he asked, turning to look at all of them.

They nodded and Dean clapped his hands together.

"Alright, so, does anybody have any idea where Naomi might have taken Cas?" he asked.

He was met with silence.

"Anything?" He raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Any vacation homes?"

They shook their heads and he sighed in aggravation.

"Okay, when Cas disappeared for a bunch of weeks last time Naomi said she sent him overseas to learn his lesson."

" _What?_ " exclaimed everyone except Anna, Inias, and Lucian.

"She _did_ that?" Rachel said.

Dean was confused. "Yeah. She made it seem like a normal thing. You guys misbehave and you go overseas to work for your dad's company."

Michael shook his head. "That's not how we do things. You said Castiel disappeared recently?"

"Well, I _thought_ he disappeared," Dean replied. "He stopped talking to me for a little over a month. Naomi said he went overseas, but - "

He stopped when Lucian scoffed. Michael turned to him, a thunderous expression on his face.

"Is there something you'd like to say?" he asked, his voice almost a growl.

"Boys," Anna said warningly.

Lucian raised an eyebrow at Michael. "Overseas is a code word."

The living room went silent.

"A what?" Alfie asked.

"A _code word_ ," Lucian replied dryly. "It doesn't actually mean she's going overseas."

"Then what _does_ it mean?" Michael asked.

"And how did you find this out?" Dean added.

Lucian rolled his eyes. "She was on the phone with Dad one time and said she was leaving overseas - bought a ticket and everything - but actually she went to her parents' house in Irvine."

"She sold that house after they died," said Uriel.

"No she didn't," Lucian said in a sing-song voice. "She only said she did."

"Why would she keep her parents' house a secret and call it overseas?" Rachel asked.

"Because she's a crazy psychotic bitch," Lucian said in a deadpan. Dean had to agree with him.

"Careful, Luce, that's my mother you're talking about," said Raphael with a slight frown.

Lucian raised an eyebrow. "Sorry but it's true."

"Do you know where the house is?" Dean asked Lucian.

"Yep."

"Then we're going."

Everybody suddenly started talking at once and Dean had to shout to get them all to shut up again.

"What about the rest of us?" Anna asked. "I didn't assemble the Novak-Milton-Celio Avengers for nothing."

"Come up with other places that Naomi might have taken him," Dean said. "Lucian, you're coming with me."

Michael stepped forward, stopping them. "I know where the house is, I can take you."

Lucian sneered at him. "What's the matter, big brother? Don't trust me?"

"Of course not." Michael scoffed with derision. "You are the very _product_ of a lie, Lucifer."

"Yeah, well - "

"Shut up!" Sam shouted, glaring at them. "Dean said you two were bad, but _damn_ you two are bad!"

Lucian wore an expression that looked mildly amused and mildly offended. "He said shut up to me."

"Okay listen," Dean said seriously. "One of you can come or both of you can come or neither of you can come and I'll find the place on my own, but either way I'm going to go look for my best friend, who's also your little brother, in case you forgot about him in your pissy little fight."

Michael and Lucian glanced guiltily at each other and then nodded.

"Good, now let's go," Dean said.

"Okay, meanwhile, let's search the town," Sam began as Dean and the Novak brothers went to the garage.

Michael sat in the front seat while Lucian lounged in the back. Dean glared at him in his rearview mirror but Lucian didn't notice. He turned on the radio and pulled out of the driveway, Lucian telling him to get on the I-5 North.

"How far away is it?" Dean asked.

"'Bout an hour and a half," Lucian replied.

An hour and a half stuck in a car with the devil and his righteous brother. Great.

Michael and Lucian behaved themselves, however, and it was good that they didn't sit next to each other. Dean listened to his music and Michael looked out the window and Lucian played games on his phone. Really all Dean could think about was the pit in his stomach as he worried about what Naomi was doing to Cas. Sweet, practically angelic Cas.

And this was all Dean's fault, just because he had to have some stupid fucking popcorn to watch some stupid fucking show.

Tears smarted at his eyes but he had to keep it together. He wasn't going to have a full on meltdown in front of Michael and Lucian.

Time bled by as Dean sped along the highway, and they reached the town of Irvine, California, in an hour. Lucian looked impressed and Michael looked like he was going to make a comment about speeding but decided against it. The brothers got serious when they passed the town sign; you could instantly sense the change in mood. Lucian stopped playing games and sat up, giving Dean directions to the house.

"Just do a drive by first," Lucian said. "Then we can park around the block."

Dean nodded and then turned up the street that the house was on and went a couple blocks before they got to it. It was an unassuming house: two stories, brown, a simple garden in front that made it clear the house was at least being taken care of. There was no evidence that Cas or Naomi was there. Dean gritted his teeth. If they came all this way in vain then they just wasted a two hours roundtrip that could've been spent looking for Cas. But then -

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed, slamming on the brakes at the sight of his friend's worried face appear in the curtains of an upstairs window. He looked injured and Dean felt panic seize his heart.

"Where?" Lucian asked, leaning forward. "Shit, drive!"

"What - no!" Dean protested. "We have to - "

"We have to go because the garage door is opening and presumably Naomi is leaving the house but she will recognize your car if we sit here any longer," Michael said.

"Well why didn't you say so!" he grumbled, hitting the gas and going up another block, then looping around the block to turn around. They sat on a corner perpendicular to the street the house was on and watched Naomi pull out of the driveway and leave.

"Alright, let's call the police first - " Michael started, but Dean was already out of the now parked and idling car, running down the block to the house.

He tried the door and found it locked, but that didn't matter to him. He took a couple steps back and then kicked it open, rushing up the stairs.

"Cas?" he shouted. "Cas! Where are you?!"

"Dean?"

Cas' muffled voice came from behind a door at the end of the hall. Dean ran to the door - horrified to see that it had a cat flap at the bottom, presumably for food - and jiggled the door handle, which was locked.

"Cas, stand back!" he shouted.

"Okay."

Dean waited a couple moments and then kicked this door open too. He stepped into the room and saw Cas for the first time in a little over twelve hours - which really felt like a lifetime.

Cas looked vulnerable and scared, like a ten year old boy. His lip was split and fat and he had a black eye forming. Cas was sort of hugging himself and his arms were bruised and had cuts all over them. Cas' clothes were torn.

"Oh, Cas," Dean said, walking forward and gingerly taking Cas into his arms.

Tears tumbled down Cas' cheeks as he curled his fingers into Dean's jacket, leaning his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean carded his fingers soothingly through Cas' hair.

"This is where you were when you said you were overseas?" Dean asked, looking around at the bare room. It was painted white and was empty of everything except a single size bed that had no sheets on it and only a small blanket. "She did this to you when you were gone?"

"This i-is overseas," Cas replied, "but she hasn't...hasn't hit me since I was a ch-child."

"Since you were - " Dean went rigid with realization and gently pulled away from Cas so he could look in his eyes. " _She_ was your childhood bully?! _She's_ the reason for your touch phobia?!"

Cas nodded tearfully and Dean hugged him again, white hot fury coursing through him.

"I swear, Cas, she's gonna pay for this," he said viciously, then softened. "Oh, God, why didn't you tell me?"

"I c-couldn't tell anyb-body," Cas replied. "She always s-s-said nobody would be-believe me."

Dean bit his lip. "Jesus..."

"Overseas used t-to be the basement, but that b-became impracti-tical," he whispered. "But by then I h-had learned my lesson. And then y-you came and she lost c-c-control over m-me."

Dean's chest tightened as he resisted the sobs that built in his throat. He wanted to scream and cry and punch things. He wanted to go back in time and kill Naomi for what she'd done to Cas, for traumatizing him.

"We're getting out of here, Cas," Dean said pulling him gently out the door.

Cas' feet stumbled as they moved, and it was clear that he was fighting a war with himself. Part of him didn't want to disobey Naomi; he wanted to stay in the room and listen to Naomi and do whatever it was she told him to do in order to make the pain go away. But the other part of him wanted to flee with Dean, to escape the world of steely glares and overseas trips to torment.

They got to the bottom of the stairs when Naomi appeared and hit Dean in the back of the head with a frying pan. Cas let out a cry of pure terror and shrank away, pressing himself against the wall. Dean fell against the stairs, half-conscious.

"Should've known you wouldn't give up," Naomi hissed. "Should've known you'd stick your nose where it doesn't belong! Did you think you were sneaky, stopping in front of my house? Did you think I would recognize that piece of junk you call a car?

Dean made some sort of noise of protest.

"Castiel and I were happy before you came along!" she screeched.

"Get...Get away from him!" Dean exclaimed, trying to rise off the stairs. She hit Dean with the frying pan again and Cas screamed, flinging his hands over his eyes. Dean fell over backwards, struggling not to pass out.

"And as for you," she growled, turning to Cas, who was whimpering and scrabbling against the wall in an effort to get away from him. She whacked every part of Cas she could find with the frying pan, Cas shrieking with pain and fear every time, his nails digging into the floorboards.

"I tried - as hard - as I could!" she exclaimed between swats. "Your brother - and sister - were too - far gone - but _you!_ \- I had - hopes - for you, Castiel - I thought - I could make - you into - a good boy!"

"I am a good boy," Cas sobbed, curling around himself on the floor. "I'm a good boy, Naomi..."

She bent over him, ignoring his squeals of protest. "Good boys don't run away, now do they?"

"No, I'm sor - " He cut off and screamed again as she hit him with the frying pan again - but this time not with the bottom of it.

Cas howled with agony as the rim of the pan dug into him again and again. Dean stood up and tried to sneak over to Naomi and disarm her, but she saw him out of the corner of her eye and kicked him hard in the groin with her pointy-toed shoes. He fell over with a groan.

"Now, let's see how we can make this better," Naomi hissed, approaching Castiel again.

The front door burst open again - Naomi having closed it the best she could when she sneaked back into the house - and Michael and Lucian ran in. They tackled Naomi to the ground, ignoring her shouts of protest. Michael threw the frying pan aside and Lucian full on punched Naomi in the face.

" _That's_ for my little brother!" Lucian shouted at her, then looked at Michael and grinned. "Been wanting to do that for a while."

Michael grinned back and then he too punched Naomi. " _That's_ for...being a bitch!" he declared as Naomi yelled in outrage and pain.

Lucian raised an eyebrow at him. "Being a bitch?" he repeated. "That's seriously the best you could do? Do all your creative insults only come into play when you're insulting me?"

"Well - " Michael started, frowning grumpily.

"Hey...assbutt..." Cas croaked through his tears, causing the brothers to turn and look at him. "Little h-help?"

"Sorry, little brother, got carried away," Lucian said.

Michael started to get off of Naomi, letting go of her arm, and Naomi tried to swing a punch at him. Lucian caught her fist and bent it backwards.

"Oh no you don't," Luce growled as Michael went to tend to Cas. "Nobody dicks with Michael but me."

Dean had to let out a small chuckle at that as Luce punched Naomi again. He pulled himself over to where Michael had kneeled by Cas and taken him into his arms, a fiercely protective look on the older Novak's face. Cas was obviously struggling to stay awake, but Dean couldn't let him go under. They both probably had concussions, and Dean had to keep Cas awake.

"Cas, buddy, hey," Dean said, his head throbbing as he dragged himself into a sitting position next to Michael and Cas. "Hey, you gotta stay awake for me, Cas."

"Anything for you, Dean," Cas mumbled, his eyelids fluttering as they heard sirens in the distance.

Dean reached out and squeezed his hand. "No, come on. You have to, Cas, I can't lose you."

"Never...lose me," Cas whispered, a sloppy smile on his battered face. "Not po...ssible..."

"Cas, Cas, Cas," Dean said urgently, squeezing Cas' hand even harder to make him open his eyes. "You have to keep your eyes open."

Cas' eyelids twitched as he tried to open them. Michael shook his shoulder slightly, trying not to case him pain but trying to keep him away.

"I know you're in there. I know you can hear me," Dean said with desperation. He could hear the wails of sirens getting closer.

Cas stirred slightly. "Nnn..."

"Cas, it's me." Tears formed in Dean's eyes and the throbbing in his head got worse. "We're family. We need you."

He swallowed, his vision temporarily going black as everything swam before him. His voice broke.

" _I_ need you," he whispered, and the full weight of that statement crashed over him. He needed Cas, _needed_ him. He need the broken, blue-eyed boy in his life or life just wasn't going to be worth living anymore.

Michael straightened with surprise at Dean's bold statement and their eyes met and an understanding passed through them. Then the EMTs came through the door and stooped over them, and Dean saw them jostle Cas awake. Only when he saw those blue eyes once more did he allow himself to give in to the darkness in his mind, and everything went black.


	15. Burnt But Not Broken

Cas smelled mint and newspaper. It was an odd combination, his barely conscious mind thought, yet it seemed oddly familiar. But why -

His eyelids flew open and he saw he was in a hospital room. His trench coat was draped over the blankets that were covering him and an aged, blond man sat in the chair by his bed, watching him with a smile.

Tears formed in Cas' eyes. "Dad," he whispered.

"Hello, Castiel," Mr. Novak said, his smile widening. He rose from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed, one of his hands playing with the trench coat. "You kept my old coat."

"Of course I did," Cas answered. "Dad, why are you - "

"Why am I here, after years of absence?" he asked, a hint of sadness behind his dark eyes. "I'm here for you, Castiel."

Cas shook his head slowly in disbelief. "But I thought...I thought you didn't care about me - about any of us - anymore."

"Oh, Castiel, of course I care about you," Mr. Novak said, frowning slightly. "I love and care about all my children, even your siblings the Miltons."

"So why - "

"I had to let you kids grow up on your own." Mr. Novak smiled at him. "You understand, don't you? I had to take a step back and let you make your own decisions, become who you wanted to be. I felt that if I stayed too involved in your lives I would end up shaping you to what _I_ thought you should be."

Cas was stubbornly silent. It made sense, he admitted grudgingly to himself, but parents were supposed to look after their children. That was their _job_. If his dad had stayed, maybe Naomi -

"But perhaps I took too many steps back," he concluded, looking away from his son. "It seems I left you vulnerable and unprotected. I will never regret anything in my life as much as I regret bringing that woman into your life."

The tears in Cas' eyes threatened to spill over. He tried raising an arm to wipe them away but hissed in pain of the attempt. He looked down and saw his body was covered in angry bruises. Mr. Novak looked sadly at him.

"Dad?"

Mr. Novak turned and Castiel looked up to see Rachel standing in the doorway to Cas' room.

"Can we see him?" she asked.

"Of course," Mr. Novak replied with a smile.

He stood up and let Rachel and all of Cas' siblings - even Hester, who looked mortified at Cas' state of being - surrounded his bed. Sam, Bobby, Ellen, and Jo hovered behind them. They were all silent; nobody quite knew what to say. Cas smiled at each of them in turn, and then frowned.

"Where's Dean?" he asked. "Is he okay?"

Anna laughed. "Here you are, bruised and battered from head to toe, and you want to know if _Dean_ is okay?"

He smiled sheepishly and nodded slightly. They all laughed at that. While they laughed, Mr. Novak sneaked quietly over to the door. Only Cas noticed, and he caught his dad's eye when he looked back at them all. Cas looked intently at him, saying, _Please don't go_. Mr. Novak smiled sadly and shrugged every so slightly, replying, _I have to_. Cas closed his eyes for a second, saying, _I know_. And then Mr. Novak was gone.

"I guess somebody should - " Sam started, bringing Cas' attention back to his visitors.

They heard Dean's voice down the hall, "Where'd ev - _Is he awake?!_ "

Dean's footsteps thudded on the tile flooring and suddenly he appeared in the doorway looking flustered. Cas' face broke out into the most heartwarming smile anyone in that room had ever seen. Dean pressed the back of his shaking hand to his mouth, trying to blink away the tears and hide a smile of his own.

 

SPNSPNSPN

"Where are you going?" Dean asked suspiciously.

Cas gave him a bitchface that was almost as good as one of Sam's. "To the bathroom," he answered as he continued to lift himself off the couch.

"Let me help you," Dean said, gripping Cas' elbow.

Cas gently pried Dean's fingers off of him and looked him in the eye. "Dean, let me assure you that I am perfectly capable of going to the bathroom and coming back without breaking myself."

"But - "

"Besides, if my memory serves right," Cas said mischievously, "the last time we were caught in a bathroom together we ended up in a precarious situation."

Dean blushed scarlet and crossed his arms stubbornly across his chest. Cas laughed as Sam and Bobby exchanged confused looks. Dean turned to watch Cas as he walked down the hall and out of sight. He faced forward again and sighed.

"You have a look," Sam said in amazement, his eyes wide.

" _What?_ " Dean asked.

"A look!" Sam exclaimed, snapping his book shut and uncrossing his legs. "You have a look!"

Dean scoffed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"A _look_ , Dean, a look that you give Cas!" he persisted.

"Pretty sure that's just my face, Sammy," Dean said sarcastically. "I'm looking at you right now, aren't I?"

Sam shook his head. "No, it's different, you look at him different."

"Oh yeah?" he challenged

"Yeah, it's...it's fixated, like he's one ordinary star out of a thousand, but the others don't matter - not even the brighter ones - because all you care about is him," Sam said.

"Cas ain't ordinary," Dean snapped automatically. Bobby raised an eyebrow and he added, "And I don't look at him like that! Shit, Sammy, you've been reading too many romance novels, it's fucking with your brain."

"Deny it all you want, Dean, but you have a look," Sam declared triumphantly, leaning back in his chair and returning to his book.

"I don't - _hmph_ ," Dean sighed heavily. He turned to Bobby. "Tell him I don't have a look."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "I don't know much about _looks_ and such, but your face does look dumber than usual when you look at him."

Dean _hmph_ -ed again and crossed his arms tighter as he pouted. Cas came back into the living and immediately picked up on the change in atmosphere since he'd last been in the room.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked, pushing his eyebrows together.

"Oh, well, I was just telling Dean - "

"Sammy, shut your mouth or, so help me God, I will shut it for you!" Dean thundered.

Sam scowled. "Jerk."

"Bitch."

"Idjits," Bobby muttered.

Cas grinned. "Nothing out of the ordinary, then."

It had been a week since Cas' abduction. As they discovered, a lot can happen in a week.

Cas was able to go home with Dean the day he'd woken up, with instructions to rest a lot and not do anything that could cause more injury to his head. Dean was given the same instructions, but his concussion wasn't nearly as bad as Cas' had been. As such, Dean became quite the mother hen and didn't like to let Cas even remotely out of his sight.

Meanwhile Mr. Novak filed for divorce from Naomi and Naomi was found guilty of assault and abduction. Dean, Cas, Michael, and Lucian all had to give statements about what happened. Due to the substantial amount of eye witness evidence, they didn't have to go to trial. Dean tried getting Cas to go to court for the abuse in his childhood, but Cas refused, saying her punishment was enough and he didn't want to have to testify because it would be his word against hers - something he'd rather not get into; Cas also said he'd moved on from his past and given Dean a significant, grateful look that made Dean blush.

Then came the issue of what to do with the twins since their mother was incarcerated and their father was gone again (Mr. Novak had left a note saying goodbye and promising to try and come around for holidays. Cas was upset by it, but he felt like his father needed time to learn how to be a father again.). Michael offered to drop his winter term classes to take care of them, thus putting a hold on attaining his Master's Degree, but Lucian revealed that he hadn't actually been taking classes at UNLV for some time and had just been working in Las Vegas.

Lucian then quit his job so he could stay in Clara Vista and take care of the twins while Michael finished up his schooling. Michael and Lucian were actually getting along quite well lately, something that made everyone wary, waiting for them to blow up at each other again. Apparently, beating up Naomi together had turned out to be the bonding experience they'd needed.

Raphael, Uriel, and Rachel all had to go back to school. Gabriel decided to stick around and Balthazar canceled his flight back to England, saying he needed to spend more time in the States with his family. Anna was severely displeased with having her older brothers in town, as she woke up one morning to find her hair bright blue. Dean teased her mercilessly about it when she showed up on campus with the new hairdo. She responded by punching him in the gut while Cas took mental notes on her technique as Jo was still trying to teach him how to punch.

In all the commotion, everybody had accidentally skipped over Dean's birthday, which had been a couple days ago. Dean didn't think much of it; he didn't really care about his birthday except that he didn't have to drink illegally now. All he really cared about was that Cas was okay. That was the best birthday present he could've ever asked for.

"I'm hungry," Cas declared.

"Do you want me to make you something?" Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. "I want to go to the Roadhouse."

"Well fine I'll - "

"You two ain't supposed to be drivin'," Bobby interrupted.

Dean made a face. "But Bobby - "

"But since I'm feelin' particularly generous tonight, and hungry for Ellen's burgers, I'll take ya," he finished.

Dean and Cas grinned at each other and then at Bobby. They headed to the garage and climbed into Bobby's truck. Sam tagged along and took the front seat while Dean and Cas went into the back and shifted into the middle seat as much as possible despite having buckled in to the left and right seats. The drive was silent. Sam looked out the window since it was too dark to read his book while Dean gently ran his fingers soothingly over Cas' bruises and Cas watched him with a soft gaze.

Whenever Dean saw Cas' bruises (which was all the time since they covered his body and were impossible to hide), he always became filled with an animalistic rage followed by tender caring. For the past few days he'd taken to stroking Cas' bruises, and Cas thought that Dean believed it would speed up the healing process. Truthfully, Dean had recently been having the urge to kiss the bruises, to try healing them with his lips, but he knew he shouldn't satisfy that urge, so instead he stroked them.

"It looks busy tonight," Dean remarked as Bobby parked the truck. The parking lot was indeed fuller than usual.

"Must be havin a party or something," Bobby replied.

They got out of the truck - Dean and Cas maybe walking too close to each other with Dean's pointer finger hooked around Cas' pinky - and went into the Roadhouse.

" _SURPRISE!_ " the entire bar shouted.

Dean was flabbergasted as he took everything in.

Stretching across the entryway was a huge banner that read "Happy Birthday Dean." Brightly colored balloons covered the ceiling and streamers decorated every flat surface. The bar was filled with patrons, people he knew from school, and all of Cas' siblings, which surprised Cas despite him having been in on planning the party. Ellen came forward and dragged him away from Cas, Sam, and Bobby and over to the bar.

She held up a glass of beer. "First legal drink!" she announced, and everybody cheered.

Dean grabbed the glass from Ellen and took a long swig. He swallowed and pumped the glass into the air as everybody cheered again. He grinned and tried looking for Cas, but couldn't find him. He felt someone touch his elbow and Dean turned to face Cas, who was smiling widely at him.

Then the entire bar started chanting, "Speech! Speech! Speech!" Dean rolled his eyes and waved his hands to get them to quiet down.

Once he had their attention, he declared, "Let there be alcohol!"

Everybody laughed at that, but some people still chanted "Speech!" and others chanted "Cas!" Cas was blushing hard from all the eyes that were on him when the chanting quieted down and Ellen touched his arm.

"Do you want to say anything, Cas?" she asked.

He paused for a moment, and then nodded. The bar went quiet and he swallowed nervously.

"As you all know, um, it was Dean's birthday a few days ago," he started. "Most of you know Dean from school, or from the auto shop or from here at the Roadhouse. To you he may be your classmate, or your mechanic, or your waiter, but to me...he's my best friend in the entire world and he has saved my life in more ways than one."

Cas was looking so sweetly at Dean that Dean was almost blushing. He took another drink from his beer without taking his eyes off of Cas. And intense hush had fallen over the bar, everyone listening intently.

"Dean, I've known you for exactly one hundred and fifty-three days," Cas said, "which is about five months, nearly half a year. People might try to tell me how short one hundred and fifty-three days is, they might say that one hundred and fifty-three days is not enough time to truly get to know someone. But I will tell them that, when you have a connection with someone, one hundred and fifty-days is all you need.

"In these one hundred and fifty-three days, I've opened up to you in ways I never thought I'd be able to, and you've opened up to me. You know my story and I know yours and despite everything, we haven't given up on each other. I think, if one can ever claim to truly know a person, that I truly know you, Dean, perhaps even better than you know yourself, and I am here to tell you that you are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that you believe yourself to be."

Dean's eyes crinkled and he licked his lips. It felt strange to have Cas saying all this in front of a bar full of people, but at the same time he wouldn't have it any other way. There was something poetic about this scene: Cas, with his low gravelly voice, spilling out his soul to Dean in front of a room of almost-strangers. It seemed more honest this way: out in public rather than in private.

"And despite knowing you so well now, I can say with confidence that in one hundred and fifty-three more days I will know you even better, and I will know you even better than that after the next set of one hundred and fifty-three days. Because we may be burnt, battered, and bruised - " He glanced down at his bruised arms with a wry smile " - but we are certainly not broken, and I know now that nothing can tear us apart. Not phobias, or awful family dinners, or even crazy step-mothers."

Dean let out a dry chuckle, as did the people in the bar who knew what he was talking about, and Cas smiled.

"And the reason I know this is because you are my best friend in the entire world, and there is no way in hell I'm going to let you go. Happy birthday, Dean."

The bar sat in stunned silence, not quite sure of what they'd just witnessed, but burst into applause as Dean pulled Cas into a hug, holding him as tightly as he could without hurting Cas' bruises. The people in the bar cheered and whooped and hollered their approval of Cas' speech, but the pair were lost to it all. They focused on holding each other, on how perfectly they fit against each other's bodies. After a moment they pulled apart a bit and the bar turned their focus to chatting amongst themselves.

"Damn, Cas," Dean said with a shaky laugh. "You should consider writing a book. You've got a way with words."

Cas grinned sheepishly. "Actually, I've been thinking a lot about doing so."

"Really?"

He nodded. "And, now that my decisions are mine alone, I've also been considering switching my major."

"Let me guess, something to do with books?" Dean asked, thinking about Cas' literature discussions with Sam and his collection of classic books.

"English Literature," Cas said with a smile.

Dean hugged him again and Cas pressed his forehead to Dean's neck as Dean leaned his cheek against Cas' head. They didn't usually embrace this intimately in front of other people, usually saving it for when they were in bed, but they decided to abandon all caring since nothing they could do could be more intimate than that speech.

"I'm so proud of you, Cas," Dean told him. "You've gotten so strong."

"My strength comes from you, Dean."

Dean didn't reply verbally, just wrapped one arm more securely around Cas' waist and wound the fingers of his other hand through Cas' hair. Cas knew what he was saying, despite the lack of words. He was saying, _You're my strength too_.

"Dear god, are they always like that?" Balthazar murmured to Anna where he and the rest of Cas' siblings and Sam were all watching the oblivious pair.

She nodded. "Yep."

"And...and you're _sure_ they're just friends?"

"That's what they say," she answered.

He made a noise of disgust. "That's dreadful. How in the _world_ do you put up with them?"

"You don't know the half of it," Sam said glumly. " _I_ have to live with them, you know."

"We have to do something," Balthazar declared.

Gabriel's eyes glinted mischievously. "Bal, are you saying we should manipulate them into admitting their feelings for each other?"

"Yes."


	16. All's Fair

"I think you all know why you've been summoned here today."

They looked up when Gabriel spoke, his expression serious. He, Balthazar, Anna, Lucian, Sam, Charlie, and Jo were all gathered in the Miltons' living room.

Jo raised her hand. "Actually, I have no idea."

"We are here to discuss the supposed just friendship between Dean and Castiel and decide what we are going to do about it!" he declared.

Everyone went, "Ohhh."

"Great, now that we've got that cleared...what are we going to do about those two?" Gabriel asked.

"How about we send them bouquets of flowers, saying they're from each other, and the flowers will be coated in magical love dust that will make them realize their true feelings for each other," Lucian suggested sarcastically.

"Not funny, Luce," Gabriel scolded. "We're trying to be serious here."

Lucian scowled. "Well I don't want to be here. You _forced_ me to come, remember? And anyway I have to leave soon to drop off the twins a friend's house."

"Force!" Jo exclaimed. "We could force them into admitting they're perfect for each other!"

"You can't _force_ them, they'll only deny it further!" Charlie exclaimed.

"She's right," Anna said. "They're completely oblivious. They live in the land of oblivion. If oblivion were a country, they'd be the kings of it."

"Well we need to do _something_ before I bloody well lose my mind and lock them in a closet and leave them to their own devices," Balthazar said.

Sam ran a hand through his long hair. "If you lock them in a closet together they won't do anything, just wait for someone to let them out or Dean will break down the door. It's not physical intimacy they're uncomfortable with - they share a bed remember? It's the emotional stuff they don't understand."

Charlie sat up, eyes wide. "I think I have an idea."

"We're listening," Jo said.

"It's like Sam said, right?" Charlie asked. "It's the emotional stuff they're bad with. They can't admit their feelings to each other if they can't admit their feelings to themselves!"

"So what you're saying is..." Anna started.

"We have to get them to realize that what they feel for each other is more than just friendship. Do any of you think you could weasel a confession out of Dean or Cas?"

"I know how to push Dean's buttons," Sam said.

"Who wants to make Cas admit he loves Dean?" Charlie asked.

Lucian started to raise his hand, a twisted smile on his face, but Anna forced his hand back down and glared at him.

"I'll do it," she said.

"But _I_ wanted to get Cassy to confess!" Gabriel whined around the Snickers bar in his mouth.

Anna rolled her eyes. "Fine, you can help me!"

Balthazar pouted. "What about - "

"Alright!" she exclaimed. "My brothers and I will work on Cas."

"Great." Charlie nodded. "Meanwhile, whenever any of us are around them, we should make suggestive comments about their relationship. You know, teasing that they're like an old married couple and act like they're dating. That gets the idea of them being in a romantic relationship in their heads so they cant think about it and get used to it."

"What do we do once they confess?" Balthazar asked.

"Oh, yes, goody!" Lucian exclaimed with false enthusiasm. "Please, _please_ tell us what we do after that!"

Jo hit Lucian across the back of his head and he yelped. She glared at him, her dark eyes fierce, and he shrank back away from her. He gestured feebly for Charlie to continue.

Charlie grinned. "We set them up on a date and monitor them, making sure to give them the most perfect possible opportunities for them to confess their feelings."

"Are we all in agreement?" Gabriel asked.

Everybody nodded, even Lucian - albeit grudgingly.

"Let Phase One of Operation: Kings of Oblivion commence!"

SPNSPNSPN

"Hey Dean, could we hang out today?" Sam asked the next day. He'd spent a lot of time wondering how he was going to separate Dean from Cas without resorting to surgery, but then he realized he felt like a teenage girl and decided to just ask. "Just the two of us?"

Dean looked over from where he sat at his desk studying. He smiled. "Sure thing, Sammy. Cas, you okay for today?"

Cas was stretched out on the bed - his favorite place to study - and was looking at his phone. "Yes, of course. Actually, Anna just asked if she could spend some time with me, so it works out perfectly."

"Well how about that," Dean said with a smile.

They both closed their textbooks and went downstairs, Sam trailing behind them with an analytical look on his face. When they got to the garage Dean and Cas hugged goodbye a little longer and a little more intimately than they should've if they were really just friends. Dean's hand trailed down Cas' arm when they let go and their fingers caught each other for a moment. Dean's eyes lingered on Cas as he walked down the driveway to where his car was parked on the street.

Sam cleared his throat obnoxiously, looking at Dean with a teasing expression on his face.

Dean glared. "Shut up, Sammy," he snapped as he got into the car.

"I didn't say anything."

SPNSPNSPN

"Anna?" Cas asked as he walked into the Milton house.

"Cassy!" Gabriel exclaimed, bounding into the entry hall looking like an overexcited puppy.

Cas frowned. "Gabriel, that is not my name."

Gabriel frowned back at him. "You let Dean call you Cas," he pointed out.

"That's different."

"Oh?" he asked with a glint in his eyes that Cas didn't like one bit. "Just how different is it? Hmm?"

Cas swallowed, feeling nervous and embarrassed all of a sudden. He felt like Gabriel was trying to insinuate something about his and Dean's relationship, but he couldn't be sure, and if he brought up his and Dean's relationship then Gabriel wouldn't let it go. But the truth was, yes, everything was different with Dean.

"Gabe!"

Cas had never been more grateful to hear Anna's voice.

"Yes, Annie?"

She glared at him. "Don't call me that. And don't be mean to Cas."

"It's okay," Cas mumbled feebly, trying to force Dean and how different he was out of his thoughts (a feat that proved impossible).

"Come on, let's go to the living room," Anna said, pulling Cas along by his wrist.

"What are we going to do today?" he asked.

He stopped short when they entered the living room. The curtains were drawn tight and the huge, flat screen television was on. Bowls of popcorn and candy and other snacks covered the coffee table. Blankets were on the couch and floor. Balthazar turned around when he heard them came in and held up the stack of DVDs in his hands.

"Rom-Com marathon!" he sang in an overtly cheery manner.

Cas felt all the blood drain out of his cheeks.

SPNSPNSPN

Sam had a dilemma.

He had absolutely no idea how to bring up his brother's love life.

For the past sixteen and a half years of his existence he'd been avoiding meddling in Dean's affairs. He didn't ever want to talk about girls or relationships or - God forbid - _sex_ with Dean (because, face it, he had no desire to hear about Dean's various exploits or to suffer the teasing that would ensue if he asked about sex).

And now he was supposed to get Dean to confess his unrealized feelings for his best friend.

 _I shouldn't have volunteered for this_ , Sam thought to himself.

But in all actuality he was having a lot of fun simply hanging out with Dean. They hadn't had the opportunity to in a long time, and it was good to have some brother-bonding time for them. They'd gone to the bowling alley, where Sam spectacularly defeated Dean three games in a row, and then Dean regained his honor by beating Sam at Skee-Ball in the arcade. After getting some food at an In-N-Out, they were on their way home.

"Today's been fun, Dean, thanks," Sam said, though the real reason behind them hanging out still loomed in the back of his mind.

"Anytime, Sammy," Dean replied with a smile. "I'm sorry we haven't hung out in a while."

"It's fine, Dean, I get it. You've been busy and things have been crazy," Sam replied, taking a sip of his milkshake.

Dean shook his head. "It isn't fine. I've been spending too much time with Cas and not enough time with you."

"Hey, you've spent sixteen years with me, I don't mind a little space," Sam told him with a laugh. "Besides, I know Cas is important to you."

"You're important to me too, Sammy. You know you're my number one."

Sam smiled. "I know."

They got quiet then, and Sam knew that he had to ask now - before they got home - or he'd lose his opportunity. But how was he supposed to get Dean to realize he was in love with Cas? How was he even supposed to broach the topic of love? Unless -

"Hey, Dean?"

"Hm."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

Dean grinned cheekily at Sam. Sam just glared. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Kidding, kidding," he said, turning his eyes back to the road. "Shoot, kid."

"Um, how do you...ah, well, how do you know when you, uh, are in love with someone?"

Dean hit the brakes slightly, shocked by Sam's question. Sam felt himself blushing.

 _That was the worst way to bring it up_ , he told himself, shaking his head.

"Nevermind, I - "

"Do you, um...d'you think you might be, er, in love, Sammy?" Dean asked, his voice strangled. Sam could tell he was trying to be understanding and not mock him, and Sam felt grateful for that.

"Um, yeah, I dunno," Sam said, figuring that lying to him would be the best way to get Dean to talk about love. "Maybe. So how do you know?"

Dean cleared his throat and thought for a moment. "Well, I guess if you're, um, in love and ah...committed, then you would give everything for that person," he said, clearly torn between wanting to dismiss the awkward conversation and wanting to be there for his little brother.

"Anything else?" Sam pressed innocently enough.

He cleared his throat again and sipped his soda. "Um, you can't envision your life without them? They make you a better person? You care about making sure they're happy?"

Sam nodded. "Uh-huh."

"And..." Something in Dean's voice changed; it became softer somehow, like he was speaking to himself rather than to Sam. "And you want to make them laugh. Laughter is important. People who love each other push their comfort zones, help them grow as a person. And they compromise for each other, doing things for the sake of the person they love that they wouldn't normally do. You can spend a lot of time with them, talking or not, because comfortable silence is important. You value their thoughts and opinions, too."

Dean shook his head, clearing away his thoughts.

"I dunno, I've heard people say stuff like that," Dean said. "So, did that help?"

"Yeah, a lot," Sam replied earnestly, feeling slightly bad for tricking Dean in to thinking he might love someone. "So...have _you_ ever felt that way?"

Dean laughed. "C'mon, Sammy, you know me. Love 'em and leave 'em."

"You've never compromised for someone?" Sam persisted. "Never had someone who made you a better person? Never gone out of your comfort zone for someone? You haven't wanted to make someone laugh or wanted to make sure they were happy?"

"Sammy, what - "

"There's not anybody who you can't see your life without?"

Dean licked his lips in frustration. "Well, sure, I mean there's you, of course. And then Bobby, and Ellen and Jo, and - "

Sam raised an eyebrow. " _And?_ "

"And Cas, obviously," Dean said, although he looked annoyed with himself.

"Cas makes you a better person," Sam pointed out. "You make him laugh and make sure he's happy. You've both definitely gone out of your comfort zones for each other, with curing each other's phobias. I know you value his opinion and you'd definitely give everything for him."

"The dude's my best friend, Sammy, what do you expect?" Dean snapped, his grip on the wheel tightening.

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure of what?!" he snarled.

"Are you sure he's just your best friend?"

Dean was seething. He didn't want to have this conversation, but he couldn't run away because they were stuck in a car and he was driving. _Jesus_ he didn't want to have this conversation. Because having this conversation meant that he would have to unearth everything he'd been burying, he'd have to acknowledge all the feelings he'd been pretending weren't there, he'd -

"Dean?"

"Are you asking if I'm in love with him?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

Alarms started blaring in Sam's head, screaming "ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!"

"I - "

But that was the last straw.

"Because yeah, fine, maybe I am!" he exploded, shocking Sam. "Maybe I _am_ in love with him! But it's so fucking stupid and _he's_ so fucking stupid, with his stupid eyes and his stupid sex hair and he goes around smelling like stupid cherries. I was perfectly fine with being a heterosexual man with some bisexual tendencies and then he had to come in with his messed up family and fear of being touched and make me fall in love with him."

Dean hit the steering wheel angrily, causing Sam to jump slightly.

"It'd be better if I didn't meet him," he continued. "Because what if he leaves again? What if he decides I'm not worth his time and effort and _leaves_ and _ruins my fucking life again_. Huh? What then, Sam, what am I supposed to do then?"

Sam was quiet, stunned by the confession. He thought for a moment as Dean stared angrily ahead of him, breathing heavily and gripping the steering wheel far too tightly.

"You tell him how you feel," Sam said. "And you go from there."

"Can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't."

Sam shook his head. "You're ridiculous."

"Yeah, and we're home," Dean replied nastily, pulling into the garage. "Get out."

"Jerk," Sam snapped as he opened the passenger side door.

"Bitch!" Dean shouted.

Sam walked around the car to get to the door into the house, closing it behind him. Dean sat in the Impala, tempted to turn it on and drive away and forget everything that he'd said to Sam just now. But then he imagined the look on Cas' face when he realized that Dean left him, without saying goodbye. He imagined the set to Cas' jaw as he tried no to be upset, and the way he'd look down to avoid other people's eyes. He'd be frowning, trying to figure out why, _why_ in the world Dean would leave him like that, and his eyes would get sad and -

Fuck. There was no turning back from this now.

Dean ran a hand agitatedly through his hair.

"I love him," he whispered to himself, despair flooding through his body. "I fucking love him."

He shook his head.

"What do I do now?"

SPNSPNSPN

"Well, Cas?"

They'd already watched Pretty Woman, A Cinderella Story, Just Like Heaven, and had just finished 10 Things I Hate About You.

"You know I don't care for romantic comedies," Cas said tiredly to Anna. "I find them frivolous."

Gabriel leaned over from where he sat on Cas' other side, five pieces of licorice hanging out of his mouth. "Then what kind of movies _do_ you like?"

"Well..." He thought for a moment. "Dean and I watch a lot of action movies."

"So you like action movies?" Balthazar asked, leaning over Anna to get in on the conversation.

"Dean likes them."

"And you like them because Dean likes them?"

"I..." Cas blushed. "He taught me to like them."

The Milton siblings all gave each other looks. It made Cas feel uncomfortable, like they were keeping something from him.

"You do a lot of things for Dean's sake," Gabriel said. "Don't you?"

Cas shifted and frowned. "Well, yes, of course. He's my best friend. After all that he's done for me, the least I can do is watch some action movies with him."

"You care about him a lot," Gabriel continued.

"Immensely."

Anna leaned back against the couch. "The last time I cared that much about someone, it was my ex-boyfriend Tanner."

"But that's different," Cas said. "You and Tanner were a couple. Dean and I are not."

"Could've fooled me."

Cas turned to Balthazar, eyes wide. "What?"

"You should've seen Dean when you were missing," Balthazar told him. "He acted as if he'd lost a limb, or worse. And then there was that speech you gave at his party - that was pretty intense. Oh, and then that intimate hug you two shared afterward."

Cas started to blush. He ducked his head down, staring at his lap, but Balthazar continued.

"There's the fact that you two share a bed, for one, and the way you seem perfectly content to sacrifice yourselves for one another. He's the first person you trusted enough to let him cure your phobia and now you two are always touching, and if that's not significant I don't know what is," he said, popping a couple M&Ms into his mouth. "If I didn't know better I would think that you two were together if not engaged or - "

"Bal," Anna interrupted, " _stop_."

Balthazar saw that Cas had buried his face in his hands, fingers pulling at his hair. He looked distressed to say the least. Anna carefully put her arms around Cas' torso and hugged him. Gabriel rubbed Cas' shoulders and Balthazar reached over Anna to put his hand on Cas' knee.

"All teasing aside," Anna said softly, "do you love Dean? As...as more than a friend?"

Cas shuddered and they heard muffled sniffling noises from behind his hands. Gabriel gently pulled Cas' hands away from his face and they saw that Cas had started to cry. He looked scared and broken.

"Yes," he said tearfully. "I think I do."

Anna wiped a couple tears away, her heart breaking for him. "Then that's good! Love is a good thing, Cas, why are you crying?"

"Because it's impossible," Cas replied, his voice small. "He'd never, he could never - "

"Castiel, have you learned nothing from our marathon today?" Balthazar asked. "The most unlikely couples turn out to be the best."

" _That's_ why you showed me those movies?" Cas asked, half-chuckling at how ridiculous his siblings were.

He grinned guiltily. "Mostly, yes."

"But we've also missed you," Anna said.

"I'm sorry," Cas told them. "I'll try to spend more time with you guys."

"We understand, Cas, don't worry about it," Gabriel said nonchalantly. "Especially considering how you feel about Dean."

Cas cringed, as if he'd been hoping they'd forget about his confession a few moments earlier.

"You have to tell him how you feel," Anna said.

He shook his head fervently. "No. I can't. Never."

"Why not?"

"Because he won't feel the same way," Cas mumbled sadly.

"You don't know unless you try," Balthazar said earnestly.

"But - " He was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket, expecting it to be Dean wondering where he was, but he was shocked by what the screen said.

_Incoming call:_   
_Lucian Novak_

Lucian had never called him in the years that they'd known each other. Never. He felt a slight sense of apprehension as he answered the phone.

"Hello? Luce?" Cas asked, verifying that it was in fact his older brother that was calling and not one of the twins borrowing his cell.

"Hello Castiel." Lucian sounded strangled. "I was... _wondering_ if you and the Miltons would, ugh...have dinner here tonight?"

Cas blinked. "You want to have dinner all together?"

"Yes," he growled. "Dean and his brother and the Harvelles are invited too."

"Oh, well that's - "

"So are you coming or not?!" Lucian snapped.

"I - yes, yes we'll be there," Cas said, alarmed by how much gruffer than normal Lucian sounded.

"Great. Seven o'clock. Don't be late."

And then he hung up.

"Was that Luce?" Anna asked, her voice going calm and even the way it did whenever she lied.

"Yeah." Cas stared at his phone in confusion. "He wants to have a big family dinner with all of us."

He stared at his siblings, but he seemed to be the only one shocked by Lucian's out of character behavior. His siblings just smiled surreptitiously at each other, much to Cas' bewilderment.

SPNSPNSPN

"Hey, Charlie? It's Sam."

"Oh, Sam!" Charlie exclaimed from the other end of the line. "Did you get a confession out of Dean?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah, but he's not happy about it. He's pretty pissed. I don't know if he'll ever tell Cas."

"Ah, well, that's to be expected. Love confessions are tricky things, you know," Charlie said. "I had this friend once, Sarah, and I swore I thought she was a lesbian, but when I - "

"Charlie!" Sam barked, a blush rising into his cheeks again. Having to get Dean to confess his love for Cas was enough for one day, he didn't want to hear about Charlie's love life too.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly.

"It's fine. Did the Miltons work on Cas today?" he asked.

"Yep, tear-filled confession and everything," she answered. "Apparently he's also too scared to tell Dean."

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's a problem."

"We just have to stick to the plan," she told him optimistically. "Besides, they'll have to interact with each other tonight."

"What's tonight?"

He could practically hear her Cheshire grin through the phone. "Lucian is fulfilling his end of the Operation today."

"Oh god, what are you making him do?"

"Host a family dinner - Miltons, Winchesters, Harvelles, and Singer included," she informed him. "Tonight at seven. This way you can drop hints about their relationship and measure their reactions."

"You're diabolical."

"I know," she said in a pleased tone. "But all's fair in love and war."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely readers! I'll be going out of town for the next few days and I highly doubt I'll be able to work on this story at all, so the next chapter will take a little longer to get out to you guys. I'm really sorry about this, but I wanted to warn you so you wouldn't think I'd lost fire for the story or something
> 
> Shout out to ThatOneMsft from ff.net for letting me use "Kings of Oblivion"!


	17. Pushing and Shoving

A couple hours later, Cas, Anna, Gabriel, Balthazar, and Alfie arrived at the Novak house. The Winchester-Singer-Harvelle clan was already there, standing awkwardly in the living room, and Cas made a beeline for Dean.

"I'm guessing Luce called you, too?" Cas asked with a smile.

Dean laughed. "Yeah, he did. Didn't sound too happy about it, though. I don't even know how he got my number."

Cas smiled, his eyes tracing the outline of his friend's face. He stopped when he realized that Dean was watching him, and looked away blushing. He thought about what his siblings had gotten him to confess earlier - that he was in love with Dean - and blushed even harder. How was he supposed to act around Dean now? How was he supposed to act like they were just friends when in reality he wanted to be so much more?

Dean frowned when Cas looked away from him after being caught staring. He didn't mind Cas looking at him, he actually enjoyed it. He enjoyed knowing that he was on Cas' mind so much. But Cas seemed embarrassed, as if he knew about Dean's feelings and didn't want to encourage them. Dean pursed his lips. He'd have to work harder to pretend like he wasn't in love with Cas, for the sake of their friendship.

"Serve yourselves," Lucian grumbled, pointing toward the kitchen.

Dean and Cas shared an amused look at Lucian's obvious discomfort and shuffled into the line that formed. Hester and Inias had apparently done the cooking, and it was actually quite good. There was lasagna, steak, salad, and garlic bread. Dean kept looking around for something and Cas knew he was hoping there was pie.

The conversation - when there was any - was dull, mostly because everyone felt really awkward about the whole affair. Lucian wasn't being a very good host, fuming from where he sat at the head of the table while he gnawed on his steak. Hester, Inias, and Alfie were quiet. Jo and Sam were talking across the table via facial expressions. Bobby and Ellen didn't really know the Miltons or Novaks very well, so they didn't talk to anyone. Even Gabriel and Balthazar weren't saying anything, although they did keep staring at Dean and Cas.

Dean and Cas sat very close to each other like usual, their knees touching underneath the table, but Dean was very tense. Cas sensed something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what. He thought he saw a light flush on his friend's cheeks, but he wasn't sure. He felt like he might've done something wrong - or maybe one of his siblings told Dean about his feelings?! That would ruin their friendship, he was sure of it.

Balthazar cleared his throat. "Um, could you pass the salt?" he asked them.

They grabbed the salt at the same time, their hands overlapping, and they stared at each other with wide eyes. Both of them blushed, and then Dean removed his hand from Cas' and Cas handed the salt to Balthazar.

"Stop it," Jo said suddenly.

They looked at her with bizarre expressions.

"Stop what?" Cas asked.

"Being so freaking adorable together."

They blushed even more, this time refusing to look at each other. Jo obviously knew about Cas' feelings, but he didn't know how she could possibly could have found out. Perhaps she figured it out; she was, after all, a highly intelligent girl, and perhaps girls could pick up on that sort of thing better than men could. Either way, he didn't like it.

"So, Cas, are you enjoying living with Dean?" Gabriel asked.

Cas' eyes flashed. Gabriel was playing with him. He already knew that Cas enjoyed living with Dean. He just wanted to get a reaction out of Cas.

"I live with Sam and Bobby as well, not just Dean," Cas said quietly. "But yes, it has been highly enjoyable."

"And Dean? You've been enjoying it too?"

Dean swallowed despite the lack of food in his mouth like he always did when he was uncomfortable or nervous. Cas wondered why he was nervous.

"Well, yeah, it's like having my own personal tutor around 24/7," he joked. "Except he snores."

Cas sat up straight, cheeks flushed. "I do not!" he exclaimed, embarrassed.

"Yeah, you do," Dean replied, giving Cas a soft smile that said, _But it's okay, I don't mind it._ Cas smiled hesitantly back.

Jo threw her hands up in the air. "You two are like an old married couple!"

" _What?_ " they said, and everyone stared at her weirdly. She definitely wasn't acting like herself tonight. Perhaps she had caught a cold.

She yelped slightly and Cas assumed that Sam had used his long legs to kick her from across the table. He hissed at her, " _Too much_ ," and she looked apologetic and highly embarrassed.

The conversation died away again, which Cas was thankful for. Nobody talked again until they were all done eating and Anna cleared her throat.

"I think it's time for pie," she declared and Dean wiggled slightly in excitement.

Anna pulled the pies out of the fridge and once everybody had been served, they wandered into the living room and split off into little groups. Dean and Cas were stealing bites off each others' plates when Anna approached them.

"Hey guys," she said with a smile. "I got tickets to go to the aquarium tomorrow, but the guy I was going to go with ditched me, so I was wondering if you guys wanted them?"

Cas looked pleadingly at her, trying to discreetly shake his head no. He knew what she was up to: she was trying to set him and Dean up on a date and she was trying to get him to confess his feelings for Dean.

"Sounds great!" Dean replied. "I love aquariums."

"So does Cas!" Anna exclaimed. "Great, I'll go get the tickets."

Anna departed to her room where she pulled out her cellphone to call Charlie.

"The dinner was a disaster, but they're going to the aquarium tomorrow ... Yeah ... They were pretty tense around each other ... I hope you're right ... Okay, see you tomorrow."

SPNSPNSPN

Charlie, Gabriel, Balthazar, and Anna all showed up to the aquarium the next day, Charlie having gotten tickets for them. They wore touristy costumes and Balthazar had put on a fake moustache. Sam and Jo would've been there, but they had to go to school. Lucian refused, saying he'd done his part already.

"You look like you have a caterpillar on your face," Anna told Balthazar.

He glared. "I think I look good."

"Alright, team, our targets are approaching. You know your positions?" Charlie asked.

They nodded.

"Then let's do this."

SPNSPNSPN

" _Gabriel, what's your update?_ "

He sighed and put his walkie talkie to his mouth. "Same as two hours ago: they're staring at fish behind glass."

" _What are they doing?_ "

"Staring. At. Fish."

" _No, how are they acting? Around each other?_ "

"Like blushing twelve year old girls." He sighed again. "It's clear they both love each other, but neither of them is going to make a move."

" _Okay. I'm sending in my operative._ "

"Your _what?_ " Gabriel asked.

Suddenly a little girl with blonde pigtails came skipping around the corner carrying two ice cream cones. She went up to Dean and Cas, who were staring at the jellyfish, and handed them the ice cream, then skipped off.

"Charlie," he started slowly, "where did you get a child?"

" _It's an aquarium, Gabriel, there are children everywhere. All I had to do was promise she'd get her own ice cream, which I have to - Hi Cindy! Yes, we'll get it right now. - Talk to you later, Gabriel._ "

Gabriel shook his head and put the walkie talkie back in his pocket. He found a group of tourists and hid among them so he could get a better view of Dean and Cas. They looked bewildered at the random ice creams. Dean was the first to shrug it off and start eating his and Cas followed suit. Gabriel sighed and rolled his eyes. He couldn't see what the point of the ice creams was. Then -

"You've got something," Dean said to Cas, gesturing to his own mouth.

Cas looked confused; there was a bit of ice cream on the corner of his mouth. Dean pursed his lips and then reached forward, wiping the bit of ice cream away with his thumb. Then he stuck his thumb in his mouth to lick it off.

"Minty," Dean mumbled.

They were both blushing. Gabriel even felt some secondhand embarrassment from how awkward the exchange was.

He pulled out his walkie talkie. "Charlie, you're a genius."

"I know."

He jumped and turned, finding Charlie right behind him grinning wickedly.

"It's Anna's turn for watch now, let's go," she said, pulling him along.

Gabriel looked around and saw Anna walking casually into the room, a pair of huge sunglasses on her face despite the fact that they were indoors and it was kind of dark anyway. He rolled his eyes. This should be interesting.

SPNSPNSPN

" _What do you mean you lost them?!_ " Charlie hissed.

"I mean I had to pee so I went to the bathroom and when I came out they were gone!" Anna replied. "I was only gone for about a minute, I - "

" _Anna, you should've told me so I could watch them while you were in the bathroom!_ "

She ran a hand agitatedly through her hair. "I know, I'm sorry, I'm just not so good at this whole spy thing."

Charlie sighed. " _I'll get the boys to look for them. If you find them, tell me._ "

"Will do."

Anna put her walkie talkie in her jacket and turned around to go look for the two lovebirds, only to run right smack into them. She stared at them and her body filled with dread. Dean and Cas weren't supposed to see any of them, it could ruin the whole mission! That's why they wore disguises!

"Anna?" Dean asked.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses?" Cas asked in concern.

"I, um..." she mumbled as she pulled the sunglasses off her face. "I had, um...an optometrist appointment earlier and, uh, they dilated my eyes..."

They nodded, accepting her flimsy excuse.

"I thought you didn't want to go to the aquarium since your date ditched you," Dean said.

She bit her lip. "Well, I decided I wanted to come anyway. Last minute thing."

"You shouldn't have had to pay for another ticket," Cas said with a frown, reaching in his pocket for his wallet. "Here - "

"Oh, no, it's fine. I didn't pay for it," she protested.

They stared at her.

"You _stole_ a ticket to the aquarium?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"No! No, I mean, _I_ didn't pay for it, someone else did," she replied quickly.

Cas tilted his head to the side. "So you _did_ come with someone?"

"Um..." She panicked for a moment. "Charlie. Yeah, Charlie. Girls' day out, you know. She's around here somewhere."

Anna pretended to look around for the other redhead.

Dean eyed her. "Are you and Charlie...?"

Anna stared at him in confusion, then blushed when she realized what he was insinuating. "No, no! We're friends, just friends hanging out at the aquarium."

They nodded in understanding.

"But enough about me, how are you two? How's the date?" Anna asked, smiling nervously.

Cas blushed and Dean said quickly, "It's not a date."

"We're just friends hanging out at the aquarium," Cas said quietly. "Right?"

Dean swallowed and didn't meet Cas' eyes. "Right."

"Not right, but anyway how's the home life?" she asked. "Are you two still sharing a bed? I think that's really cute, by the way, that you sleep together but don't _sleep together_. Of course, if you did have sex that would be pretty cute too, I mean Dean's a great lay, and - "

She stopped in horror when she realized what she'd said. Dean and Cas had both been blushing, but as soon as Anna mentioned Dean's sex prowess the color drained from Cas' face.

"You slept with my sister?" he asked, his mouth a thin hard line.

Dean glared at Anna. "It was...it was months ago! You and I weren't even friends then."

"You slept with my sister." Cas sounded resigned.

"Yes, but - "

"When?"

"The night of the party at the beginning of the school year," Dean answered.

"After you and I - "

"Yeah. After...um...that."

Anna stared at them in confusion. They were both blushing even harder now and she began to wonder what had happened between them at her party when her walkie talkie went off.

" _Anna, have you found_ \- "

She stuck her hand in her pocket, silencing the device. They gave her strange looks.

"Was that Cha - " Dean started.

"Gotta go!" Anna exclaimed, then ran off.

SPNSPNSPN

"You did _what?!_ " Charlie exclaimed.

Anna fidgeted. "I told them that it'd be cute if they slept together, and then let it slip that Dean and I already did."

Balthazar shook his head in exasperation as Gabriel giggled.

"I didn't mean to!" she said. Then she asked sadly, "Did I ruin the mission?"

Charlie sighed. "I don't think so. It wasn't the way I would have preferred things to go, but at least you put the idea of them being together in their minds."

"I'm sick of all this subtlety," Balthazar declared. "Why don't we just shove them together and see what happens?"

"No, Bal, we - "

But Balthazar was gone, searching for Dean and Cas. He found them approaching the exit. He put the collar of his coat up to hide his face and made sure his moustache was secure. Then he slammed hard into Cas' shoulder, except Cas didn't fall into Dean like Balthazar had expected him to. Instead, he fell to the floor, hitting his head on the corner of the information desk as he did so.

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed, bending over to pick up his friend.

Cas looked heavily disoriented, and there was a small bleeding cut on his forehead. Balthazar felt horrified.

"What the hell was that?!" Dean shouted angrily at Balthazar. Then his eyes narrowed as if in recognition. "Bal - ?"

He turned and ran out of the aquarium, hissing, "Abort, abort, abort!" into his walkie talkie.

SPNSPNSPN

Dean and Cas laid awake in bed that night, each thinking about different things. Cas thought about the fact that Dean had sex with Anna, and Dean thought about what Sam had said to him when they'd returned from the aquarium.

_"I still think we should - "_

_"I'm not going to the hospital, Dean. I am fine," Cas said tiredly._

_"What if you have another concussion?" Dean asked. "The doctor said you have to be careful with you head. Getting it slammed into a desk isn't being careful!"_

_"I do not have another concussion. I promise you I am fine."_

_Dean folded his arms. "That's what concussed people say before they die in their sleep."_

_"Dean - "_

_"Fine! But you're going straight upstairs and resting, you hear?"_

_Cas rolled his eyes and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer, wrapping it in a hand towel before going upstairs._

_"Is Cas alright?" Sam asked from the living room._

_"Hit his head when some bastard ran into him at the aquarium," Dean answered. "He'll be fine, I think. I'm just worried, y'know?"_

_"Because you love him."_

_Dean twitched and glanced worriedly at the top of the stairs. "Be quiet, Sammy!"_

_"You have to tell him."_

_"I can't."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because what if he - "_

_"What if he leaves again?" Sam finished._

_Dean nodded._

_"Yeah, what if he does leave and you never got a chance to tell him. How bad are you gonna feel then, Dean?"_

_"Sammy, you don't under - "_

_Sam closed his book and slammed it down on the coffee table, effectively silencing his older brother. Charlie's plan be damned, he had to do something. He was tired of those two being so blind to what they had._

_"No,_ you _don't understand, Dean," Sam snapped. "The guy has seen the very best and the very worst of you, and guess what? He's still here. The only time he left was because Naomi_ forced _him too, and now she's gone, so you don't have to worry about that anymore. Do you really think that after everything you two have been through that he doesn't feel the same way?"_

_Dean was stubbornly silent._

_"You have to tell him."_

"Dean?" Cas asked, breaking Dean out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, Cas? Is your head bothering you?"

"No, it's not that. It's something else."

Dean waited for Cas to elaborate, but Cas didn't say anything else for several minutes.

"I'm not a mind reader, Cas, you're gonna have to tell me," he said.

Cas swallowed. "Did you... _enjoy_ sleeping with Anna?"

Dean froze for a moment, wondering why in the world Cas had to ask that question.

"Yeah, I guess I did," he replied. "It was fun, but it was just sex, and it was ages ago. I'm not interested in Anna like that, she's practically my sister now."

Cas nodded. "You used to sleep with a lot of girls, but now you don't."

"That's right."

"Why not?"

Dean shrugged. "I guess I just don't feel like it anymore."

"Why?"

He pursed his lips. "I don't know."

 _"You have to tell him_ ,"Sam's voice rang in his ears.

"Oh."

Cas's arms tightened around Dean the way they always did when he was about to fall asleep, but he couldn't fall asleep. Not yet. Not before -

"Hey Cas?"

"Hm."

"I actually do know why," he said. "I, uh, stopped sleeping around when, um...when you and I became friends."

Cas tensed up a bit and replied in a hurt tone, "Dean, you don't have to stop having sex on account of me. If you want the room to yourself for a night, just - "

"No, no, no." Dean sat up in the bed, pulling Cas up with him. "You don't get it.

Cas was confused. Dean ground his teeth together in agitation as he felt that strange feeling in his gut again, until he remembered when he'd felt that sensation before. The only other times he'd felt like that were when he was standing in the wind with it rushing all about him, telling him that he was alive and worth it, and he realized that Cas was his wind.

"Listen, I'm not good at this speech thing like you are," he said. "It's...it's you, Cas, it's all about you. Everything I do is for or because of you. And the reason I do that is because - because I, well...I lo - see, I really - argh, I can't - "

And he smashed his lips against Cas'. Cas froze for a few seconds before he began moving his mouth against Dean's, easily finding a comfortable rhythm for the both of them. Cas shifted himself so he was in Dean's lap and put his hands on either side of Dean's face as Dean's fingers gripped his hipbones. Dean nibbled slightly on Cas' lower lip and Cas let out a soft moan. Dean pulled away with a struggle and rested his forehead against Cas'.

"I love you," he said firmly.

Cas smiled as an unbidden memory came back to him.

_He woke up in his hospital room, except his family was gone this time, presumably into the waiting room. He looked around for Dean, but he only found Sam, who watched him with a smile._

_"He had to go to the bathroom," Sam told him._

_Cas nodded despite the pain it caused. "Sam, I have to ask you something."_

_"Shoot."_

_"In the house, before...before the ambulance, Dean said...he said he needed me," Cas said._

_Sam's eyes visibly widened._

_"He said - he said he_ needed _you?" he verified._

_Cas nodded again. "He said, "I need you." It felt significant, Sam. What does it mean?"_

_Sam stared at Cas, straight into his eyes, and Sam saw the thinly veiled hope in the blue depths._

_"I think you know," Sam replied._

_"No, I - I don't," Cas protested._

_Sam shook his head, a knowing expression in his eyes. "You do."_

Cas leaned forward and kissed Dean quickly again.

"I know," he said.

Dean stared at him, slack jawed. "You _know?!_ But how...how could you - how do you - "

"You told me once before," Cas replied.

He looked bewildered. "Did I say it in my sleep? Because you should've told me, I - "

"No, you told me weeks ago," Cas said. "In Naomi's house, before the paramedics came."

Dean thought back to that day. The details were vivid, seared into his brain for the rest of his life, and he certainly didn't remember telling Cas that he loved him.

"I didn't - "

"You said you needed me," Cas replied, "which means "I love you" in Deanish."

Dean laughed and kissed him again.

SPNSPNSPN

"Are you sure this movie night thing is a good idea?" Anna asked Charlie.

They were all gathered in the Milton living room the next day.

Charlie shrugged. "Sam seemed to think so. Let's just hope it's not as big of a disaster as yesterday was."

She glared at Balthazar and he held his hands up.

"I apologized already!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know he was going to get hurt!"

The doorbell rang.

"That must be them," Anna said, going over to answer the door.

"Sorry we're a little late, we had to grab some - "

Anna screamed, causing Charlie, Balthazar, and Gabriel to hurl themselves off the couch to see what happened. Dean was holding a bag of chips in one hand and in the other he was holding... _Cas' hand._

"When did - how - but - " Charlie spluttered.

"Told ya movie night was a good idea," Sam said smugly, pushing past them into the house.

"When did this little development occur?" Gabriel asked.

"Last night, apparently, after I told Dean to quit being a girl and just tell Cas already," Sam replied.

Dean glared at him. "Bitch."

"Jerk!"

Charlie pressed her hands together as if she were praying. "All hail Sam Winchester, King of Matchmaking."

"I like the sound of that," Sam said with a grin.

"Oh, and, Sammy here told us all about your little _operation_ ," Dean announced, glaring at all of them, especially Balthazar.

He looked guilty, eyes flashing up to the bandaid on Cas' head. "I am so sorry, Cassy."

Cas shook his head. "It's alright. I understand. I just hope you won't resort to such methods in the future."

"So long as you two aren't being bloody idiots, I won't have to," Balthazar replied.

"Fair enough," Dean replied with a laugh.

"Well, let's watch the movie!" Anna exclaimed.

And so they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was pretty corny, but I hope you liked it =)
> 
> ~Ki


	18. Epilogue: The Definition of Family

* * *

**Ten Years Later**

* * *

If you asked Castiel Winchester the definition of family, he would show you many things other than just the perfect Thanksgiving dinner ten years ago.

He would show you Sam and his wife Jessica, who Sam met while attending Stanford. He'd show you how effortlessly Sam and Jess flowed together, and how pure their love was. He'd show you their beautiful and radiant daughter Mary, who was now four, with her mother's blonde hair and her father's eyes. He'd also show you their baby boy, John, who seemed to inherit Sam's thoughtful manner, as he rarely cried and usually just watched everyone around him.

He'd show you his older brothers Michael and Lucian, who had put aside their differences to rescue their baby brother and ended up discovering they had more in common than they'd thought. He'd show you how, when Michael and his wife had their first child, they named Lucian the godfather, and he'd show you how Lucian cried the first time he held his godson.

He would show you Bobby and Ellen, recently married, who had been pushed together quite the same way Cas' family and friends had pushed him and Dean together. He'd show you how they got married in Vegas and celebrated their honeymoon by taking a trip to watch the Super Bowl live, because that was romantic enough for them. He'd show you how they loved Sam, Dean, and Jo more than anything else in the world.

He'd show you his sister Anna, who, after the father of her son walked out on them, allowed herself an hour of grief before she picked herself up off the floor and got her life back together. He'd show you Balthazar and Gabriel, who tracked the man down and threatened him to never come around Anna and her son again, and also how they helped Anna raise her son, becoming better father figures than the boy's biological father could've ever hoped to be.

He'd show you Sam and Dean, who would give up everything for each other in a heartbeat if the other asked him to. He'd show you how Dean continued to raise money for Sam while still attending UCV to earn his degree. He'd show you how Sam sent checks to Dean every month, insisting that he'd pay Dean back, only to have Dean rip them up into tiny shreds and say that seeing Sam happy was all the payment he needed.

He would show you his own father, who - despite promising to come around more often - only sent them a letter the following Thanksgiving, apologizing for not being there. Then he'd show you how Mr. Novak managed to Skype them on Christmas, and had actually shown up in person on Cas' birthday. He'd show you how Mr. Novak took the time to learn how to be a father again and became a more present figure in all of their lives, especially his grandchildren's.

He'd show you Jo and her fiancé Ryan, who was the only customer to have ever gotten to Jo, forcing her to put a single tally mark on the "Customers" side of the podium in the Roadhouse. He'd show you how loyal they were to each other, especially when Ryan was deployed overseas. He'd show you how Ryan surprised her by coming home briefly for Christmas to propose to her.

And he would show you his husband, Dean Winchester, on the day they went to pick up their new, adopted daughter from the hospital. He'd show you how Dean's callused mechanic hands shook as he took the pink bundle into his hands. He'd show you how Dean's voice cracked with joy and how the tears welled in his eyes when he whispered, "She's all ours, Cas. Our own little angel."

He would show you his family, who taught him that all you needed to be happy in life were people who love and care about you.

And _that's_ the definition of family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End.
> 
> I just wanted to say thank you for all of the comments and kudos that I've received!! Your love and support for this story really means a lot to me, and I hope you'll read other stories of mine in the future!
> 
> Thanks again, and I hope you enjoyed Burnt and Broken!
> 
> ~Ki
> 
> My [tumblr](http://kiconwrites.tumblr.com)


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